Even Nice Ppl Have Their Limits...

"Even nice ppl have their limits1"

Well... I have had mine... Pushed far and beyond... My limits of loving him have made me so bitter not only with myself but towards him now and he gave me no choice in the matter but to bring it this far...

I don't know if we will ever work this out... All i know is I no longer will allow myself the choice to be his door mat. It's common sense that if u want something really bad then u gotta work hard to have it and keep it... The thing we as humans need to understand and come to terms with also is the realisation that sometimes things really r what they seem... We try and live with the hopeful notion that it really isnt always what it seems, but "IF IT LOOKS LIKE A DUCK, QUACKS LIKE A DUCK THEN IT PROBABLY IS A COW.." jokes!! I was just making sure u were getting the drift of what I'm saying, no "IT PROBABLY IS WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE AND SOUNDS LIKE... A DUCK!"

I used to be apologetic and feel guilty about being honest cos the truth does tend to hurt.. But when that truth is constantly staying the truth... Sometimes u jus gotta call it quits and face up to the music, that maybe you're just plain right.. I don't like being right, ppl tend to think and accuse us of being a "know it all" or over thinking a situation, but come on... if its been goin on for a while and nothing has changed and it's still affecting u the same way it effected you from the get go, then probably you've been thinking too much about their take on things and not valuing ur own beliefs and rights.

It's one thing to be thoughtful of other's but its another thing to be honest with yourself... Im the type to always try and think through what ive said and done and im quick to try make it right when i know ive done wrong... I know I'm a good person, even when i'm right bout someone being wrong i try and sugar coat the reality of things to offer a less painful blow to their ego and if the blow is too hard... I tend to cripple myself and them by giving in... Ok ok ok i can sometimes be a push-over... :( Anyways getting off the subject...

My partner and I have been in a long distance relationship for about over 2 yrs now me travelling over to see him and then helping him out to come over and see me and the family, and recently I told him I have had enough of playing the nice-push-over gf... He's constantly in a lot of bad situations, which is why I try to be as understanding as much as possible... But there are a lot of times where my understanding just takes a dive with him and im left frustrated and constantly disappointed... For eg. His recent limitation in finding the time to call me... He tries to put the blame on me saying i nag too much, but i fixed that by rarely bothering him and i still have yet to actually talk to him in the past few weeks, which brings me back to the whole point that "IF U WANT SOMETHING REALLY BAD, THEN U GOTTA WORK HARD TO HAVE IT AND KEEP IT!" If he really wanted a relationship with me knowing its a long distance relationship in the mean time, then he's gotta put the time and effort in. What frustrates me is that he puts so much time and effort for his friends and the only time i really hear from him (which is only through emails now), is when he wants or needs something... He claims he doesn't do that or at least not intentionally, but from what i've seen and experienced so far... It is...

I have just come to the point where I know he's used to getting the easy way with me cause I overly and stupidly care and worry about him... But I can't afford it emotionally and financially anymore... I had no other choice to be cruel, when he hit me up this time cause he's goin through a hard time and needed advice (and im quite sure financial support) from me but i lost all sense of care and understanding and told him basically to get his act together and not expect anything from me after everything i've done for him I give up. But i said it in a little bit nicer way though he took it as harsh. I told him he expects so much when he gives so little and it's not right. Usually i'd be apologising by now, but tonight... I put my foot down to no longer disrespect myself in letting him have his way and making me out as the bad guy when he rarely cares for me when im in need of help.. He has yet to do anything for me, and I dont ask for much... All i've really asked for lately was time and attention. But that seemed too much for him to do... So right now I feel i have no other choice but to be front and stick with my guns and not back down anymore or else i will constantly be submitted to the hurt and pain that comes with loving him the way I have so far.

Ive come to terms with knowing I may lose him, but really, it feels like i never had him to begin with, so really what is there to lose in the end... He hasnt given me much to miss so far. The memories which have long gone, just doesnt account to the pain and heartache and loss of pride and dignity I've had to go through for his sake... I dnt claim to be a saint... I kno I hav hurt him in the past and im not the greatest partner... But i try... I miss him and love him and I hav done my best to show him... He knows I have but yet he still takes my tears for granted and still sees no wrong in the distance he has put between us emotionally. Yes I know he's a guy, but he's also a guy that claims to want to have a relationship with me, but he does not put in what he needs to put in to keep this relationship... He makes so many promises that have been broken or have yet to come to full term after a year and his word is never trustworthy inregards to saying constantly he'll call soon and never does...

His understanding of me is zilch as he thinks i overreact, am too clingy and im difficult... No. 1 i only ever get mad when he breaks his word to me these days which has been a constant thing now everytime he emails, but most times i try and hold it in and try not to say much as to not cause an argument. No.2 how clingy can i really be when we're miles and miles apart and all i get these days is a email a day. No.3 begging to be treated like someone who is wanted and loved by actualy calling at least for an hour a week and keeping ur word from the one who claims to love and miss u (ur soon-to-be-husband),.is not difficult task or expectation, and if ur stuck and cant keep ur word at least have the decency to explain and and msg instead of making me wait for over 10hrs or more...

What i cant understand most of all, is how he can say he misses me and not feel the need to want to hear from me... I kno thats how I feel when i'm missing someone... How can u say u love someone and then forget about them... His word.... His actions hav given me no choice now but to be honst with myself and face the music that mayb, im better off without... I love him... But in loving him I must also love myself or else how will I ever know and believe he loves me too...

~LadySoulist _ox

LadySoulist LadySoulist
22-25, F
1 Response Nov 27, 2012

True... you shouldn't give all your love to someone else... always leave some for yourself. :)