P#ssed At Cancer

I'm only 40 years and both of my parents are gone. My dad died in 1999 from congestive heart failure. My mom died yesterday. The thing that upsets me is that the cancer was probably caused by a drug that was supposed to improve her quality of life. That drug is called Enbrel (sp). My mom was involved with the clinical trials years ago and has been using it for ever since. In doing research I discovered that Lymphatic Cancer and Lung cancer are "possible side effects" of this drug. My mom's cancer started out as Lymphatic cancer.
I have read other stories on here and they are truly heart rending. But, if I took any comfort in that fact; wouldn't it make me a sadist?

People have said; "she's in a better place, she's at peace, she doesn't hurt any more, blah blah frickin blah!!!
Does that make anybody feel better? Or; do people just say that because they're too ignorant to figure out that offering their sympathies is enough?
Sorry, went off on a rant.

I miss my parents. I'm too young to have both of my parents dead. I take no comfort in thinking that they are in a better place. Am I being selfish? I have friends who are their age. They aren't my parents. I want my parents back.
I have a wife whom I cherish and 4 awesome kids. I am so thankful to have them in my life. They can't take the place of my parents. How does one cope? When will I get used to being an orphan? When will I stop thinking; "I'll ask dad what he thinks?"

hougofamily hougofamily
36-40, M
1 Response Jul 29, 2011

My father died when I was 5 and my mother when I was 19. I have no brothers and sisters. I'm 41 yrs old and am still single and whilst I have had girlfriends along the way, the pain of having no parents has undoudbtedly led to relationship breakdowns. Its tough and somehow I solider on, hoping that some day I can get over this situation. I understand your loss completely. 22 years since losing my mother, I still feel empty inside and feel that something is missing and wish I knew how to fill that void.