Never Really Had Friends I Trust, Actually.

Sure, I have friends that I am fond of, but most of the time, I know that they're just using me.

When I was a kid I attended a Catholic school where everyone saw me as "weird" cause they never saw my dad and I was an illegitimate child. No one ever really talked to me and the guidance councillor was my only friend but the administrators told me to go back to class so I did. Then the kids found out that my mom was kind of rich (thanks to my evil cousins) and only talked to me to ask for money. I thought they were my friends but when I invited them to my birthday party, not even ONE kid showed up.

We then moved to California and everything was new and different and I still had no friends. Since I am not a "pure bred" they often wondered why my name was like this and why I didn't look like that and no one wanted to associate with me. It was lonely being a kid and playing alone just cause you were different. We moved cities again and I changed schools, but I was only befriended so they could order me around. Some kids were nice at times, but they never ate with me nor played with me, I was still alone.

We then moved to my mom's country so I could graduate earlier (though I didn't) and I went to another private school that I went to in kindergarten. I was pretty famous there because my mom was good friends with the owner and we donated the money that had practically built the test of the school. I had acquaintances who were my classmates before, but I was left out as I wasnt smart like them.

I did found a "best friend" in the sixth grade though, and I was happy cause I knew that she was staying at the same school. But then in our first year in high school, I tried to talk to her but she told me that she forgot everything about our elementary days, and I was alone again.

I made a group of friends in the second year, but we fell apart because two of them got into a fight. They were my first real friends, and I couldn't choose, so I was alone, again. In our junior year they made up and we were so happy. I was happy cause I thought that I had that type of group of friends that would be my friends till I grew old, but again, they weren't.

One of my friends and I fought over a stupid seat in the field trip and it tore our group apart. I tried to win her back by buying that expensive pre-order signed albums from her favorite artist, she accepted it, then told me, "thanks but you can't buy friends with money." And it hurt because I didn't buy it just cause we fought, it was supposed to be my surprise for her on her birthday but it was shipped late because of us moving houses. We still aren't friends, but I guess we never were.

During senior year, I made a lot of friends, but they weren't the type that I could trust. They were just friends, there were times that I loved being with them and most of the time, I knew that they were just... using me.

I became a part of the popular kind of girl group that was of course full of those popular pretty girls that had at least 2 boyfriend in their lifetime. I never felt like I was a part of them, never. We had fun, we bonded, I went along with everything they asked me to do, but I never felt safe, never felt that I fit in. I felt like they just felt bad for me cause my mom died. I actually made a best friend from that group, but it turns out she really wasnt my best friend.

I did EVERYTHING for her.

When she wanted me to get close to a guy that wanted to date her just so I could tell her everything he planned on doing, I did, even if I hated him. Even if I hated him talking to me about how she didn't really love him and that she was probably gonna leave him, I endured that, for her. When she wanted me to stay away from some of my "other" friends who were a part of her clique that she fought with, I did! I even told her everything that they were saying behind their backs even though I felt so guilty about it.

But the one time I told her to keep the relationship with that guy... she ranted on how I kept on dwelling with her life. She told me that I was just, this person who liked to control people and that I didn't even have a heart. It hurt when she said that cause I, like before, thought that she was the best friend I had been waiting for, I guess she wasn't.

When we graduated, I distanced myself from them, ALL OF THEM. I deactivated my facebook, and twitter, and didn't enter college yet (though there are other reasons which you'll probably know once I post it somewhere here) and avoided them like the plague.

I went online once, though.

They said that they "missed me" and yet they never, not once visited my house, but when they wanted to party at my house they would go without even asking. They were never really my friends.

I know my story doesn't sound as bad as some of you but I just had to let it out, my family thinks I'm just being "shy" but they don't know me, none of them know me.

But it felt good letting it out :)
gonefromtheedge gonefromtheedge
18-21, F
1 Response Mar 28, 2013

I will be your friend :)
I hate that feeling, when you know that no one really understands you...

Thank you :)

It's the worst feeling in the world :/