I Don't Know What It Is I Want

I'm a senior in high school in my second semester. The first semester was exciting; I was at the top of the food chain, and soon enough I could high-tail my way out of this place for good. Trouble is, I've always been terrible at school. For example, I have a 2.95 overall GPA. Also, as a senior, you're required to pass two classes to graduate: an English class and a government class. Last semester i was failing the English class. I squeaked by with a C- by getting a 100% on my final. I know doing this isn't good for me, but I've never learned to do well in school, so it feels like it's too late to start now. College would be a maximum of two years of a community college and one year of a state school: it's all my parents can afford, and going into debt isn't an option.

Basically, I don't feel like I would be any good at college because of how terribly I do in high school, and there aren't any colleges that would want me anyway because of my piddling GPA and pathetic course choices. I never prepared for college early in my schooling - I never thought I was going (but that's another story). Every time I search for what I should do if college doesn't sound appealing to me I get the same answer: "do what you love". I don't even know what that is. I think I know what I like, but I just cannot see myself sticking to one thing for the rest of my life. I feel like I can't make a decision because I've lived only in this tiny community my whole life, and have yet to see more of the world; so how could I possibly know what I would want to do?

I see friends and acquaintances reeling in acceptance letters and preparing for being shipped off to their dream colleges. I haven't applied anywhere. I haven't even taken the SAT. I'm just so confused and lost and have no sense of direction whatsoever. The sooner graduation creeps forward, the more it feels like an impending doom.
therealputin therealputin
18-21, M
3 Responses Jan 18, 2013

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There's no way anyone wouldn't know what they want.
You either want something, or you don't want anything.

Or do you want to "want something"? To me, that's just getting pushed around by "do what you want" people.

true but wht is really going on is he has roads but he doesnt want to take too big of a risk and get burned. his past experiences dont reflect well on his future endeavors. thts why he is lost. he needs a strong father figure to give him a little push in the right direction and guide him a little. he will hav to decide where to go though, because no one but him can decide that. im not discrediting your view im just saying wht i believe is going on. hes the only one who knows whts going on in his life. ;)

His past exp reflect that not much will come out of doing something he doesn't actually want to do, or that's how I read it.
He's lost because everyone around him, seemingly, wants something, does what they want, and want him to do what he wants (or to paraphrase the last part: your life - your problem). And it just doesn't sound like he wants anything... other then to high-tail his way out of the place; and even then it's not to get somewhere he wants to be - it's just to get away.

hey buddy im exactly the same way. i think about that question every night. i always feel like im goint to explode or that im so close to finding the truth but it never comes. take this with a grain of salt because some people get to college and they just blossom. my story (the usual) was the opposite. i failed/dropped out after one semester. i dont think i knew why i was really there. my cousin was a slacker, terrible grades and he just loves it and has been doing great so far. my other cousin was doing great until the her last semester of her fourth year and she failed out. u just never kno. if u do go remember to be as open-minded as u possibly can. go to the events! dont judge people. try to make new friends. and if u go with old friends dont cling to them like your going to die if u let go. if they dont want to go to something but you think u want to even a little, just go without them. i really wish i knew tht back then. i think u wont have too many problems if u remember this advice. oh ya and be careful with the whole working a job and going to school thing. work enough to have some money to play with (if u need to), but dont even remotely work too much, ever! ive seen tht destroy more kids than anything. oh ya and u dont hav to know 100% what u want to do. u can take gens to start and whtever u do do NOT let them push u into any major! if u think u might like something then just sample it but if there is any doubt in your mind either do some more sampling or move on to a different major. dont get stuck in a major u dont really believe in. hmmm.... there may b more but this should b enough to dwell on for a while.