I Just Don't Know What To Do With MyselfAnd this is getting pretty old. But here's another one.
No one will help if I'm not willing to help myself but what do I do? I don't know.
And this is pretty stupid. I'm not a child. By now I should have had a clear direction. An Idea of where my strengths and weaknesses lie. A purpose. What I am and what I want to do.
Since spring I had taken a huge chance and worked pretty much for it till fall and then I didn't quite fulfill the role I was assigned. I mean I was not entirely miserable but I was, partly.
In fact, some pressure, depression and I just let myself go. But this is also true that I had always felt that I was not belonging here.
I think this is my way of dealing with things? Running away. Looking for what I can't have. This is not right. People make a choice and stick to it.
When was the last time I felt completely proud for doing things I should? I don't know. When I'm getting things done too, i'm having lots of regret and hatred going on inside.
But I guess feelings can't be helped. In the grand plan of things, feelings hardly matter. Time is a cruel teacher but it's also very wise. It wipes pain away and years later when it's all gone, good memories bring more joy than the pain bad memories bring.
At least that's what I think.
No, that's what I want to think for now.
FreeFallWall 22-25, M 4 Responses 0 Dec 15, 2011