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What Purpose?

I'm not sure I have a purpose.  I always thought my purpose in life was to be a Mom, but that's not a likely scenerio for me unfortunately.  So, I work with children, but recently got laid off, so now i'm not sure I was even on the right path for me.  I know life isn't fair, but when I see 14 year olds with babies it really ****** me off.  Why should they be able to have them, and I can't?  I have a fear that any man who finds out how hard it is for me to have kids (not to mention the expense and if it will even work at all) will not want to have anything long term with me. Its just sad because I feel like I have so much love to give......more then anything, it just breaks my heart. Hopefully my "purpose" will reveal itself to me in time.  But for now....I just live day to day and live.  Thats all you can do, right?

 

onestepatatime onestepatatime 26-30, F 4 Responses Jul 7, 2008

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Hi onestepatatime,<br />
<br />
I believe your question probably resounds loudly with many of us. It's akin to the commonly stated "existential angst" that runs amuk in most all of us. Living day to day is all you can ever do, because it's all we have. Throughout your day, stop and ask yourself, 'In this moment, what is lacking?' The answer is almost always "nothing." You may be spending time talking with a friend, and enjoying the conversation, or taking a walk and allowing yourself to truly be aware of your surroundings, and perhaps observing something that you never noticed before. Our lives exist in moments, for that's all we really have. The past is gone...replaying it can drive you nuts because the ending is always the same. The future doesn't even exist. How many times have you worried about something that never actually transpires? I believe we may never actually realize our purpose, because what we perceive it to be may be an illusion, a fantasy if you will. It seems as if your purpose is right before you today, although you cannot see it because you want what you want, and erroneously believe that an external event (i.e. having a baby) will fulfill your purpose. <br />
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You mention that you have so much love to give, which tells me you are a gentle, empathic person. And I imagine others know this about you. So perhaps that is your purpose...to share your love in other ways that will bring you a sense of peace in your life. But please understand, and this is my humble opinion, your purpose is within you. You will not truly find it in any external place or with another person. Embrace what you already have within you, and enjoy your life now. There is nothing outside of yourself that can "make" you happy or content. <br />
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I hope things will work out for you...Just know you are the only one that can make that happen. Every day, we have the ability to choose how we want to behave and how we want that day to be.<br />
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I apologize for the "epistle." It's just a very important subject that we all grapple with at some point in our lives.<br />
<br />
I wish you well and hope you can enjoy the journey!

I am sure you touched many lives with your work with children. You are still young and I think you should know that any man worthy of your love and devotion will be willing to create a life with children in a way you never expected. Families should be created with love and I really hope you find it.

Yep thats all you can do.

wrong - (well yea- live day to day maybe) but no - guys who love you won't care if you can have kids or not (some would prefer that). My friend married his gf who can't have kids - they are finishing up an adoption process now. They love their new son just as much as I love my kids.....We all have our purpose in life, even if we don't understand what it is (cause i sure as hell don't understand what mine is still but that don't stop me from going on day after day...)