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Doesn't Anyone Like Me?

I've had friends before; the problem is, I have trouble maintaining relationships with my friends. For the most part, I don't want to have to put out the effort it takes to keep friends. I don't want to have to keep calling everyone and finding out what everyone is doing and if they have time for me. I remember friendship used to be more natural than that. I didn't have to beg people for their time. I didn't have to hunt everybody down to know how their doing, or to tell them how I'm doing. It makes me feel sad to even try having friendships like that.
But most importantly, I have a hard time making new friendships because I feel alienated by everyone. I never feel like I fit in or I assume that everyone I meet is going to dislike me for the minute we're introduced. I don't know how to stop feeling this way, but I know it's inhibited me from getting to know a lot of people, and prevented nearly everyone from getting to know me.
brokenxtooxoften brokenxtooxoften 18-21, F 113 Responses May 23, 2007

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First of all, wow, look at how old this post is. i'm pissed I'm just finding EP now in 2012 O.o

I suffer from low self esteem and low confidence, and i think it's from being abused and mistreated so many times.esp. by family who i let into my life and trusted. Bit they have been horrible people, and I still suffer and struggle every day to feel good about myself. I am intelligent and gifted and a very giving person. I have grown to the place that I decided if a person doesn't like me or treats me disrepectfully, adios! even if it's family.....I am worth much more than to be treated poorly. I have overcome many obstacles and I deserve respect. When my mom passed away, that's when it started with much of my family. Mom and I were extremely close, and m y sister and brother in law totally rejected me and wrote me a nasty letter telling me I needed psychiatric help and twisting the truth. Actually, they were and are not interested in knowing the truth at all = whatever made them look good was what is mportant to them. Then my ex sued me accusing me of stealing money from him! He knows i am an honest person and would never do such a thing. yet he chose to assail my integrity for money. i need better friends. now i am going to go and keep telling myself good things about me to build myself up. don't know if it will help but it's the only thing i can do to fight this ongoing battle.

I feel the same way. Completely

Cool story bro have fun not having friends *****!!!!!! P.S wanna hookup?

I have always had friendships that ended for one reason or another. I have always wondered if there was something wrong with me but could never understand what or why. I wish I could find friendship that would last.

I understand how it feels to feel like you have no friends and it doesn't matter how hard you try no one seems to like you. i've always been able to make friends, not many always one or two but then i never seem to be able to sustain it or have that really closeness you get with friends. I don't like to talk about really sensitive issues because i feel like people will think i'm silly or stupid. I always thought there was something wrong with me, i'm too shy, lack in confidence or i'm just not interesting and must be a horrible person.

Friendship takes time to make. With little to no effort: That's what you get in return. I have no friends either but I fill my days with projects that are important to me. It's a hard thing to do; having friends. So I guess the only way to have friends is to first want to put in the effort to have them.

i know what you mean hugs. i have 1 true friend and in the gayest possible way i love him ;P

My story is a little unusual, as I do have my husband and our five 'healthy' adult children - so technically, I am not "alone." However, the last 30 years of my life have been long and painful, nonetheless. Without going into all the details, I will make it as short as possible. Having come from a broken home (my parents divorced when I was 9) I vowed to heaven and earth that I would never do that to my own family. Well, as the saying goes, you live and you learn. I have always been a hard worker, worked since I was legally able to take a job...babysat from the age of 12, a paper route at age 13-16, and finally my first 'real' job as a waitress at age 16. When I was 12, I wanted to live with my dad and his soon to be wife, because my mom was an alcoholic, and my older sister went to live with dad...I did not want to be left "alone" there, although I did have a baby sister, who I felt guilty for 'leaving behind,' but the decision was not mine to make. Anyway, after 8 years of working hard, keeping good grades in school, and taking care of 2 half-siblings in all of my 'free' time, my ex-husband (boyfriend at the time) proposed to me. I was 20, and was really in no hurry to get married, I was more interested in college, but could not get the support from my family to go. When my step-mother learned about the proposal, she told him outright (and I heard it with my own ears) ..."You're not going to take my meal ticket away from me!" WOW! REALLY??? With that, as you could imagine, I was gone...that night! My father did not know what to believe, so I made it easier on him, and never talked about it again. But apparently I would be the black sheep in the whole entire family from that moment on...forever. <br />
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16 years, 3 children, an Associates degree, and one too many abuses later, I found myself going through a long, drawn out, bitter divorce. Apparently, I was STILL not allowed to have friends of my own, only those that my ex-husband would bring around...even if they were all scumbags. Not wanting to subject my kids to the things he was subjecting them to while I was at school or work, I decided it was time to really, REALLY take a stand. Rather than changing his ways for the family, he filed for a divorce. Wonderful.<br />
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3 years, and a couple of dozen court dates later, I finally met a man worth marrying. And I did. We are still together after 12 years, never had a major rift, he is great to the kids (who are now adults) and I couldn't ask for anything more. The trouble is, we have very little family, and we have no friends. Part of the reason is because he is from another state and moved here with me. Another reason is that through both of our divorces (he was divorced after 18 years of marriage) we lost any bits of friendships we may have previously had. Sometimes, when you spend your whole life trying to be the "responsible party" for your children, alot of other important things (and people) get left behind. Like friends. And you know what? Our kids are worth it. And you know what else? I came on here feeling really down and depressed and lonely, from the thought that I have no friends to speak of...but sounding this out has made me see things more clearly. I may have made alot of mistakes in my life, but on the other hand, I would have made the same choices - for the same reasons I have before...for the sake of choosing the best available options at the time, to ensure a better chance for my children. Thanks for listnening. :)

I loved your post on "Doesn't anyone like me". It really spoke to me, being widowed from a difficult relationship 11 years ago, and with 4 kids and losing friendships as a result. Thanks for taking the time to write it :)

I am down in the single mother dumps right now without a bit of support or friends and just reading that made me feel better it was really inspirational. Thanks.

i feel the same im actually feeling down about this topic because i have no friends. im a 25 yrs old im married with a daughter. i use to have friends in high school but things changed and the people who i thought where my friends want nothing to do wit me. im use to being to myself but i have no friend calling me up to laugh at silly stuff or talk about things u cant talk to others about. my husband can only be my best friend for so long but i just want a friend of my own, someone who gets and understands me. i hate having to explain myself if something comes out wronf or funny. i know i have a bad choice of words and can be hard to understand me, but im a really sweet person i just dont kmow why i dont have any friends not one friend at all. no matter how hard i try it never works for me. what should i do? i dont wanna change myself as a person i know i can come across intimidating because i keep to myself but im very nice once a conversation starts. i feel like im always being judge and im always reading the other persons energy in the way they make me feel around them.

i feel the same, i was so upset about it I tried talking to anyone and everyone I can... didn't seem to be the right idea...i turned into one of those over friendly desperate who tries to creep every1... :(

its hard to make friends,,,,,,,,,,,,, SO RECRUIT ME AND PLAY WOW !

I can relate - I am terrible with keeping up with old friends.<br />
it takes effort to keep in touch and I typically don't feel like emailing or calling or etc.<br />
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I have been trying to change that recently and have been putting more effort into it.<br />
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anyways - you're not alone........BTW, I'm going to add you to my to Circle /// I'm new here and could use more friends ;)

Everyone here has the similar story. This includes me. People are always "busy". People hide behind work. I have been told by some people that their kids need them, and their kids are adults and perfectly capa ble of taking care of themselves. One of her kids has his own kid. Told her he's a man and should take care of his own kid. I am sure he does take care of his kid but 'my friend" hides behind him. I am no longer reaching out to her. Doesn't seem to care. Another says she'stoo busy . I come to find out she's out with her other friends or withi her boyfriend at dinner or a movie or whatever. We had been friends for two years before she bailed on me. I am at peace with myself. She would rather be with people who drink alot.

I have spent my whole life around a lot of people. Posing in pictures with grins from ear to ear. I've had a few close friendships and have had some bad ones. Today, I can jump on the internet super hwy and "like" everyone and everything as well as call tons of people that may or may not have time for me. The truth is, we are all lonely. We all doubt ourselves and we all want what "appears" to be the good life with lot's of friends. Most of it is BS and we are all stuck with ourselves at the end of the day. If your a good person and you can go to sleep at night knowing that....than your better than 80% of the people out there. If you truly are a good person, than the people that ignore you or don't respond are either too selfish, too jealous or really just too busy! If your not a good person...think about it for second....maybe there are phone calls you haven't returned or times where you have been too busy (this doesn't mean your a bad person). But if you have taken for granted some of the friends you've had and now your trying to reclaim them. This may be tough. It's not to late to start over. Don't focus so much on the ones that aren't making time for you cause your barking up the wrong tree and get yourself busy. It's hard to love yourself sometimes but that is the key. If you really don't love yourself or can't love yourself than there is probably something you need to forgive yourself for or ask forgiveness for. Just do it. Your not as bad as you think. We are all disgusting, hateful, nasty, selfish, mean, sweet, loving, caring, kind, wonderful and amazing people! Most importantly, there are many seasons in ones life...the clouds will clear and bring brighter days to me and you.

actually everyone has a friends...sometime we just dont appreciate it...n sometime we just could see it clearly...it is easy to have friends...but hard to have a best friends...friends always come and go...but best friends always by our side when we need them...you can assume that all people that send a comment to u as ur friends too...

It is nice to hear other people have this issue. Too bad we cannot all become each others friends maybe.<br />
I too feel as though I have to beg people to hang out or be my friend. I have many acquaintances, but no matter how hard I try to become more a friend they never call ME up, it is always me calling them. I really cannot figure out what I could be doing wrong or what is wrong with me? I am not stand-offish, I am no longer shy, (as I was as a kid). I am easy-going, easy on the eyes...in matter of fact, men are the only ones calling...and we know it is not to just be friends. HA!<br />
I am not sure what the next step is for me, but I am tired of being alone. Has anyone figured anything out that has helped them?

I really can relate somehow :// I mean I have two close friends in my neighborhood that really understand me and everything, and I've also got my cousin... but she lives in another city :// But in my school I'm all alone :(( I used to have two best friends there but we had a fight because of something stupid and still I went & apologized to them for something that wasn't my fault & they still said no! Later they came and begun acting almost like normally but I wanted to clear things out & say to them how I felt but they didn't listen! Now we talk but it's not that we are really close friends anymore... but I've always known that they didn't want me to be their friends... mostly cause we've got really different personalities! anyway now I always stay inside the classroom alone while everyone is in the cafeteria or in the school's garden! I feel so alone :((

I really can relate somehow :// I mean I have two close friends in my neighborhood that really understand me and everything, and I've also got my cousin... but she lives in another city :// But in my school I'm all alone :(( I used to have two best friends there but we had a fight because of something stupid and still I went & apologized to them for something that wasn't my fault & they still said no! Later they came and begun acting almost like normally but I wanted to clear things out & say to them how I felt but they didn't listen! Now we talk but it's not that we are really close friends anymore... but I've always known that they didn't want me to be their friends... mostly cause we've got really different personalities! anyway now I always stay inside the classroom alone while everyone is in the cafeteria or in the school's garden! I feel so alone :((

I really can relate somehow :// I mean I have two close friends in my neighborhood that really understand me and everything, and I've also got my cousin... but she lives in another city :// But in my school I'm all alone :(( I used to have two best friends there but we had a fight because of something stupid and still I went & apologized to them for something that wasn't my fault & they still said no! Later they came and begun acting almost like normally but I wanted to clear things out & say to them how I felt but they didn't listen! Now we talk but it's not that we are really close friends anymore... but I've always known that they didn't want me to be their friends... mostly cause we've got really different personalities! anyway now I always stay inside the classroom alone while everyone is in the cafeteria or in the school's garden! I feel so alone :((

That is me. I don't know what to do. I go out of my mind sometimes. I'm pretty active, i walk, i run, i hike...but there are times when I'm on a trail and i look around and suddenly it hits me how alone i feel. I have a cell phone full of numbers of people that don't talk to me and are never available. I have pictures of friends that haven't spoken to me in years. I had a best friend once, last time we spoke was over a 2 years ago. I talk to my neighbors, but i feel like we only hang out when its convenient for them. So alas here i am almost every weekend hoping someone remembers me.

i feel the same way:(

i feel the same way theres these two girls that claim to b my friends and were supposed to b the godmothers of my son but im not sure anymore i had a bday party for my son a couple wks ago they said they could come cause they were working they were supposed to call me the following wk s we could hang havent heard from them since its really depressing thats for sure<br />
at least i now noe im not the only one

Hello! I can understand what you feel, becouse I feel the same. But you should know that it,s only the feeling inside you, that keeps you away from people. They don't keep you out.

Hello! I can understand what you feel, becouse I feel the same. But you should know that it,s only the feeling inside you, that keeps you away from people. They don't keep you out.

This may outrage some people, but I don't like Facebook, I don't like Twitter, I don't really care whether my friends are eating gelato, en route to Starbucks or whatever. Nor do I think they really care whether I'm sitting at the dentist's or shopping. If it requires constantly updating friends on my every action during the day, and reading about theirs...well, those are friendships that maybe I can dispense with.

Great story, but to be honest this is happening more and more to more people. Specially in the USA where the rythm of life goes at an accelerated pace. There's time for work, family and then after that there is very little time left for anything else. Seems like we all are alienating from each other, now txt and email or sites like facebook and twitter seem to be the way to go, no real contact thats slowly vanishing away from our society

SO true fiery, I often have that triumphant Moment when I've met people, and it's about oh, 6 months to a year in...then poof. The gossip and backstabbing ensue/start. Sure, I'm the first one to admit I have issues, but I really consider myself a true-blue, honest, faithful friend. Maybe it's the change in Society, maybe it's me too, I haven't quite figured it out but I'm definitely working on it.

trust me,i'm in the exact same despicable situation.sometimes they seem so friendly to me,and i really begin to think that they are my friends and at some other situation they just desert me,act like i'm not even there.i don't even know if i can trust them.they just know to laugh and be happy when i crack jokes and later they just speak behind my back and push me aside.even though i'd appreciate help from u people,i know this [which i am unable to implement] :<br />
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just be YOU !!! [that is unless u irritate and everybody and get on their nerves all the time!]... don't try to be like others,listen more than you talk,observe people and find out indirectly what they like and what they don't.when u are around certain people,act how they'd want u to.thnk from thier perspective. most of all : put all your trust in THE ALMIGHTY and simply let go of yourself. hope this helps you and well....ME :p

awww hugggsss. I will b ur friend!! I think u just have low self image because of the fact u have had no friends for so long. You build up that mindset when u go a long time with no friends. we need friends, its like human nature, like we need air and water. I also experience the same thing as u, feeling that people hate me and people instantly dislike me... and u kinda get to the point where u feel u instantly dislike people u meet too. You lose all faith in people. And like you said, friendships arent natural anymore, probably because were out of practise so we forgot how to naturally form friendships. I will be ur friend :) You should try confidence and self image hypnosis tapes or something. Its important to keep feeling good about yourself and not let the way you think and feel about yourself become bad. Confidence hypnosis is really good, you really feel more positive and you start to feel things are possible, you become more relaxed, you should try it :)

I feel the same way too. I have loads of friends but now i just dont feel like anyone likes me and i am too scared of making new friends incase they dont like me for who i am. But i dont understand why people are making me feel this way, i am a nice caring person, i treat everyone with respect, i stand by my friends, i help them out when they need me. I just dont understand why all my friends are choosing the horrible people instead of me. I try to spend more time with them but i dont know if they think im just wasting their time.

friends are gained at work, school, or other places where there is a common goal. You can't expect to be friends with people and at the same time your fates are not related or intertwined.

I can totally relate. I went from the extreme of hassling everyone to hang out with me to the point I would make all of the plans and would have to call and remind them (!!!) that we are hanging out the night before so that they don't cancel on me. Then, if I leave THEM the chance to plan something, they don't follow through and don't even let me know they decided to hang with someone else until I called to see what was up with our plans.<br />
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Then I realized I was going too far and so I waited for them to always make the initiative and would hold my ground and pretend that I didn't need them as a friend... that they were blessed to even have me as a friend. I lost friends who lost interest in me because I didn't show that I really did treasure the friendship, but I was trying to prevent my looking needy.<br />
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It is hard finding that balance between making an effort in a friendship and yet allowing them to make an effort as well so that you form a mutual respect and no one feels they are clinging onto a friendship that is trying to pull away.<br />
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But really, when you have true friends, you shouldn't even have to think or worry about it. Like you said, it should be more natural.

Honestly, I don't really even like myself. Ever since I was a child, I always wanted to be someone else. As a kid I was a nerdy, skinny, funny-looking boy and as an adult I'm a fat, ugly person that no one has ever really loved. I have had friends, but I always feel like an outsider and, in the end, always feel alone.

For someone to stand by you you need to stand by them. It is an investment but hopefully you can find friends who share some sort of mutual joy. Its is always a risk but when you are truly enjoying people and you develop a caring investment it is not effort. I suspect people who have trouble with developing friendships have either been burned and totally invested in one primary relationship that went bad -try to have aquaintances for awhile and see what naturally develops out of the pleasure of doing and sharing time together. It will broaden your experiences and horizons. After all life is not all about your small perspective. Enrich yourself but start small just sharing a fun moment. People will remember the fun times and want to build more. <br />
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And most importantly STOP manipulating people to get what you want. That wears everyone out and sends all potential friends packing when they see the red flags. <br />
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I meet friends by doing what I love and being around others who have a similar enjoyment. Be the friend that you would like to have. Start small

I also have a really hard time making friends. I haven't really had a best friend in like five years and only have one or two friends but I still find myself alone a lot. I'm really shy and quiet in school and when someone does talk to me I have a hard time keeping a conversation going. I just wish I could find someone like me

Antidepresents will help most of you if you can literally stomach the horrible side affects. I tried them. They really did help me to integrate and have more confidence. I lost many social fears that I had. Making contact and friends became easy. It was amazing. Unfortuantely, is a double edged sword. The side effects sucked so bad that that alone was making me depressed. Most cannot have a ****** if they on an antidepresent. Now how depressing is that!

I am just truly enlightened by this thread. I am 41 years old, and I have always had difficulty fitting in with any one peer group. I can count on one hand the people that are part of my "inner circle" if you will. They are the ones who actually reciprocate in our friendships. We call each other to check in from time to time; and it doesn't feel like work to maintain the relationships because they are reciprocal with mutual effort put in by both parties without having to ask the other. I think a HUGE element of having sustainable friendships is MUTUAL respect. Too many people are shallow, and self absorbed - and so they have no problem taking what other people give in terms of generosity, while giving very little of themselves in return (especially when it happens to be inconvenient). These are the same people who I find are usually controlling by nature and have to dictate the terms of their relationships while setting limitations. Too often, I find myself reminded of a quote. " In any relationship, the person who cares the least; controls the relationship." It is unfortunate that most people have forgotten how to form healthy, deep friendships that last, but I think it's a byproduct of the disconnected society we live in currently.

ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS JUST BE YOURSELF. AND IF YOU HAVE TO CHANGE SOME THINGS .. DO IT FOR YOURSELF. DONT BE DOING ANYTHING FOR ANYONE. GROWING UP I HAD A LOT OF FRIENDS. NOW MOST OF MY FRIENDS ARE MARRIED, OR HAVE KIDS. EVERYONE IS DOING THERE OWN THING. I GOT MARRIED I'M ONLY 20. SOME OF MY OLD FRIENDS CHANGED . I FEEL LIKE I DONT KNOW THEN ANYMORE. OTHERS END UP BEEN TRAIDERS. FROM ALL THE FRIENDS I HAD IN MY CHILDHOOD. I MUST ADMIT I ONLY HAVE THREE. ALMA, ANA, ANAYELI. EVEN THE PEOPLE THAT I WOULD ALWAYS PROTECT, NOW DISS ME. BUT IT'S OKAY. GOD IS OUR FRIEND AND HE LOVES US. GOD WALKS WITH YOU, AND YOU ARE NEVER ALONE.<br />
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AND DONT TRY TO HARD. BE YOURSELF. NOT IN A ANNOYING WAY. PRAY TO GOD

ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS JUST BE YOURSELF. AND IF YOU HAVE TO CHANGE SOME THINGS .. DO IT FOR YOURSELF. DONT BE DOING ANYTHING FOR ANYONE. GROWING UP I HAD A LOT OF FRIENDS. NOW MOST OF MY FRIENDS ARE MARRIED, OR HAVE KIDS. EVERYONE IS DOING THERE OWN THING. I GOT MARRIED I'M ONLY 20. SOME OF MY OLD FRIENDS CHANGED . I FEEL LIKE I DONT KNOW THEN ANYMORE. OTHERS END UP BEEN TRAIDERS. FROM ALL THE FRIENDS I HAD IN MY CHILDHOOD. I MUST ADMIT I ONLY HAVE THREE. ALMA, ANA, ANAYELI. EVEN THE PEOPLE THAT I WOULD ALWAYS PROTECT, NOW DISS ME. BUT IT'S OKAY. GOD IS OUR FRIEND AND HE LOVES US. GOD WALKS WITH YOU, AND YOU ARE NEVER ALONE.<br />
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AND DONT TRY TO HARD. BE YOURSELF. NOT IN A ANNOYING WAY. PRAY TO GOD

I an 43 years old and dont have friends either in fact I cant even do therapy right I have pushed so may people away including therapist, psychatrists and friends because I have learned not to trust other people and hurt them before they hurt me. My local hotline doesnt even want to talk to me is that patheitic or what. I have considered calling a PTSD hotine or other national hotline but am afraid they will disappoint me too.. I was gang raped by my two female roomates and their boyfriends and have never been the same. Am I wrong to be angry with the mental health professionals I have been in contact with or do I deserve it.

I have a couple of friends, but they're not like the types to jump in when I need someone, in fact I'm only around because they need friends because they're damaged goods of some kind. I'm either crowd filler or nobody. <br />
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I hate that I'm nobody. I asked my gf why I couldn't keep good friendships and the funny thing is she has absolutely no idea. We're both decent, easy to get along with people who don't fight often, like the latest music, slightly on the cool side, but still the moment I try to make friends its soo difficult. <br />
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People really don't care for me, ultimately. And that really sucks.

I feel like I have no friends. I want to accept that I have no friends but then would I be lying. I would rather live knowing the truth so I can act on it rather than be caught in a social cycle.

Hmm... I have always felt blessed that I have two very solid, best friends. We run a boarding house together, and that means that there are always people hanging around the house that I can talk to and socialize with, and the people I work with take up a lot of slack in the 'friends' department as well... that last one has always been important for me as a way to deal with social loneliness. On the other hand, my job is all about social contacts and being "onstage" all day, so when I get home I'm ready for a little alone time.<br />
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For several years I had a close friend who was just part of my life, but I think we both eventually got what we needed from each other and slowly grew apart. It seems to me that friends are a cyclical thing: they come and they go, and only a very, very few actually stay forever. I'm blessed in having a best friend that I've been close to for 20 years this christmas.

@rjrusselsnow<br />
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Hi if only being nice, seeming happy, smiling and offering to help is enough. I have been a member of a gym for 8 years I do all the things that you suggest and everyone is pleasant and polite and yet I am still left on the edge of the group, and it's always been that way no matter where even at parties in my own home. And even though you know it exists it came a shock recently to find out that it's noticed by others. Someone from the gym recently asked me to have a chat with them, it's then that they said they had been watching and noticed that whilst I always seem pleasant and polite and I'm offering to help, they have noticed that I am excluded and that in general no-one accepts my help their words were "who turns down on offer of help? I don't know it's free, and yet not many people take you up on your offer", "I don't understand, the package is right, you are goodlooking, articulate, inteligent, pleasant and helpful, yet you aren't accepted"<br />
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Yet it's true, I can be alone even in a room full of people, like someone else mentioned I too spent a lot of time alone walking forests and fields as a youngster, I have tried all my life to take part, to socialise even go clubbing, I have been a highly paid consultant, yet never seem to be the right candidate to employ for half the price they keep me sometimes for years as a consultant.<br />
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I might be the oldest here at 37 but all my years of trying to figure it out I still can't relate to people. I don't know what to suggest to you all other then I suspect that like I, many of you have compassionate souls and would do anything to help someone in trouble, so know that you are a worthwhile person even if no one else seems to appreciate you

I feel just the way you do. Im in high school and while i do have a few people to talk to Im not really close to anyone. When i sit with people they often talk about stuff i find pretty boring so I actually prefer to be on my own sometimes. But when you spend your lunches alone as well as your weekend it can get pretty depressing. I mean everyone else has something to do during the holidays and weekends. Sometimes all the effort needed for friendships puts you off. This year there was a new girl and I decided to be nice to her and i asked her to sit with me. She did and then i started spending a lot of time with her and sometimes sacrificed things like studying and exercising to spend time with her. She made friends with girls who were way more popular than me and after a while we stopped hanging out together. While we are still friends shes a lot closer to the other girls and even though she only came here this year she has more friends than me. After that i became pretty discouraged that after all that i still did not get a close friend.

I feel just the way you do. Im in high school and while i do have a few people to talk to Im not really close to anyone. When i sit with people they often talk about stuff i find pretty boring so I actually prefer to be on my own sometimes. But when you spend your lunches alone as well as your weekend it can get pretty depressing. I mean everyone else has something to do during the holidays and weekends. Sometimes all the effort needed for friendships puts you off. This year there was a new girl and I decided to be nice to her and i asked her to sit with me. She did and then i started spending a lot of time with her and sometimes sacrificed things like studying and exercising to spend time with her. She made friends with girls who were way more popular than me and after a while we stopped hanging out together. While we are still friends shes a lot closer to the other girls and even though she only came here this year she has more friends than me. After that i became pretty discouraged that after all that i still did not get a close friend.

It's not right is it. I know it hurts, I experience that all the time. However, she is the one in the wrong, not you. If she was as nice as you she would hang out with you more, or ask you to join the group. I read somewhere once 'keep holding out your hand and one day somebody will take it'. I will continue doing that. x

im a heart broken mother whos seven year old cant make any friends at his new school. we have moved out of state and he cries every day that everyone doesnt like him. his sister is four yrs older than him andwants to hang out with her and her friends but to them he is too young!! Even his teacher said she feels bad for him st the parent teacher conference. I have tried to get him to have a play date wth some of his classmates and he has been to class birthday partys but wants nothing do to with the kids his age!! What do i do? I feel that everything that i try from what i learned in parenting classes and child phychology im doing everything that is recommended!! I try to tell him that give it some time and your friends will come . He's in the first grade. it breaks my heart to see him so upset. What do i do now??

If we are lucky we will find a few good friends in our entire lifetime. <br />
Try to keep that in mind when you think about being without any. <br />
Sometimes it may take an entire lifetime to find and develop just one. <br />
Be happy if you have just one good friend because they are rare and therefore to be highly cherished. <br />
At times in my life I have been without a single good friend even though I had a large number of "friends". <br />
Sometimes it is not easy to trust others enough to become good friends, sometimes it is not easy to like yourself enough to be able to have good friends.<br />
Take your time, be patient. <br />
Most all good things take time and effort. <br />
Sometimes we may know someone for a long time before they become a good friend (or it just takes us a long time to realize it).<br />
All things change in time including the friends we have.<br />
I would rather have one good friend than any number of just friends!

its because they are not rreal friends if they were then it would be much easier to keep a relastionship. if you or they are not willing to put the effort into the friendship then their should not be a friendship.

I don't have any friends outside of my wife either. I have "work friends" but no one that I would invite over for dinner. I choose to be that way, similar to you. It is too much work.

I was feeling the same way, and I actually googled 'why doesn't anyone like me' and this came up. Wow, that sounds even more sad when I put it into words. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one feeling this way. I love people, but I can't put forth the effort. According to my therapist, it's called Adult Attachment Disorder. Look into it a little.... knowing about it has at least helped me to start to identify my problems. I wish you the best of luck, and I promise you you're not as worthless as you think you are.

I think I have felt like this for as long as I remember (from a toddler to now). I remember feeling left out at primary school, all through middle school and upper school. I think I was quite popular in a way (I was a bit of a dare devil and joker) however, maybe because I entertained people?! As an adult it hasn't got any easier. I think because I struggled when I was young the lack of social skills learned so to stay is all Ive known, so have stayed with me. I am a very caring person, good listener, reliable, quite well turned out, however this makes no difference. There is the ' IT ' crowd at the local pub who I have tried getting in with for a while. If Im with my husband and 2 young kids I have the confidence to chat and have a laugh with them, and at times it seems like they enjoy my company a little. If my husbands not there, they don't seem to be as interested. None of them make any effort with me really, and I find it extremely difficult because I have sovcial anxiety. I do try my hardest to push myself to go out and chat as much as possible - however the anxiety and having 2 young children make a social life extremely difficult. Im just very tired of the pain this loniness causes. I feel Ive got so much to offer. When I read onn facebook about all the things all the people I know are doing I get so jealous and wonder why they never ask me. Ive even suggested things, hinted etc, but nothing changes

I was feeling the same way, and I actually googled 'why doesn't anyone like me' and this came up. Wow, that sounds even more sad when I put it into words. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one feeling this way. I love people, but I can't put forth the effort. According to my therapist, it's called Adult Attachment Disorder. Look into it a little.... knowing about it has at least helped me to start to identify my problems. I wish you the best of luck, and I promise you you're not as worthless as you think you are.

I don't completely agree with Chovhani. Friendship is an investment of yourself. Not everyone has the time to invest in trying to make a friendship work. It depends who you are trying to be friends with. Different people, different personalities. My best friend is also my husband, and we are so much a like that we can finish each others sentences. Still I take the effort every day to ask how his day went and to listen to him and to spend time with him. He does the same for me. Some days I may feel terrible and want to hide from the world and not talk to anyone, but I still make the effort to let him know I care and that he is important to me. Maybe that is the problem with friendships. No one feels like they have to go to that length for a "friend" . If everyone did, then people would be happier with their friendships. I guess that is why I am a recluse, I just don't have the time to put that kind of effort into being a friend to someone other than my Husband, and I would never consider giving less to someone I called a friend.

wow, I thought I was the only one like this, but, it's difficult, when you think you have made a friend, but find out later it was for the wrong reasons. or the friend you thought you had, and when they have reached a certain status in life; they forget you exist. or the person you ask to help, and you never hear from them again. it's sad, but I am in the same boat, at this time I guess I can say, my only friend is my laptop. or I take this back my 8year old son. : ) .. You all added a smile to my face. I am hear all the time, if anyone needs a friend...

I feel this way too please let me know something, if you found some way to fix it or just if you feel like talking.

its nice to know you feel like i do. It would be nice to have someone call me instead, i think it would help reassure me that i was worth their time

In my life and experience, which is actually pretty vast... I have found that almost everyone is superficial and shallow, even those who claim to be above that. Those who claim to be "drama free" are far worse. It's sad to see people miss out on real relationships these days because they simply can't act like real friends. It really seems like the bonds holding people together just aren't as strong as they used to be. One in a hundred people, if that, is reliable. One out of a hundred of those are good people. One out of a hundred of those are above the pressures of social life and can actually maintain a friendship.<br />
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It's hard. I know. I gave 99% to everyone and over the years, I've just withdrawn to about a 5%. The only reason I haven't become one of the very people I laothe is because I just withdraw. I don't lie or act shallow... I just remove myself from the world. It's sad that's the only way to keep integrity.

yeah i feel you i can make friends even though i think im weird and socially awkward. its keeping them thats hard basically because of what you wrote its a pain to 'find out" whats going on the good thing i have going for me is im gofy and fun loving so even if i think people dont like me most relly do and if they dont they are probably ********

My advice for you is, whatever you do, STAY YOURSELF!!! Don't try to impress other people just to 'fit in', but be yourself. Always!

its a pain that the harder i try to be a friend and establish friendships, the more this will come back at me as a slap in the face leaving me more frustrated and isolated than before

I feel very much like most of you. Growing up I had very few friends and typically just one person I would call a best friend. Every couple of years I would lose the best friend and find myself alone again, just to eventually make another best friend and repeat the cycle. I am now 26 and the cycle still continues. I have tried reinventing myself many times over and it just seems that no matter who I am or how I act I never fit 100% into any group.<br />
<br />
I know sometimes I can be unapproachable, but I am actually a really nice guy once someone gets to know me. I tend to hold myself back due to my trust issues and also to not make myself seem so eager. What is strange is that when people first meet me and I let them in, they actually latch onto me. However, I somehow push everyone away eventually and to this day I still do not know how. When I try to ask my so-called friends why, they run the opposite way as if I am too sensitive or acting to much like a women.<br />
<br />
Speaking of women, I have had a few girlfriends over the years but only one who I ever felt I truly had deep special feelings for, and who had the same for me. Unfortunately we were both young, both immature at the time and hurt each other so many times. She has a boyfriend now for some time and she seems to be truly happy for the first time in her life and while I am happy for her, I still wish to this day that it could have been me.<br />
<br />
Sometimes its my own lack of confidence in myself and just everyday sadness that I think brings other people down. This in itself I think stems from an earlier age, never having a good family life. Mom/Dad have always fought for as long as I can remember and none of us ever truly enjoyed each others company during holidays or casual get-togethers. I have an older sister, who lives in another state who I hardly talk to. I dont think she likes me very much either. I always wished I had an older brother. I think my life would be different today if I did.<br />
<br />
To add to my loneliness and depression, my career life has been just as disappointing. I have been laid off or fired from every job I have worked since graduating college and as of the last two years I have been working in my career as a self-employed freelance. While, I always wanted to worked for myself, this just adds to my poor social life, spending almost all of my time in the house and away from people. I know this just continues to add to my social phobia and anxiety but after so many years I do not know how to get out of this rut I am been in for so long.<br />
<br />
For sometime I got into working out and going to the gym every night, and meeting some great people. Unfortunately like everything else, this went to **** after I injured my back worse than it already was and had to stop. Good chance I have to go for surgery soon. <br />
<br />
Well, enough about me, my life is obviously nothing interesting to listen to. I just hope you all realize now that you are not the only ones out there who are experiencing what you feel and there are others who think they are just as pathetic as we see ourselves. We all probably have a common threshold that has put us all in this similiar situation. For those who believe in god, I guess he works in mysterious ways. Me, I just think our environment has taught us the wrong way to behave and how to interact with others, or maybe our personalities clash with those we have lived around and maybe we just should all move. The best advice I could give (even though I am far from someone who should give it), is 3 things: 1. We can either continue to try or we can find ourselves living alone forever. I guess its never to late 2. Nobody judges us as much as we judge ourselves. So no matter how pathetic we think we look, realize to other people its somewhat less than that. 3. Everybody is self-conscious about something, if you can unlock what it is and build up their confidence, you will be their silent hero. You never know, they may just want to be friends with us but afraid to ask.

I feel very much like most of you. Growing up I had very few friends and typically just one person I would call a best friend. Every couple of years I would lose the best friend and find myself alone again, just to eventually make another best friend and repeat the cycle. I am now 26 and the cycle still continues. I have tried reinventing myself many times over and it just seems that no matter who I am or how I act I never fit 100% into any group.<br />
<br />
I know sometimes I can be unapproachable, but I am actually a really nice guy once someone gets to know me. I tend to hold myself back due to my trust issues and also to not make myself seem so eager. What is strange is that when people first meet me and I let them in, they actually latch onto me. However, I somehow push everyone away eventually and to this day I still do not know how. When I try to ask my so-called friends why, they run the opposite way as if I am too sensitive or acting to much like a women.<br />
<br />
Speaking of women, I have had a few girlfriends over the years but only one who I ever felt I truly had deep special feelings for, and who had the same for me. Unfortunately we were both young, both immature at the time and hurt each other so many times. She has a boyfriend now for some time and she seems to be truly happy for the first time in her life and while I am happy for her, I still wish to this day that it could have been me.<br />
<br />
Sometimes its my own lack of confidence in myself and just everyday sadness that I think brings other people down. This in itself I think stems from an earlier age, never having a good family life. Mom/Dad have always fought for as long as I can remember and none of us ever truly enjoyed each others company during holidays or casual get-togethers. I have an older sister, who lives in another state who I hardly talk to. I dont think she likes me very much either. I always wished I had an older brother. I think my life would be different today if I did.<br />
<br />
To add to my loneliness and depression, my career life has been just as disappointing. I have been laid off or fired from every job I have worked since graduating college and as of the last two years I have been working in my career as a self-employed freelance. While, I always wanted to worked for myself, this just adds to my poor social life, spending almost all of my time in the house and away from people. I know this just continues to add to my social phobia and anxiety but after so many years I do not know how to get out of this rut I am been in for so long.<br />
<br />
For sometime I got into working out and going to the gym every night, and meeting some great people. Unfortunately like everything else, this went to **** after I injured my back worse than it already was and had to stop. Good chance I have to go for surgery soon. <br />
<br />
Well, enough about me, my life is obviously nothing interesting to listen to. I just hope you all realize now that you are not the only ones out there who are experiencing what you feel and there are others who think they are just as pathetic as we see ourselves. We all probably have a common threshold that has put us all in this similiar situation. For those who believe in god, I guess he works in mysterious ways. Me, I just think our environment has taught us the wrong way to behave and how to interact with others, or maybe our personalities clash with those we have lived around and maybe we just should all move. The best advice I could give (even though I am far from someone who should give it), is 3 things: 1. We can either continue to try or we can find ourselves living alone forever. I guess its never to late 2. Nobody judges us as much as we judge ourselves. So no matter how pathetic we think we look, realize to other people its somewhat less than that. 3. Everybody is self-conscious about something, if you can unlock what it is and build up their confidence, you will be their silent hero. You never know, they may just want to be friends with us but afraid to ask.

wow! you sound like an emo, try dressing well and being funny! who cares what people think of you, if your ok with yourself then everyone else will be to. try going on a short holiday and meeting someone, or going to a club or something.... just be yourself and don't try to hard

I love you people for being so bold and saying things that I am ashamed to say. Like how I take the advice to smile like I AM HAPPY and approachable and you would like me because I am smiling, and I'm witty and clever and well dressed and grocery clerks and hairdressers benefit from these qualities, and then I act like I am busy too. Not. I try to think of ways not to jump off the edge of the planet every night alone. My BF argues me every single day, but I stay with him because I have left him before and am afraid of myself when I am alone. He helps me buy my groceries too. So my food life would change if I left him. And I am attatched to him. Really attached. And I am alone and I don't have any friends. I have a couple of people who I can phone, but not too much because I don't want them to see how needy I am. Don't want them to see the truth. I don't blame them cause I don't want to see it either, in myself. But reading your thoughts here is probably the closest I'll get to not being lonely tonight. Because you guys feel like I do. Love you guys.

I'm sorry you feel this way. My son is 19 and is going through the same thing. He is a wonderful, kind, good looking guy. He has too many good qualities to list here. I'm sure you are the same. When this problem goes on for a time, it can wear away at your feelings of self worth. When you meet someone for the first time, ask them about themselves, work, school, hobbies, sports etc. People enjoy talking about themselves. These feelings will pass. Try not to stress about it. Treat people the way you would like to be treated.

I have very little desire to make any friends. It seems like everybody have alterior motives. People dump their problems on me and move on. So no more for me. I dislike people. I live in Upstate NY and hate it. Miss the south.

I have very little desire to make any friends. It seems like everybody have alterior motives. People dump their problems on me and move on. So no more for me. I dislike people. I live in Upstate NY and hate it. Miss the south.

Yeah, I'm sorta the same way and as a result I generally don't "chase" people (only one in the last 8 years)... I expect people to come to be as a sign that they are serious and have already done the thinking about whether or not they want to be in my life. I'm reminded of the age-old Laural ex<x>pression "The woman you have to fight to get is the woman you have to fight to keep"

Start being friendly wherever you go...smile alot...help someone who is worse off than yourself...and love yourself in a balanced way. If you do this...you'll start drawing friends to yourself.

i used to have close friends but then i changed schools a few times, it's hard for me to be closed to someone, i have some friends now but i never see them, my parents always tell me to call them, ask them what they're doing but i don't really like to do that, they never call me so why should i call them?<br />
i'd really like to have a best friend, someone i can talk about everthing, unfortunatelly i don't and it's really painful

i least expect from people but anyhow iam getting annoy by my friends these days i dont understsnd the feeling idont belive that any true or real friendship exist in todays world

iam facing the same problem it is very difficult to maintain afriendship for longer period of time

tough one this, as the saying goes you find out who your friends are, when you are going through troubled times or in difficult situations the fair weathered friend dissapear proving how false they were in the 1st place, i speak from experience having been through relationship breakups and been homeless my true friends stuck by me and are still in contact now, keep believing, there are nice people out there! good luck Rob

finding good friends or fvriends in general,is difficult with everyone"s expectations..sometimes it happens in the least likely ways..but often i find myself abandoned..even by my so-called best friend

I have never really had any close friends, I have always, even as a child felt like there was something wrong with me, instead of playing like other children did, i would would sit in the bush amongst the long grass and listen to the trees. I have always felt that I cannot relate to any body or that people found it really difficult to relate to me. I don't know what the answer is here except to keep praying that one day I can find someone who will be able to like me for me and I will be able to accept the fact that a person can like me for me. and in return that I can do the same for them. For all those that struggle with friendship, I wish you good luck!! and i would be happy to call any of you friends.

I've read your stories and you sound like a very nice person. I gather that you don't live in the United States as I do. That near death experience was so scary! And I can relate to the exhilaration after getting to the top, Wow! I am also so sorry for that awful experience with your cat Gabriel1 That was not your fault, it was a freak accident! What you said in your post about yourself struck me because you seem to be so hard on yourself. I know because I've been there. I have been through some very painful experiences in my life and I have chosen to forgive and to accept the cards I have been dealt. I have learned to love myself and accept myself just as I am. I tell you the truth that it has lifted such a weight off me! There is nothing "wrong" with you rent1980, how could there be, you are a part of God and God is Love. If I could I would give you a big hug. I offer you an invitation for friendship with me. I would love to hear back from you anytime you choose. Happy Holidays!

:)

I have to agree with CHOVHANI .join night class arts or books some think you had in mind to do for a long time . But first you have be gain to love yourself your the SUN the center and be your self and don't care watch they say or do .You will find some will say I like her then Coffey night wath ever its like a snow ball just gets bigger and bigger they think the same but you to work at .good lookkkkkkkkk

Have you expressed these feelings to your friends, have you asked them why they don't put in their half of the effort required to maintain a friendship, it doesn't seem like they do. I'm sorry you feel that way but as you can see you are not alone on here. :-)

wow, i just came across this thread after feeling sorr for myself and doing a google search. I can relate exactly to all of the comments here.<br />
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I'm 28 and have spent the last 3 years working overseas. I'm now back in my home city and just don't have the relationships anymore. Everyone has moved on and is now doing their own thing.<br />
<br />
I wish I could just be where I want to be, but right now I can't see how I'm going to get there.

I am surprised to find that this issue is more common than I thought it was. We all think that we are the only one with this problem. It must be true that misery loves company because I feel so much better to realize I am not the only one.

I'm in the exact same situation. Just found the tread after googling. I'm 25 and left home to work oversea in a 3 yrs contract. I haven't made friends yet and I literally live in the desert. I think I thought about it because we were at work chatting and someone made a joke to the guy who was showing his picture 'Do you have friends?' and laughed (it wasnt sarcastic at all, they were just having fun) and someone just said 'uh? is that even a question?' And I jokely said, 'it like saying Would you like to be my friend type of question. And then I thought, um, but I can't think of anyone here that I can call friends. Am I the only one who feels like she has no friend. Yeah. I fell sorry for myself too lol

yeah, i'm in the same mindset as you right now. I think, actually I know that I am slightly unapproachable though, that is part of my problem....that and like you said, I have had some major problems maintaining friendships. I have had some really good friends but they all moved and i'm not into the whole facebook/myspace thing, I know if I start doing that, I'll probably spend too much time so I don't even want to start it. What I think really sucks is, I'm 29 now and it's not like when i was in high school, or college and was automatically in situations where i was constantly around people in my age range and lifestyle. People who i do come into contact that are my age and/or have things in common with me usually already have a group of friends and don't really seem to be looking for more.....I feel like most people my age already have established friendships, and here i am looking to establish just one or two friendships, that makes me feel like a loser who will appear to be too eager, if i try to be friends with someone....i just end up feeling sorry for myself

I can relate to what you describe. I am 50 years old now and I have moved so often that my friendships were not lasting. I agree that most people have established their friendships in life by this age and don't make many "new" friends later in life. I must admit that I am a loner. Because of deep emotional wounds I decided it was better to be alone rather than risk getting hurt. But the price is very high I've realized. I have isolated myself to the point that I am without any friendships in my life and it is no longer what I want. I think people need people. United we stand divided we fall. Everywhere I look there are groups of people, from 2's to larger groups. It is the natural way of life, there is safety in numbers.. To love is to risk being hurt while hoping the one you love will not hurt you. It is risky to love and be loved but in the end I've realized that having no love and no friendships is just as painful as being hurt by a loved one or friend. Now my dilemma is how to go about making new friends. Everyone is so glued to their phones texting that people don't talk to each other person to person as much anymore. It seems to me that the best thing to do is join a club or take a class or find a craft. I would like to put the word out that I am looking for friendships, one would be just fine too. I am an avid reader. I enjoy learning so I like non-fiction material. I am spiritual and enjoy learning about the journey of life, how to become enlightened and ways to be of service to others, even if it's just by being cheerful. I like metaphysics! I would be thrilled to hear back from other experience project readers who would like me for a friend!

ditto! I am 26 and feel the exact same way...most of my good friends have moved or are married with children..and I work with all older women, so it has been difficult to try to meet new people to hangout with

Hi my name is d*****n, and i have great compasion 4 u .i too am in the same boat as you..maybe we can build a frienship through this site?!! :) i hope you will respond to this n we can chat.

I would be lying if I didn't say I never was that way. I remember two years ago, or maybe as recent as last year, I would call up people I barely knew and ask them to hang out or something, and they would tell me they were busy. I would go to such lengths to not be lonely, but... I would end up being so anyway.<br />
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My best friend is somebody whom I live near, a literal one-minute walk, and I don't have to work at the friendship, because I see and speak and share with her everyday. Maybe you could work on making friends with the people around you, whether it be a class mate or somebody ten years older or younger. You can't say "I can't, none of them don't/wouldn't/won't like me." Don't be a pessimist. Find somebody and say hello and smile. What I take comfort in is people are just as lonely as I am sometimes, and that we're all capable of the same thoughts. In fact, very capable. If somebody approached you and started a conversation and expressed the want to be your friend, you would be happy.<br />
<br />
Well, other people would be too. <br />
<br />
And so anyway, my advice to you is to make friends with people close by and it will make things easier and better for the most part. <br />
Contradicting my advice, I'm going to advertise to you a website my friend created for people like you. Sounds odd. "People like you." I don't have a demographic, I swear! It's thisishogwash.ning.com. I thought it was a sweet idea :3 But anyway, that's more support and acceptance than anything else, and I happen to like support and acceptance, so I assumed that you may too... <br />
<br />
:D

Hey, I feel a lot like you do. Like I can't be bothered with people sometimes, because I don't contact people every day to gossip about meaningless things.<br />
<br />
I have a friend like that who's constant berating me for not calling her or texting her, but she certainly wasn't there for me when I went through a break up recently.<br />
<br />
Maybe that's the reason she wasn't there. But true friends I have come to find don't actually need a reason to be there, they just are.<br />
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Chovhani is right - no effort should be involved. If you click then fine, if not - well, I'm not sure about that one yet.<br />
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But I do know that if once you do have a friend that really means something, you'll probably WANT to make the effort without feeling like it's a chore.<br />
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I feel a lot like you in assuming that people won't like me, or look at me as if I'm not one of them. But hell, I'm not gonna change who I am to suit. You either like me or you don't. And if not? Well, I've not lost anything have I?!!!

You know, that just sounds like the negative version of a much nicer reality:) You're absoltely right about the time it takes to chase after people. But they're not friends. Friends are people who make the whole deal easy. Friends are people who don't have to be chased, for two reasons, one you enjoy their company, and two they enjoy yours, so there is ZERO effort involved. <br />
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If it really was the effort you suggest, I'd be a hermit by now, believe me.

love it!!! smart girl:)

That sounds a lot like me. I still haven't figured out how to make and keep good friendships. <br />
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I agree, the effort it takes to keep a friendship going makes it all seem like it's not worth it. <br />
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Good story.