Lonely Midnight Ramblings

I do get up.
I do survive the day.
But then it gets dark outside...
Every single night I cant sleep because of the pain of being alone. Did you know that your brain processes the emotional pain of heartache/being alone as PHYSICAL pain, not emotional pain? Mine is very bad. It usually starts 2 to 3 hours before I go to bed every night, then I lay there awake, unable to sleep because of how sad I am from the loneliness and how bad it hurts, for a few more hours. I always wake up exhausted and sometimes even depressed, but always with absolutely no motivation to take care of the cats or plants or job or child or family or own body depending on me. Waking up lonely and depressed is the worst feeling in the world. It makes going back to sleep seem like escaping to heaven in the clouds. Either to that amazing dream, or the horrible nightmare I had, either one seems better than being awake and going through life struggling all day long. I haven't gotten a good night's sleep since middle school, which was around 9 years ago. I often times think about losing my virginity and being a ***** just so I'm not alone. I know that that is stupid, and sex isn't love, but when having NOTHING hurts this bad, a warm body in bed is SOMETHING, which is better than nothing ): Good luck my fellow EP goers who are tortured by lack of motivation.
instantquack instantquack
18-21, F
Jan 24, 2013