Today I Realized My Life Has No Meaning....

I think that for a long time (practically my entire life of 31 years.) i have just been too damn nice to people. I have never kept in the front of my mind that you only live once and its YOUR LIFE. I give and give and give. And i give with a smile
Sometimes i give too much and feel empty at the end of it. Because no one appreciates my help, my smile, my kind heart. I dont complain, i dont ask for much at all...
I wake up , get my kids to school. ( their dad, who i have been w for almost 9 years is in the hospital every month for a week.) sometimes with no help if daddys not around. they are both boys, 6 and 8. they dont appreciate me either. my oldest can be quite hurtful and rude. i drop them off, go to a sucky kitchen job, come home have 3 hrs. to myself and the boys then off to another dead end job at a dollar store, then come home starving , bitchy and tired . Shove my face full of food, watch tv, and hope to fall asleep. Where in that amount of time to i even get to think for myself, let alone , take a ****, eat, or even pay attention to my kids. My needs are last. And all this money goes to waste. Theres nothing to show for it. Bills bill and more bills.
I do not do drugs, take pills drink or even smoke cigarettes. I kinda get jealous when someone says they are having anxiety and pop a pill to take it all away. I just fight the emotions till i feel like i do now.
I feel like i have no meaning.
I have no carreer. i have 2 dead end jobs.
the only thing that keeps me going are my kids... and they dont even realize it.

BethLee BethLee
31-35, F
Dec 7, 2012