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Just Sick Of It All

I DONT KNOW WHERE TO START WITH THIS IT ALL IS A BIG DEPRESSING WRECK AND IT HAS BEEN FOR SEVERAL YEARS HARDLY HAVE ANY FAMILY ANYMORE THEY HAVE PRETTY MUCH FORGOT ABOUT ME DUE TO MY PAST ACTIONS ME AND MY MOTHER NO LONGER TALK ANYMORE AND NEITHER DO ME AND MY FATHER AND IT HAS BEEN THAT WAY FOR AT LEAST 5 YEARS THE PEOPLE THAT I ONCE CALLED FRIENDS HAVE DISAPPEARED ON ME I TRIED TO BE THERE FOR THEM WHEN THEY NEEDED SOMEONE AND NOW THERE NO LONGER AROUND I DO SUFFER FROM DEPRESSION AND I AM BIPOLAR AND THE DEPRESSION REALLY TAKES ME DOWN HARD I DO NOT TAKE ANY KIND OF MEDS FOR THOSE PROBLEMS WITH THAT I DO NOT EVEN HAVE ANY INSURANCE FOR THOSE OR TO EVEN GET MYSELF CHECKED OUT OR A CHECK UP AND I HAVE NOT EVEN DONE THAT IN ABOUT 6 YEARS WHICH IS ABOUT AS LONG ITS BEEN FOR ME WITH OUT INSURANCE POINT BEING IS MY LIFE IS A WRECK AND I KNOW I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE WITH SUCH PROBLEMS SOMETIMES I FEEL IT WOULD BE BETTER IF I WAS NOT EVEN AROUND IT IS EVEN HARD FOR ME TO HANG ONTO A JOB I FEEL SO WORTHLESS EVEN THOUGH EVERYDAY I CLEAN THINGS THAT DO NOT EVEN NEED CLEANED I HARDLY GET OUT I DO NOT HAVE ANY FRIENDS ANYMORE I FEEL LIKE I AM JUST WASTING PEOPLES TIME I WOULD JUST LOVE TO GO BACK TO THE HIGH SCHOOL DAYS WHEN I HAD THE FRIENDS I DID WHEN WE PROMISED TO ALWAYS STAY IN CONTACT BUT INSTEAD WE LOST CONTACT AND LOST EVERYTHING ELSE I AM ALWAYS SO EASY AT GIVING UP EVERYDAY I HATE GOING OUTSIDE BECAUSE I WOULD RATHER WASTE MY OWN TIME INSTEAD OF BOTHERING OTHERS
ShatteredMemories ShatteredMemories 31-35, M 3 Responses May 3, 2011

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Alright.. well capitalizing all ur words definitely caught my eyes. I could definitely experience the fury as u deliver those words. Ask urself this, Are you willing to make a change in ur life? Are you ready to break free out of ur comfort zone 2 try again? Do u want to keep living under the shadow of ur own depression?? Ur making a progress just writing abt this online which means ur being open, that's a good sign. Maybe find sumthing in common w/ sum1 wud be a great next step to relieve sum of the weights on ur shoulder right now. Meet up w/ the person if u don't think he/she is a creep then what do u know? Just might find sum1 who wud actually want 2 be close friends w/ u

I see what misterygurl says and although there is merit in what she says, it is so much easier to say than to do. To be in the place you are in now is a very lonely, immobilizing, desolate place. You cannot reach out to make the contact she suggests you make. There are no doors which you can open, it is so dark where you are, you cannot see the door handles. Its like a black rubber bag that encases you and you struggle to escape but from there you cannot. It feels like you will be stuck there forever, the only escape you may or will find will be through your demise. At night you lay in your bed and breath does not come until your body struggles for it. In your mind death is your partner that comes and dances with you nightly, begging you to succumb completely to his desires, begging him to take you as he dances with you so close to your skin and yet just out of reach leaving you panting and begging him to finish, please just finish.

Perhaps these are your thoughts and feelings, perhaps not. They were mine for quite a long time, please try taking omega 3 fatty acids found in fish oil, a very common supplement found in the vitamin area of your local pharmacy/Walmart. I suggest this because I was where you are and this helped me. I was watching a morning news show that was talking about a study that had been done on cases of depression in areas where fish was the major food source for that area and how low they were. I was desperate, I had no insurance, I was willing to try just about anything. I started taking the fish oil and after about three months I noticed that my thoughts were changing. I was a cutter, I always had razor blades and always thought about cutting. After 3 months I noticed that the thoughts about cutting would come in my mind but they did not linger as they did before. I started thinking about things from a different perspective and really helped me move away from that darkness in my mind that was holding me hostage.

I hope that you will try this, I hope that it will help you in the same way it helped me, I know where you are, I have been there and for far too long, I was desperate, I thought death was my only way out. I am so much better now, I have goals, ambitions, drive, the will to live, more importantly the desire to live. Good luck to you and I know you can only do so much where you are but hopefully you are at least at a place where you want to get out of there and do something to change things....

maybe you should try to get back in contact with your parents and show them how much you have changed otherwise you might regret not fixing things. second you should go out and try to make new friends then. when one door shuts another one opens you just need to try to move on and start fresh it could be the best thing to do.