I'm Down For The Swirl!

Thank you

Wally101, I see you're in the UK. Is your wife from Arica or the Carib or British born? Just curious. Those differences often make a difference. Like for me, I'd like to meet a nice American Oreo--do you know what that means? I've nothing against black men in general, as long as they act polite, courteous, etc, towards me and others. Unfortunately, with the absentee father syndrome so common in the Afro Amer community , and its counterpart in the African and in the Afro Carib community, too many black men grow up without good role models, which is not there fault. White boys are just "lucky" I guess, because there are more good role models in the European / American society. And the boys can't take credit for that. It goes back in history. But I think this is why there is such hostility to the inter-racial issue. Sorry, I'm rambling here. There is so much more to say, so this is just one of my off-the-top-of-my-head comments. You know what I mean.

Sutvarmi,

I know what you mean, I think. My wife is from Africa, not British born. I guess you're right about the absentee father thing - the trouble with this sort of thing is that it continues down the generations and it is difficult for the cycle to be broken. In this country, I see basically two types of African black men - high-acheiving and well-educated men in professional roles, often outperforming similarly-educated white men in the workplace, and who lead exemplary family lives. At the other end are under-acheivers who have left school with little or no qualifications who leave behind them a string of pregnant women. These are the ones likely to make adverse comments about black women married to white men, but then they seem to be disrespectful to women generally. The reasons for this latter group I can't pretend to understand, but I am sure absentee fathers and peer pressures at school must have a lot to do with it. It seems to me that there is a huge pool of wasted talent here; some of these guys are obviously quite intelligent.

I see the same thing amongst white men in this country, of course, but the black men seem to more often fall at the extremes of this spectrum.

It is in Africa though that we see the most adverse comment, When we've been to Africa black men will often make an offensive remark to a black woman with a white man. I've seen this more in the city (Lagos) than in the country, and I wonder if there is a tribalist thing to it as well, as it often seems to be the Yoroba men that will say something like this to my Igbo wife.

I am Igbo too and I'm glad you mentioned you notice this only in Lagos. You may agree with me that Africa does not have issues of absentee fathers in large proportion like the Afro american or Afro Caribbean societies, we are more family oriented people and as such few of the 'lucky' ones.
The snide remarks you over hear are primarily due to a left over colonial mentality i.e. to say that, Africans can't believe that white people can genuinely love them after thinking ill of them for so many years.

Most white people that come to work or live in Lagos have a superiority complex and see the Africans as beneath them, therefore, they tend to exploit the women. That is the reason such liaisons are frowned upon. That also does not mean that in some cases, the white men/ women don't look beyond the skin colour to fall truly in love with the pearl beneath the skin colour.

I am not making excuses or holding fort for any group, I am just trying to make you, wally 101, understand the reason behind the adverse comments and reactions you hear or experience while in the city. I am however, happy that you and your wife have true love and are happy.

Interesting to hear your point of view on this as an Igbo, and I think it goes some way to explaining the attitude we've seen there in Lagos. I've not noticed it so much in Port Harcourt, although i have not spent so much time there. In the nearest large place (Umuahia) I have not noticed any problem at all, but then, you hardly ever see white people there.

My point exactly! The people in the cities have seen what I described above and have had their views tainted by those experiences while the people in the hinterlands have not and as such are more accepting.

And in the village I find a lot of curiousity. People stare, especially children, and even I get people driving past slowing and calling out when the see me. I don't mind, it's harmless; there's no maliciousness to it, it's just a natural curiousity especially I think amongst children and even some of the less-travelled adults who have probably never seen a white man before.