What The Hell Do I Do Now?

I just graduated in december after  9 long years of trying to get this stupid psychology degree, 9 fing years for a degree I can't do anything with. i've always had a hard time making up my mind about anything and education was no different. My boyfriend takes care of me he's an aeronautical engineer and I feel so unimpressive compared to him, I'm sure the fact that I haven't worked in almost a year is just as frustrating as being the dumb *** that can't get a job. And I hate psychology I did social work for a year and I ******* hated it, I was happier bagging groceries when I sixteen at the supermarket. Not to mention I got fired from that job due to my lack of motivation for helping crazy *** 15 year old boys with no respect for people or life, it breaks you down pretty quick if you're not the type that likes to be mind ****** by crazy kids who's parents treated them like monsters their whole lives. And I feel compassion for them and I wanted to help but I couldn't stand seeing all these crazy ****** up people around me who beat their kids up or sexually abuse them and they're just ruined people after that. I couldn't deal with that kind of responsibility does that make me a **** up too? But now I don't know what to do I'm very shy and quiet and have a hard time being around new people, I have these stupid panic attacks and I'm practically a shut in, people terrify me and the only person I have is going to leave me if I can't figure this **** out. I feel like everything has come to this huge breaking point and i'm either going to sink or swim but it may not be pretty. I mean I have potential I'm not stupid and I'm likeable but I don't shine like some people do I'm overly self conscious and it's obvious that I'm not comfortable in my own skin. How do I break all these terrible patterns I've created? I've been this way my whole life and I'm so scared that the future is going to be so bleak that I'll end up alone with nothing and no one. Can someone offer any advice for a girl with no self esteem and bachelors degree in psychology with little to no work experience? Should I just give up now or should I keep going and know it will be ok some day. Do they have help groups for people who are agoraphobic and anti social what about those who can't commit to a life plan or get a job. I've officially lost it and I can only watch so many reruns of Dexter in one day how do I get my life moving in a positive direction? how do you create ambition to do anything when you've spent the last 3 years afraid of everything? Please tell me I'm not crazy and that i'm not the only one. Please Help!!!!

lostmarilyn lostmarilyn
26-30, F
4 Responses Feb 8, 2010

This would be a good time for you to rebuild...do something that scares you everyday and after you do it treat yourself to Dexter or whatever show you enjoy. Start out small, Find ONE interest, try to find something that you desire and once something pops up...stick it. The excuses will naturally form but throw them out and have faith in it. Follow the path and harvest it. Let it build and you will grow. Passion and compassion will be you life support if you choose to swim. :) Do what you love...love what you choose and the rest will work itself out. O and remember to breathe and meditate when times get shaky.

Hey, I'm just really curious. I know this post is really old but I'm sort of going through the same thing and I just want to know how you are doing now.

I know exactly what you mean. I feel like if I continue with my anthropology degree I won't get anywhere I want to be or a get a job I want. I'm working a theatre now I really wonder if I should just drop out and try to move up on the ladder and eventually become general manager or something. Is that a little pathetic i wonder? Though like you said, you were happier bagging groceries. I have no motivation for school either with nothing keeping me going. At this moment I have a 10 page paper due yesterday and I'm only on page 3. What does that tell you about how much I love school right now?

You are not alone. I've never know what i wanted to do when i grew up. I had no attraction to anything in particular. I still don't. Worse yet, I can come up with a thousand excuses why a certain job isn't right for me, but can't think of anything I would enjoy doing. When I do try new things, they seem to backfire or otherwise not work out for me. These negative events then make me scared to try again. My anxiety disorder has kept me unemployed or shackled to low income jobs.