Is There Something Wrong With Me?

In high school I wasn't the stereotypical "loner". I had friends. I didn't always have someone to eat lunch with but whatever. After graduation everyone went their own way. Everyone went to college and met more people. Me I didn't I went to work and made "friends" through there. Even with that done I felt everyone was more of an acquaintance. I don't have people who randomly call me up asking me if I want to hang out. Sometimes I wish I did. Sometimes I don't. All in all in times like these when I just totally feel withdrawn, empty, and numb yes I wish I had friends I could talk to about it. It would make dealing with **** a lot easier than bottling it up all the time.


sparecincture sparecincture
18-21, F
2 Responses Feb 14, 2010

I've joined clubs and groups of my interests but even those people don't want to be friends. I'm friendly, kind to a fault, when i meet people , I'm always the one to phone people asking how they doing, when I ask let us do this or that then they always busy and non of them call me unless they need something or someone to listen. I think it might have to do with Self Perception/Self Esteem/Self Confidence, even people with these suffer but not that badly. I suffer from Loveshyness and we seriously lack all the above mentioned. So I decided to play the part, just act confident charming and almost arrogant and wow, people just flock around you like you giving away free honey. It's like that dull rusted toy nobody wants to play with, give it some shine, polish and glitter and everyone want's to play with it. The problem i find with this is that it's not me I'm just acting, maybe all those popular people are also just acting, but it might get you in the door so that people can get to know the real you which is mostly likely awesome...

is it worth faking who you are just so people will like you?

I can't really give advice here, but I totally understand what you wrote. I do have friends who I can talk to, but no one I can really reveal myself to and no one who calls to see what's up or how I'm feeling. I use the good old diary when I need to reveal something that I don't think I can tell anyone.