Lost

I am 40 years old and should have it together by now but i don't about a year ago i seperated from my husband so now i am a single mum with 2 children paying off a morgate and no job i have suffered with depression as long as i can remember i have been on anti depprsents  but find that they do not help me i also did counselling and talked to people but also find that they do not help me i am lonley cry a lot and feel sorry for myself the only thing that i am so strong about is my children my daughter is my strength all my life i have been put down but most of all i let myself down i can never do what i set out to do even though i try i am not lazy but latley i have little energy and little imagination since i seperated from my husband my family have been very distant as its a complicated story . but  i thought my family would be their for me but like always i am on my own i love my family very much but have come to relize that  as i have always known deep inside that i was never that important to my family i have 3 sisters and a brother and yes i am the odd one out my three sisters are older and my brother is younger i was never the model child because i suffered with depression but was told i was just a inconvineance not in so may words. So how can you become a adult when youve alway been rejected by the most important people in your lives.  I have told my family this but yes it in my mind.  I don't feel the need to go on for myself. but it would be selfish of me to do that to the children i love dearly  they are what keeps me going besides my children i do not know how to love anybody else and i ask myself the question why all the time.

If somebody can help me with not answers but an understanding of how our live go so wrong it would be greatley appriciated.

cazza1968 cazza1968
41-45
Mar 2, 2009