Stuck In A Rut

I thought I had my life figured out at the bitter age of 18. I was going to admit myself to a mental institute to remove myself from the woes of society.
I've always been the type of person to awkwardly communicate with others. My personality is sort of dual in representing both sides of a situation or idea. It often causes me to be indecisive and unmotivated because of my lack of self-persuasion. I harbor guilt like there is no tomorrow.
I had another aspiration to become a renowned microbiologist through dedication in academics and research. Unfortunately I had to forgo my plans because my parents decided higher education was a lackluster addition in my life.
I recollect often on how disappointed I am at myself and my parents for hindering my abilities at becoming successful in life.
I lie to myself and now jobs that I apply to because I do not view myself as successful or optimistic.
Sure, I may laugh at times, but I always send myself back to the breaking point.
Slipping in and out of madness to no avail.
I have no college education. Just a diploma. I have no relative, groundbreaking experience that distinguishes me from the mob of others applying to positions. I do not offer conventional approaches at solving problems when asked "How would you...". Why does my mind work this way?!
In addition, my body and cognitive mind seems to be deteriorating, AND I'M only in my mid twenties. It may be my thyroid to blame, but I feel as if nothing will help.
I've lost all since of time.
As an individual laden with melancholic thoughts, I am clueless on how to stop withering away and renew my life's ambitions.
nosanity nosanity
22-25, F
1 Response Dec 3, 2012

Without taking away from your own misery - I understand how you feel. I have never been so lost and disappointed. I have so many dreams and they seem to be going no where and it just adds to the misery.
I am of the same age and it just means that I have lost so much time.
I want to give you hope but I don't feel as if I have any myself.