Post

I Have No Friends, No Social Life

I am 40 years old, I have no job, no money and my health is ‎bad.‎
My joints hurt whenever I do any physical effort.‎
Unfortunately there is no treatment for that, except avoiding ‎such activities.‎
Although I am quite unhappy about my current situation, I can ‎now mostly overcome the bad feelings linked to that.‎
I have learned to accept myself the way I am. ‎
I keep on fighting against all the obstacles everyday trying to ‎make my life better, without forgetting however that I have ‎limited capabilities and I can do only limited things.‎
I think I've found the right balance.‎
I am in a steady relationship with a very nice lady, quite older ‎than me, so I don’t look for dating or sex.‎
What I miss the most however is a social life.‎
I have no friends at all and I cannot have them.‎
It seems that everything is connected.‎
I am nice person, I always look for contacts, I always make ‎the first step, I start talking to people and I never complain ‎about myself. I always show my bright side.‎
I am clean, I take care of my appearance and I shower and ‎shave everyday.‎
Sometimes it seems to work at the beginning, I meet some ‎new people and I have the feeling that a friendship begins.‎
Then unfortunately I can almost never keep it up: either I ‎cannot go with them to this or that place because it is too ‎expensive for me, or I cannot going with them practicing this ‎or that activity because of my bad health.‎
But I don't say to them the real reasons and I have to find ‎every time a new excuse.‎
At the end they get annoyed.‎
My house is always open, and I always invite them for a ‎coffee or something, but they never come, I have the feeling ‎they find this a waste of time.‎
I live in Europe and sometimes I wonder if this is a typical ‎European attitude.‎
Is it different in other parts of the world?‎
Or, what am I doing wrong?‎
Rodd Rodd 36-40, M 12 Responses Aug 8, 2007

Your Response

Cancel

Thankfully I won't live to write a story like this one.

I thing the truth is the best thing. I am sickly even though I may not look like it, and i am on very limited financial situation, if you like we can play cards at my house checkers or chess or uno but going out being really active is just not for me and u can call me all the time and talk and I will be as supportive as I can be but bare with me and my limitations. If you don't go out with people ever and they don't know why they take it as you are not their friend you are not there when they need you. Tell the truth and I believe some people will accept you start coming over. You are blessed to have a girl friend too.

I also have little to no friends. Mine is mental though as I suffer from Social Phobia & depression. However, I find that I'm actually starting to enjoy my own company & although it can be extremely lonely at times........I'm not looking for friends to relief that feeling. If people can't accept my "limitations" & understand, than I don't need them nor want them.

The difference between us I think is I'm upfront with them. You should definitely try to let them know you have limits to what you can do & the ones that are truly interested in being your friend will find ways to do things you can do as well. : ) Good luck!

I think if I kept making excuses for not joining in an activity, people'll get pissed at me for being a liar. But that's just me.

i have no job no friends either. It has nothing to with health. ADHD is the problem. No one wants to get know me to make the effort. when I reach out, I am rejected and people get annoyed with me. They find me disgusting and gross. Even when I reach out. The person whom I see as a big sister doesn't want me around her. So now I have to let her go. My best friend made new friends and told me she wants me to leave her alone. They leave me because i do have adhd.

Hi Rodd, No, it's not a European thing at all. I'm in the states. When I was healthy I had tons of friends but I also lived in a community of people who had a particular type of illness that I had yet I could still get around. Now I'm in a wheelchair and I have severe intestinal problems that no doctor can help. So, the few friends left where I live don't visit since they're busy with their own health issues or don't have cars, or or or. My best friends all left here to return to their homes for various reasons. Many came for treatment to a facility here. So, I have no one here. I never did have a family even when I was in New York. The'd barely see me since they're healthy and active and I'm not. Having health problems limits one's life.



So, I'm very lonely. I haven't seen my family in 9 years and I used to go to Arizona every Christmas to see cousins and a good friend and to New York every summer so I could easily travel to beaches. I was a very active person. Now age has crept up on me and I live in an independent senior place and the people in Texas I've never related to , yet I've been here more than half my life, I have no boyfriend and I see no friends. My only contacts with friends are on the phone around the country or on the computer ocasionally. I saw two cousins once each in ten years for a weekend. That's the extent of my family situation. Anyway, I do try to get out when i'm able but I still don't feel any connection at all to anyone I meet. New Yorkers are a different breed, but, I'm not well enough to move and couldn't afford to live there. And not one family member would make it possible anyway for me to. So, I'm on the phone a lot talking to people around the country. The only person i see in person in my personal attendant who helps me with my life.



I know about physical problems limiting ones life and i definitely think you need to share this with the friends you start to make. I think they'd understand and the one'[s who really like you would stick around. Otherwise they think you're rejecting them. It's risky sometimes to be real and honest but in the long run it is always the best position to take. When I shared my health stuff with the few friends or now acqaintences I have they disappeared. So, not everyone will understand but it's still better that I did. A good friend would be there on days when I can function. Unfortunately I haven't found that. It's hard to think that when I did all the initiating and contacting and could get around I had friends and now when I can't they all disappeared. This is something that disturbs me greatly. It's very difficult being alone, yet, you're not alone since you do have a partner, though that doesn't take the place of a good friend. It's still a lot and I mean a lot better than no one. Good luck. Velvetflow

I am in USA, and I have almost the same problem. I am disabled, I have a BF I hardly see. I have no other friends. I am too tired to join others most of the time..

Hang in there, your're OK!! :-)

hi rodd,

welcome to this forum. sorry to hear about your aches. u have a lady in your life and that's positive, isn't it? as a couple, u could do things like dance class and meet other couples for friendship...just a idea. there's a site at http://adultswithoutfriends.blogspot.com that has ideas on it. keep trying, don't give up. smile at people, everybody likes that and will think u r friendly. good luck rodd.

Definately with EPErica, they probably start to feel you don't really want to have anything to do with them. Or that you don't care about their interests if you always make up excuses instead of saying 'I'd love to do that but I really can't (brief explanation you don't have to go into lifes story just 'I can't really walk that far due to my health' etc) , however if you are interested I/we are doing such and such " dunno its hard to connect with people if you can never do anything together though.

I have no friends of my own. Don´t need them really...My friends are my cats. My acquaintances are my wife´s and that´s all.

I´m too awkward and I drive people away so now I basically enjoy my own company. Maybe I should give up looking for people with common interests. Where the **** are they any way ?



And no, Rodd. That´s not a typical european attitude. Don´t generalise. As a european born and bred citizen of the world I tell you it´s not quite like that.

Depends on where you´re living. Take people from southern european countries as an example...they are more outgoing and they have thousands of years of streetmarket and public square socializing.



There´s a lot of inexpensive indoor activities...like gaming, knitting or reading circles...use your imagination. The rest will turn out naturally.



And remember...perhaps there´s some lonely people out there...wishing they had some like YOU as a friend. :)

If I lived in Europe I would be your friend. I don't have any either really.

Maybe you should try telling your new friends the real reason you can't do this or that. Your excuses may make them think that you aren't really interested in spending time with them.