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Doesn't Anyone Like Me?

I've had friends before; the problem is, I have trouble maintaining relationships with my friends. For the most part, I don't want to have to put out the effort it takes to keep friends. I don't want to have to keep calling everyone and finding out what everyone is doing and if they have time for me. I remember friendship used to be more natural than that. I didn't have to beg people for their time. I didn't have to hunt everybody down to know how their doing, or to tell them how I'm doing. It makes me feel sad to even try having friendships like that.
But most importantly, I have a hard time making new friendships because I feel alienated by everyone. I never feel like I fit in or I assume that everyone I meet is going to dislike me for the minute we're introduced. I don't know how to stop feeling this way, but I know it's inhibited me from getting to know a lot of people, and prevented nearly everyone from getting to know me.
brokenxtooxoften brokenxtooxoften 21-25, F 110 Responses May 23, 2007

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Cool story bro have fun not having friends *****!!!!!! P.S wanna hookup?

I have always had friendships that ended for one reason or another. I have always wondered if there was something wrong with me but could never understand what or why. I wish I could find friendship that would last.

I understand how it feels to feel like you have no friends and it doesn't matter how hard you try no one seems to like you. i've always been able to make friends, not many always one or two but then i never seem to be able to sustain it or have that really closeness you get with friends. I don't like to talk about really sensitive issues because i feel like people will think i'm silly or stupid. I always thought there was something wrong with me, i'm too shy, lack in confidence or i'm just not interesting and must be a horrible person.

Friendship takes time to make. With little to no effort: That's what you get in return. I have no friends either but I fill my days with projects that are important to me. It's a hard thing to do; having friends. So I guess the only way to have friends is to first want to put in the effort to have them.

i know what you mean hugs. i have 1 true friend and in the gayest possible way i love him ;P

My story is a little unusual, as I do have my husband and our five 'healthy' adult children - so technically, I am not "alone." However, the last 30 years of my life have been long and painful, nonetheless. Without going into all the details, I will make it as short as possible. Having come from a broken home (my parents divorced when I was 9) I vowed to heaven and earth that I would never do that to my own family. Well, as the saying goes, you live and you learn. I have always been a hard worker, worked since I was legally able to take a job...babysat from the age of 12, a paper route at age 13-16, and finally my first 'real' job as a waitress at age 16. When I was 12, I wanted to live with my dad and his soon to be wife, because my mom was an alcoholic, and my older sister went to live with dad...I did not want to be left "alone" there, although I did have a baby sister, who I felt guilty for 'leaving behind,' but the decision was not mine to make. Anyway, after 8 years of working hard, keeping good grades in school, and taking care of 2 half-siblings in all of my 'free' time, my ex-husband (boyfriend at the time) proposed to me. I was 20, and was really in no hurry to get married, I was more interested in college, but could not get the support from my family to go. When my step-mother learned about the proposal, she told him outright (and I heard it with my own ears) ..."You're not going to take my meal ticket away from me!" WOW! REALLY??? With that, as you could imagine, I was gone...that night! My father did not know what to believe, so I made it easier on him, and never talked about it again. But apparently I would be the black sheep in the whole entire family from that moment on...forever. <br />
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16 years, 3 children, an Associates degree, and one too many abuses later, I found myself going through a long, drawn out, bitter divorce. Apparently, I was STILL not allowed to have friends of my own, only those that my ex-husband would bring around...even if they were all scumbags. Not wanting to subject my kids to the things he was subjecting them to while I was at school or work, I decided it was time to really, REALLY take a stand. Rather than changing his ways for the family, he filed for a divorce. Wonderful.<br />
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3 years, and a couple of dozen court dates later, I finally met a man worth marrying. And I did. We are still together after 12 years, never had a major rift, he is great to the kids (who are now adults) and I couldn't ask for anything more. The trouble is, we have very little family, and we have no friends. Part of the reason is because he is from another state and moved here with me. Another reason is that through both of our divorces (he was divorced after 18 years of marriage) we lost any bits of friendships we may have previously had. Sometimes, when you spend your whole life trying to be the "responsible party" for your children, alot of other important things (and people) get left behind. Like friends. And you know what? Our kids are worth it. And you know what else? I came on here feeling really down and depressed and lonely, from the thought that I have no friends to speak of...but sounding this out has made me see things more clearly. I may have made alot of mistakes in my life, but on the other hand, I would have made the same choices - for the same reasons I have before...for the sake of choosing the best available options at the time, to ensure a better chance for my children. Thanks for listnening. :)

I loved your post on "Doesn't anyone like me". It really spoke to me, being widowed from a difficult relationship 11 years ago, and with 4 kids and losing friendships as a result. Thanks for taking the time to write it :)

I am down in the single mother dumps right now without a bit of support or friends and just reading that made me feel better it was really inspirational. Thanks.

i feel the same im actually feeling down about this topic because i have no friends. im a 25 yrs old im married with a daughter. i use to have friends in high school but things changed and the people who i thought where my friends want nothing to do wit me. im use to being to myself but i have no friend calling me up to laugh at silly stuff or talk about things u cant talk to others about. my husband can only be my best friend for so long but i just want a friend of my own, someone who gets and understands me. i hate having to explain myself if something comes out wronf or funny. i know i have a bad choice of words and can be hard to understand me, but im a really sweet person i just dont kmow why i dont have any friends not one friend at all. no matter how hard i try it never works for me. what should i do? i dont wanna change myself as a person i know i can come across intimidating because i keep to myself but im very nice once a conversation starts. i feel like im always being judge and im always reading the other persons energy in the way they make me feel around them.

i feel the same, i was so upset about it I tried talking to anyone and everyone I can... didn't seem to be the right idea...i turned into one of those over friendly desperate who tries to creep every1... :(

its hard to make friends,,,,,,,,,,,,, SO RECRUIT ME AND PLAY WOW !

I can relate - I am terrible with keeping up with old friends.<br />
it takes effort to keep in touch and I typically don't feel like emailing or calling or etc.<br />
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I have been trying to change that recently and have been putting more effort into it.<br />
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anyways - you're not alone........BTW, I'm going to add you to my to Circle /// I'm new here and could use more friends ;)

Everyone here has the similar story. This includes me. People are always "busy". People hide behind work. I have been told by some people that their kids need them, and their kids are adults and perfectly capa ble of taking care of themselves. One of her kids has his own kid. Told her he's a man and should take care of his own kid. I am sure he does take care of his kid but 'my friend" hides behind him. I am no longer reaching out to her. Doesn't seem to care. Another says she'stoo busy . I come to find out she's out with her other friends or withi her boyfriend at dinner or a movie or whatever. We had been friends for two years before she bailed on me. I am at peace with myself. She would rather be with people who drink alot.

I have spent my whole life around a lot of people. Posing in pictures with grins from ear to ear. I've had a few close friendships and have had some bad ones. Today, I can jump on the internet super hwy and "like" everyone and everything as well as call tons of people that may or may not have time for me. The truth is, we are all lonely. We all doubt ourselves and we all want what "appears" to be the good life with lot's of friends. Most of it is BS and we are all stuck with ourselves at the end of the day. If your a good person and you can go to sleep at night knowing that....than your better than 80% of the people out there. If you truly are a good person, than the people that ignore you or don't respond are either too selfish, too jealous or really just too busy! If your not a good person...think about it for second....maybe there are phone calls you haven't returned or times where you have been too busy (this doesn't mean your a bad person). But if you have taken for granted some of the friends you've had and now your trying to reclaim them. This may be tough. It's not to late to start over. Don't focus so much on the ones that aren't making time for you cause your barking up the wrong tree and get yourself busy. It's hard to love yourself sometimes but that is the key. If you really don't love yourself or can't love yourself than there is probably something you need to forgive yourself for or ask forgiveness for. Just do it. Your not as bad as you think. We are all disgusting, hateful, nasty, selfish, mean, sweet, loving, caring, kind, wonderful and amazing people! Most importantly, there are many seasons in ones life...the clouds will clear and bring brighter days to me and you.

actually everyone has a friends...sometime we just dont appreciate it...n sometime we just could see it clearly...it is easy to have friends...but hard to have a best friends...friends always come and go...but best friends always by our side when we need them...you can assume that all people that send a comment to u as ur friends too...

It is nice to hear other people have this issue. Too bad we cannot all become each others friends maybe.<br />
I too feel as though I have to beg people to hang out or be my friend. I have many acquaintances, but no matter how hard I try to become more a friend they never call ME up, it is always me calling them. I really cannot figure out what I could be doing wrong or what is wrong with me? I am not stand-offish, I am no longer shy, (as I was as a kid). I am easy-going, easy on the eyes...in matter of fact, men are the only ones calling...and we know it is not to just be friends. HA!<br />
I am not sure what the next step is for me, but I am tired of being alone. Has anyone figured anything out that has helped them?

I really can relate somehow :// I mean I have two close friends in my neighborhood that really understand me and everything, and I've also got my cousin... but she lives in another city :// But in my school I'm all alone :(( I used to have two best friends there but we had a fight because of something stupid and still I went & apologized to them for something that wasn't my fault & they still said no! Later they came and begun acting almost like normally but I wanted to clear things out & say to them how I felt but they didn't listen! Now we talk but it's not that we are really close friends anymore... but I've always known that they didn't want me to be their friends... mostly cause we've got really different personalities! anyway now I always stay inside the classroom alone while everyone is in the cafeteria or in the school's garden! I feel so alone :((

I really can relate somehow :// I mean I have two close friends in my neighborhood that really understand me and everything, and I've also got my cousin... but she lives in another city :// But in my school I'm all alone :(( I used to have two best friends there but we had a fight because of something stupid and still I went & apologized to them for something that wasn't my fault & they still said no! Later they came and begun acting almost like normally but I wanted to clear things out & say to them how I felt but they didn't listen! Now we talk but it's not that we are really close friends anymore... but I've always known that they didn't want me to be their friends... mostly cause we've got really different personalities! anyway now I always stay inside the classroom alone while everyone is in the cafeteria or in the school's garden! I feel so alone :((

I really can relate somehow :// I mean I have two close friends in my neighborhood that really understand me and everything, and I've also got my cousin... but she lives in another city :// But in my school I'm all alone :(( I used to have two best friends there but we had a fight because of something stupid and still I went & apologized to them for something that wasn't my fault & they still said no! Later they came and begun acting almost like normally but I wanted to clear things out & say to them how I felt but they didn't listen! Now we talk but it's not that we are really close friends anymore... but I've always known that they didn't want me to be their friends... mostly cause we've got really different personalities! anyway now I always stay inside the classroom alone while everyone is in the cafeteria or in the school's garden! I feel so alone :((

That is me. I don't know what to do. I go out of my mind sometimes. I'm pretty active, i walk, i run, i hike...but there are times when I'm on a trail and i look around and suddenly it hits me how alone i feel. I have a cell phone full of numbers of people that don't talk to me and are never available. I have pictures of friends that haven't spoken to me in years. I had a best friend once, last time we spoke was over a 2 years ago. I talk to my neighbors, but i feel like we only hang out when its convenient for them. So alas here i am almost every weekend hoping someone remembers me.

i feel the same way:(

i feel the same way theres these two girls that claim to b my friends and were supposed to b the godmothers of my son but im not sure anymore i had a bday party for my son a couple wks ago they said they could come cause they were working they were supposed to call me the following wk s we could hang havent heard from them since its really depressing thats for sure<br />
at least i now noe im not the only one

Hello! I can understand what you feel, becouse I feel the same. But you should know that it,s only the feeling inside you, that keeps you away from people. They don't keep you out.

Hello! I can understand what you feel, becouse I feel the same. But you should know that it,s only the feeling inside you, that keeps you away from people. They don't keep you out.

This may outrage some people, but I don't like Facebook, I don't like Twitter, I don't really care whether my friends are eating gelato, en route to Starbucks or whatever. Nor do I think they really care whether I'm sitting at the dentist's or shopping. If it requires constantly updating friends on my every action during the day, and reading about theirs...well, those are friendships that maybe I can dispense with.

Great story, but to be honest this is happening more and more to more people. Specially in the USA where the rythm of life goes at an accelerated pace. There's time for work, family and then after that there is very little time left for anything else. Seems like we all are alienating from each other, now txt and email or sites like facebook and twitter seem to be the way to go, no real contact thats slowly vanishing away from our society

SO true fiery, I often have that triumphant Moment when I've met people, and it's about oh, 6 months to a year in...then poof. The gossip and backstabbing ensue/start. Sure, I'm the first one to admit I have issues, but I really consider myself a true-blue, honest, faithful friend. Maybe it's the change in Society, maybe it's me too, I haven't quite figured it out but I'm definitely working on it.

trust me,i'm in the exact same despicable situation.sometimes they seem so friendly to me,and i really begin to think that they are my friends and at some other situation they just desert me,act like i'm not even there.i don't even know if i can trust them.they just know to laugh and be happy when i crack jokes and later they just speak behind my back and push me aside.even though i'd appreciate help from u people,i know this [which i am unable to implement] :<br />
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just be YOU !!! [that is unless u irritate and everybody and get on their nerves all the time!]... don't try to be like others,listen more than you talk,observe people and find out indirectly what they like and what they don't.when u are around certain people,act how they'd want u to.thnk from thier perspective. most of all : put all your trust in THE ALMIGHTY and simply let go of yourself. hope this helps you and well....ME :p

awww hugggsss. I will b ur friend!! I think u just have low self image because of the fact u have had no friends for so long. You build up that mindset when u go a long time with no friends. we need friends, its like human nature, like we need air and water. I also experience the same thing as u, feeling that people hate me and people instantly dislike me... and u kinda get to the point where u feel u instantly dislike people u meet too. You lose all faith in people. And like you said, friendships arent natural anymore, probably because were out of practise so we forgot how to naturally form friendships. I will be ur friend :) You should try confidence and self image hypnosis tapes or something. Its important to keep feeling good about yourself and not let the way you think and feel about yourself become bad. Confidence hypnosis is really good, you really feel more positive and you start to feel things are possible, you become more relaxed, you should try it :)

I feel the same way too. I have loads of friends but now i just dont feel like anyone likes me and i am too scared of making new friends incase they dont like me for who i am. But i dont understand why people are making me feel this way, i am a nice caring person, i treat everyone with respect, i stand by my friends, i help them out when they need me. I just dont understand why all my friends are choosing the horrible people instead of me. I try to spend more time with them but i dont know if they think im just wasting their time.

friends are gained at work, school, or other places where there is a common goal. You can't expect to be friends with people and at the same time your fates are not related or intertwined.

I can totally relate. I went from the extreme of hassling everyone to hang out with me to the point I would make all of the plans and would have to call and remind them (!!!) that we are hanging out the night before so that they don't cancel on me. Then, if I leave THEM the chance to plan something, they don't follow through and don't even let me know they decided to hang with someone else until I called to see what was up with our plans.<br />
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Then I realized I was going too far and so I waited for them to always make the initiative and would hold my ground and pretend that I didn't need them as a friend... that they were blessed to even have me as a friend. I lost friends who lost interest in me because I didn't show that I really did treasure the friendship, but I was trying to prevent my looking needy.<br />
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It is hard finding that balance between making an effort in a friendship and yet allowing them to make an effort as well so that you form a mutual respect and no one feels they are clinging onto a friendship that is trying to pull away.<br />
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But really, when you have true friends, you shouldn't even have to think or worry about it. Like you said, it should be more natural.

Honestly, I don't really even like myself. Ever since I was a child, I always wanted to be someone else. As a kid I was a nerdy, skinny, funny-looking boy and as an adult I'm a fat, ugly person that no one has ever really loved. I have had friends, but I always feel like an outsider and, in the end, always feel alone.