Longing

     I have had absolutely no luck dating at all. Most of the girls I have dated have been unfaithful. The last one I was in was for 3 years. I have tried at times to just date around and be honest up front saying that we will both date other people too. This works out ok because atleast I know for sure and the honesty is there. I am currently in a sort of "friend" situation now and find myself feeling those pains when she is with others. She's also loosing interest in me probably because its lasted so long about 7 months. I have no clue what to do at this point heh.

     Ontop of all of this, I have no "game" what so ever. I am a fairly honest and straight forward person and I think I'm fairly attractive. Unfortunately this isn't enough. I'm very shy and withdrawn. It's easy to say that you should just get out there and talk to people. Be more forward. Don't be afraid of rejection. Theres plenty more people out there who may not reject you. But for a shy person these things are not easily accomplished. I have forced myself to become more open but its necessary to keep certain walls up to keep from being hurt.

Xeno Xeno
26-30, M
5 Responses Jun 29, 2007

NO NEED TO PUT WALL JUST NOT TO BE HURT. PRETENTIONS ALSO IS UNWELCOME. YOU ARE JUST DATING THE WRONG WOMAN! YOU WILL FIND HER, I KNOW JUST BE PATIENT!

I have a few OFF BEAT suggestions that may help you in the dating game. One is start seeing a hypnotherapist who can program you with positive suggestions and get you to approach more women on a daily basis. Two read the power of postive thinking by Norman Vincent Peale or Psychocybernetics ( I forget the author) you can google the title and its a great book for helping shy people change..you will see once you read the latter book. you can get it on amazon super cheap!! Another suggestion get a job where you have to meet many people like in a bookstore (could be a part time job)..get a Vedic astrology reading and ask for remedies in the dating women dept. trust me there are remedies for lots of stuff. I hope some of these commensense and MAYBe not so common suggestions will help you.

If you open up maybe someday the right person will come along. And don't worry because you have plenty of time and don't want to rush into anything.

I think flirtswithdisaster comment was genius.<br />
And there is no need to be shy. In the dating world you have to be very friendly. And all this stuff about honesty is starting to turn me on. And there's no need to think you are attractive when you d a m n well know you are.

Don't put the walls up outside. Put them up inside. Being shy defends you from personal attachment and contact, but it also prevents you from enjoying much human contact at all. On the other hand, if you drop the social wall, and just keep the one up around your heart, you'll be much more confident and assertive, and you'll find that you have less to lose getting into relationships. Eventually you can drop the wall, for the right person. Or, you can choose not to ever drop it, and enjoy many different people. Either way, though, you won't be in as much risk of getting hurt.