I Don't Know What It Is I WantI'm a senior in high school in my second semester. The first semester was exciting; I was at the top of the food chain, and soon enough I could high-tail my way out of this place for good. Trouble is, I've always been terrible at school. For example, I have a 2.95 overall GPA. Also, as a senior, you're required to pass two classes to graduate: an English class and a government class. Last semester i was failing the English class. I squeaked by with a C- by getting a 100% on my final. I know doing this isn't good for me, but I've never learned to do well in school, so it feels like it's too late to start now. College would be a maximum of two years of a community college and one year of a state school: it's all my parents can afford, and going into debt isn't an option.
Basically, I don't feel like I would be any good at college because of how terribly I do in high school, and there aren't any colleges that would want me anyway because of my piddling GPA and pathetic course choices. I never prepared for college early in my schooling - I never thought I was going (but that's another story). Every time I search for what I should do if college doesn't sound appealing to me I get the same answer: "do what you love". I don't even know what that is. I think I know what I like, but I just cannot see myself sticking to one thing for the rest of my life. I feel like I can't make a decision because I've lived only in this tiny community my whole life, and have yet to see more of the world; so how could I possibly know what I would want to do?
I see friends and acquaintances reeling in acceptance letters and preparing for being shipped off to their dream colleges. I haven't applied anywhere. I haven't even taken the SAT. I'm just so confused and lost and have no sense of direction whatsoever. The sooner graduation creeps forward, the more it feels like an impending doom.