I Feel Out of Place.
I feel so out of place in this world. My whole life I've always felt this way. I feel kind of strange doing this and having joined this site. Even when I was in grade school I had maybe five friends and through high school I was mostly friends with guys and everytime I dated one well, as soon as they got what they wanted I would never hear from them again. I used to get high with all my friends and left that sceane to live a more healthy and grown up lifestyle. I got into really great shape and without sounding like I am bragging I looked like Karina Lombard's doppleganger (everybody told me so) and I got asked out nearly everyday by some new guy. Since then, I put on a lot of weight and suddenly nobody seemed to like me. My husband's mother hated me and reminded me how picky my husband was. I have lost weight and I feel very good about myself for the first time in six years. I will be a size five again. I have tried making friends but I don't like many of the girls I meet, they are not like me and can be pushy. The ones I do want to be friends with don't want to be mine. My husband tells me that I am unsociable. I have no disorder of any kind and I am very friendly. I will strike up conversations with anybody anywhere, but I just can't seem to make any friends. I did join an organization to help animals and to make friends but, they were all women (meaning they were caddy women) and many of them were unfriendly themselves, very nerdy, or overbearing or they didn't want a new person to invade in their click. I could not even fit in a group of girls like that! I also have a problem trusting people that they do not talk about me behind my back. I always catch an eyeroll or the ever-so-famous look at the other person and make a look both agreeing that I am odd. I hate how this always happens to me! I am not all that weird. I love fashion, ask me anything about it. I love weather such a tornados, hurricanes. I love documentaries and anything that makes you think. I read biographies on famous women in history. I enjoy wine, have a great laugh, and workout very hard. Why am I such an outcast?! What is wrong with me?! Okay, sure I can be a snob but, I'm not always that obvious. Many times I am very compationate and understanding. I've tried changing my view point on myself because I know how you look at yourself, the rest of the world looks at you that way. My mom ran herself too thin to ever notice me half the time and my dad was never emotionaly there for me only when he was hitting and yelling at me. I thought about getting into therapy and I know I should but, how is that going to help me in getting friends. Do you know, my parents aren't even my friends. My two older over- achieving sisters whom are both wealthy and succesful are obviously my parents favorites. My dad never hit them and my parents fly up to see them all the time. My mom doesn't even call me. I never finished college, but I do know what I want to do and that is showing people how to lose weight and feel better about themselves through personal training. I will be working on my certification in the next year. I feel like because I have not accomplished what my sisters have done it causes my parents to both not take me serioulsy or love me the same way. This is just an example of how different they treat me compared to them. For Christmas they always gave my sisters very epensive gifts, as for me, I only get about 100.00 dollars. Usually in cash now that I am an adult. I always thought it may be because they were married and grown up. Wrong. I am now married for three years and almost thirty, my mom didn't even send me a birthday card or present. Are some of my issues in not having friends due to the lack of attention and affection I got in my family? I was adopted as a baby, my two older sisters are biological. I never thought once before that I was any different because of that. Now, I begin to wonder. Somebody please help me. I don't feel like I belong anywhere. I don't have a friend in the world (except my husband) and I don't know why it has been a harder road for me than others I know. What is wrong with me?