Most Americans Still Can't Handle Interracial Couples

I'm Multinese, a phrase I coined to indicate mixed race. Here's how I see things.

The view that people "feel more comfortable with their own race" is exactly the attitude the white-ruled apartheid government had in South Africa in the 60's. 

I've lived in 10 countries and travelled to over 100 others and I can tell you this: America is one of the most bigoted countries in the world. 

The new-agey doe-eyed types in America who claim, 'We are all just humans' have their heads stuck in the sand. These are people who probably have never lived in another country and therefore are not in a position to compare the US with anywhere else. These people are just regurgitating the crap they are fed by the media: "We are the melting pot of the world" Puh-leeze!

Americans who have lived overseas don't have blinders on their eyes like this.
As mstammi said, in Europe, no one looks cross-eyed at mixed race couples and neither do they in most of Asia, South America and other areas. 

I got such s*** for being mixed when I was growing up in LA, which is supposed to be in so open-minded. I got hateful looks no matter what race of guy I was dating. I was treated like a traitor to the black culture. I am only a quarter black, yet I was bullied by blacks for not being black enough, for not having a black identity. At that time wearing an Afro and talking with a black accent was compulsory if you had any black pride. Now it looks like that has been supplanted by the gangsta culture.

I was treated like such an alien in my own country, I decided I may as well leave and be a real foreigner in another country.

What I see on on American TV seems to indicate things haven't changed much since I left. Mixed couples , if no longer outrightly viewed as taboo on TV and in movies, are still a rarity and considered out-of-the-norm. 

Some of the stories I see here on EP certainly support that view, for example Dubiousone's story in "I Have No Problem with Interracial Relationships" entitled "People Stared At Us".

I'm in an interracial marriage. I haven't lived in the US for over 30 years and from what I can see from over here, it sure isn't time to move back yet.
At least there's some hope with Obama though. 

buffalotus buffalotus 51-55, F 85 Responses Mar 21, 2009

Your Response


Lol. I don't know where you live currently, but I see mixed race couples all the time and no one says or looks at them weird.

Slavery hasn't ended all that long ago and the Civil Rights movement either so it stands to reason that there are still some racial tensions to be dealt with. One thing that you WON'T see plenty of---as compared to other countries in Europe, for example--is blatant racism towards someone.

We ARE the melting pot. What that specifically means is that we have plenty of diverse cultures and races who live harmoniously together (where I live it's like that). Of course, it's not EVERYWHERE in America but doing to most of America being open-minded (imo), it's close.

I am a mixed-race Jamaican girl (Besides African ancestry, I have Chinese, Jewish Polish, English, Scottish, etc) and I am extremely accepting of various cultures. I think being mixed has allowed me to be interested in where other people come from and their customs. I am a COMPLETE supporter of interracial dating. In my opinion, the only race there is is the human race! Why are people so ignorant? Who cares who others date? I hate the stares that interracial couples face when out in public. I hate how people assume they're having an affair or ask why they married outside of their race. People can be so ignorant and quick to ruin other people's happiness. To all interracial couples out there, don't let the haters get to you!

I live in one of the top 5 most racially diverse cities in the country, and I still get stared at. And I'm tired of living here for other reasons, and it's like, where am I to go? If I move to one of my neighboring states, they have almost no biracial people. My husband thinks that it's okay to be one of the first in the area, but I'm not okay with being looked at like a freak for being in a interracial marriage, and what if we have kids? what will the other kids do to them?

It's sad people are like this here, but it's true. I've never dated another white person, so I'm used to those ' looks' to me, skins a wrapping paper, and really, are people going to complain if they get a birthday gift wrapped in another kind of paper? *rolls eyes*

Yah i am mixed ( half white and mexican). My mom is engaged to a black guy ( she is mexican) and whenever we all go out people stare at them. It ****** me off ( i have anger problems xD) so i tell them to turn the **** around. I agree it is a big problem. That is why i wanna move somewhere else I hate America!!!

I have no understanding of the race issue at all. Although there are cultural differences that can crop-up, I'm far more interested in whether or not someone has values common to mine than what colour they are. They could be the same colour as me and I can't get on with them much because we're just too different in how we think and go about things, or the opposite could be true.

Thank you for your comment, Justmeonline.

You are correct. It is time that this country grows up and get out of its ignorance. Being racist doesn't make you look cool, it makes you look stupid.

Cheers. Thank you for your comment, Mcneill40.

I'm a white guy married to a black women and I don't think people hate me because I married a black women. I get more the sense that people are amused by the site of us, the story of us. More often then not we are accepted, we get smiles and sometimes pats on the back, like they are saying wait to go, stick to you guns and don't let society tell you that you are wrong. I live near Detroit which is highly segregated but I don't feel out of place when I'm with my wife in Detroit. We did move to an area that is more affluent and more diverse just because we aren't interested in being the poster child for interracial relationships, feeling that our community would be better suited for us. Long story short, we know people can be ******** and hate us for our happiness but the majority of folks we come across have been easy with us and very accepting.

Congratulations on your happy marriage. Wishing you a long and lovely life together. You can set a beautiful example for others.

Sure some american interracial couples can be seen in South America as never before, nice to see that end of discrimanation just because of skin color

Hi, Capcook. Yes, that is nice. Thanks for sharing that with us.


I know exactly what you are saying. I didn't realize how much black people are dumped on in the US until I moved to Asia. You have racists here too, but the cops don't pull me over and accuse me of stealing my own car. Shop owners don't say buy something or get out, they're generally helpful and want your business. While they keep to their own, they leave me in peace for the most part.

I dated a two white boys a long time ago. I will never date one from the US again. It's not because their not attractive, or fun, or great guys. It's because most men in the US are not real men these days. If their friend or family says, what are you doing with that n----, they'll dump you. I'm don't deserve this. BTW, many people need to learn that family and friends who will disown you because of who you date or marry, don't really LOVE you anyway. You're probably better off without them.

That said, I've seen alot of Russian-Nigerian marriages where I live. The Russian women who marry Nigerians often are ignored, mistreated or even shunned by the Nigerian women. There's morons everywhere.

As for the earlier comment about the Asian lady in Germany, well, that's probably true. I have German relatives and have visited. Yes, sadly, in some parts of Germany they do act like that. That's all I'll say on that topic. Asian immigrants are largely more accepted in the US and held up as some sort of model immigrant.

Personally, I'm not exactly fighting to return home, but I won't permanently immigrate from the US.

Another thought about people who oppress those in interracial relationships, if you are happy with your relationship, why do you care who someone else is dating? Are you jealous? Insecure? Mad that the interracial couple's kids are better looking? Mind your business.

Mrs. Right, can you tell us why you feel American men are no longer real men? What happened to them and when?

Touched a raw nerve?
One of the traits of a real man, IMO, is to be able to make his own decisions and stick to it, especially if it comes to relationships, following dreams or standing up for what's right. From my obeservation, most men, NOT ALL, cave to social pressure over even the most minor things. Not really an admirable trait there. There's nothing wrong with consulting others, but come to your own decisions, not your momma's or your roomate's. Too many weak minded males of all ethnicities in America. That's not the only thing. I know the economy is presently pitiful in America, but even before I left, there were many "kiddults"... not in college or job training, but over 25. They're working and making good wages. Yet they still live with their parents. Not because they're priced out of the rental market, saving up for a move, or they're critically's coz they can. Instead of paying rent or mortgage elsewhere, they buy the latest gadgets and go on expensive ski trips. Kiddults. Not real men. I'm not taking about someone who was laid off or has cancer or is trying to launch a new career or business. Sorry to hit a nerve, but I try to raise my son not to be the garden variety Sheeple kidult. Don't even get me started about the comittment phobes (marry or get into a stable LTR after years of ...whatever they call ultra casual dating these days.) Yeah. Sorry if it offends...not really. Sticking to my feelings about avoiding men with undesirable character traits helped me to find A GOOD, REAL, MAN. He's American. All my friends see he's rare and know that I'm lucky to have found him. He's sadly the exception and not the rule. BTW, I'm under 50, so I can't say when there was an uptick of sheeple, committment phobe, timid kiddult males, I just refuse to raise one.

The very fact that we're still dealing with issues, such as this, makes me sad. It seems no matter how much we evolve, theres a part of us that seems to want to go backwards. Mainly because we're so use to people who look, talk, & think like we do. A lot of people just don't get out & travel anymore. Here in America, the only thing that truly unites us, are the states we live in. Certain segments of the population just don't wish to interact with one another. And it's based on what was passed down to them from previous generations.

Thankfully, I come from a generation in this country that could care less about what anyone looks like, what color their skin is & who they have sex with behind closed doors. Thankfully, i've met lot's of pepople on this site, both here in America & around the world, who are open minded :-)You're right, theres some hope with Obama. But he's just the beginning. He just one person. It's up to all of us to help bring hope & change to a world that so desperately needs it!

this is SOOOO TRUE! i was explaining this to my boyfriend the other day..

he was all "yeah I Think they're just staring because you're a beautiful girl and want to know what you're doing with a regular guy like me..."

but they're staring because they have rarely seen a relationship like ours..

sometimes though I'm like that's all insecurity.. and Americans tend to have the biggest insecurities with themselves I've ever seen. Always thinking something someone else is doing has any mark, meaning reflection impact on THEM.

americans need to stop thinking everything everyone ever does is about THEM. on a personal level too.

What do you mean by 'Asians'? Americans often use the term for Orientals while in Europe it means the peoples between (roughly) Iraq and China, especially Pakistan, India and Bangladesh. Old racism against them is resurfacing disguised as fear of a 'Moslem threat'. A lot of it repeats exactly the same kind of stereotypes that once used to be made about Jews.

It's notable that the the ex-Communist East is crawling with neo-Nazi racism. Whether that's because they never had immigrants or sticking to Fascistic ideas was a way of bucking Communist ideology, or the ideology became perverted to more Fascistic that 'we' lead the world, so the rest of the world is backward, I do not know. I do know that the nearest thing to time travel to the USA 50 years ago lands East of the old Iron Curtain.

Where there is a huge difference is that (west) European racism has a large cultural and ex-colonial component (or excuse) - 'they' are immigrants from places where people believe in witchcraft and talk to the spirits. Black Americans are as American as white Americans. Most of them have family trees there far older than a lot of white Americans, particularly Jews. Therefore any feeling of difference is purely racial without the cultural excuse.

Their culture also makes Americans more outspoken, so their racists are going to say they are racists and belief in Free Speech is likely to support their freedom to say it regardless of what it thinks about what is being said. European racists, by a more protective understanding of 'freedom' as freedom from being offended by the opinion of others, are less likely to voice their feelings as directly. They could be (and are) prosecuted for doing so, since freedom of the individual from assault, verbal or otherwise, outweighs freedom of speech.

I do find it interesting that discounting men attached to mail-order 'submissive Oriental' wives, it is much more white women who go for African than white men for black women. I must make that distinction that here, 'blacks' are mostly from 'Francophone' West Africa, not the Caribbean or USA and their culture differs as much as a Tuscan peasant farmer from any 'Little Italy' - in fact they mostly hate each other across the Atlantic.

That is quite possibly because West African women often resemble 'Jewish Princesses' and would never concede to the equality (or from more traditional men domesticity) that men expect. Likewise, African men will treat women with a flattering old-world courtesy and near reverence where 'whites' expect a more equal partner to pull her weight, or a Mummy to look after them. It is only when it is too late, that women often find that the apparant reverence can come at a massive cost of he is Da Man.

Thanks for the eye-opening observations. West African women resemble "Jewish princesses"? That is hilarious. Of the friends I have who are West African, I would have to agree.
I would like to throw an opinion in here that I have heard from not only American men but guys from of a number of cultures: American women are bossy, opinionated and loud. That's why men go for more compliant Asian women. Is it true, gentlemen?

in the USA if you say Oriental, you better be talking about a rug. It is politically incorrect, so we use the terms "(east-)Asians" and "Middle eastern". Politically correct talk is pretty exhausting, if you ask me, but I know not to use the word "Oriental" starting at a young age.

Sorry but the US hasn't cornered the market of treating foreigners badly.

Though I can understand why self-loathing Americans would like to claim that.

In Japan, foreigners are literally treated like second class citizens. And I'm not talking about the occasional, dirt bag. It's a systemic problem. Foreigners have a much harder time getting loans, renting apartments, finding jobs and even getting good medical care.

Also, Asians are treated with a fair amount of contempt in most European countries. There is still a lot of accepted racism in Europe. At least in America, most people regard racism as something to be ashamed of.

A lot of people posting here who claim to have "lived" or "travelled" to many countries and claim that America is the worst probably haven't lived in those countries for more than a year at a time. You won't notice racism on the surface of most industrialized countries. You have to actually try to live there to see what it's like. The more you live somewhere, the more you will see the warts. And if the place you've lived the longest is the US, then of course you are going to experience more problems there than when you spent a summer in Europe or whatever.

So, desu ne? (That's true isn't it) but at least in Japan, gaijin (foreigners) are just gaijin. They don't care what your background is. If you are not Nihonjin (Japanese), you are gaijin. End of story. There is something so endearingly equalizing about that. I agree with everything you said, but still, they are so unabashedly xenophobic, it's kind of honest and sweet. We are also treated like rock stars too, you have to admit. If a local gets a gaijin boyfriend or girlfriend and they are instantly "kakoii" (cool).

Size is a factor. There is no real 'European' or 'American', only a jigsaw of very different regions. Bill Bryson tells an interesting tale that although he grew up in Chicago considering it more 'mixed' than the Southern states, he was surprised to find when he went down there that individuals had to mix with each other far more even with relics of the old segregation, while the 'mixed' Chicago of his childhood was a mass of little ghettoes with invisible walls that nobody ever crossed. Even a single city may have its ghettoes including ones where tolerant mixing is the norm. Usually those equate to 'upper-working' and 'middle' classes and central areas because these are where usefulness and skill matter, so employees of similar income are more mixed.

All Americans are ultimately immigrants and immigrants naturally stick together with what they find common and familiar. Europe has historically so many more divisions and conflicts that they don't resolve into simple racism. Some maintain them, some have forgotten them.

Looking at a Youtube documentary on Attila the Hun earlier, there's real hate argument between those proud to claim ethnic descendent from this great uniter of European and Asian peoples, those telling them their ancestors never even saw the Huns and those who think Attila the Devil incarnate. That's 1500 years ago for God's sake!

So it might be truer that you will find whatever you are looking for on either continent - depending where you look for it.

Thanks, Valerey, for the observations.

South Europeans are not 'white'!? When did this happen? In the Third Reich maybe that had some doubts about its southern allies?

It just shows what a nonsense 'racism' is. You can call anybody a 'race' and make a fiction about it. There's even the 'Anglo-Saxon' race - doesn't Anglo + Saxon just kind of teeny suggest these are two entrirely different peoples?

Cheers, Valerey.

Valerey, Hispanic refers to those from Latin America or are of Latin American decent. There is, was, and will continue to be mixing between those of predominately native ancestry and those of European and African ancestry. Most people of Latin American decent living in the United States, light skinned or otherwise, do not want to be thought of as being white. So to answer the last paragraph of your post, it is by their own choice that this label is used and out of respect for their wishes that it is used by others.

I for one do not want to be referred to as being Irish, Scottish, or German. My identity and those of my ancestors are far different, I claim no allegiance to nor share any identity with any of the 3 European countries that I mentioned. I prefer to be referred to as American, but not everyone feels this way

I think it says everything about the USA that **** sites list 'inter-racial' as a fetish alongside **********. Nothing wrong with slavery - there's not a culture in the world that hasn't had it and 'work or starve' comes to much the same thing in the end. In colonial times there were balck ex-slave slave-owners. What is wrong is the slavery getting justified with a weird social Darwinism (by people who mostly claim not to even believe in evolution yet!) and for more than 100 years after abolition still finding excuses for ethnic discrimination.

Americans still mostly don't understand. They delight in picking on European news items about far right and anti-Moslem prejudice but they don't see that most of it is driven because these people are immigrants from exotic cultures that often were traditionally considered backward imperial subjects within living memory.

Few of them have been living in Europe for more than 50 years so to older people especially, they can still seem exotic, strange-looking people with stranger habits - and in the last five years, very similar prejudice has attached itself to Poles and Romanians. They haven't been here often generations longer than the white people prejudiced against them like in the USA! I'll bet most black Americans can follow American ancestry back far further than Jews with Slavic or German names and probably have far less 'foreign' culture.

Then there's the 'Hispanics'. When did Spanish become a 'race'? Excuse me but just which Europeans settled, ran and named in their own language California, Arizona, Tejas, Colorado, New Mejico, Florida (and probably a few more I can't think of)?

Valerey, Here, here! You are so right. Thank you for sharing.

I read a lot of USA bashing comments on this one. I think that they stem from Freudian projection, and that the rest of the world is jealous of us.

Yes I do have national pride, even with the jackass of a president that we currently have. Jackass??? Did I just call a person of another race a negative name? I guess that means that I am racist

I would like to give a big "**** off" and "those who live in glass houses should not throw stones" to all of those who have made the same old tired stereotypical comments about Americans. How are you guys any more tolerant, any less unfairly judgmental while you are labeling people with the same old media perpetuated stereotypes? Isn't this what we have been accused of in these comments? So I guess that the Brits are all a bunch of arrogant, smug, smart-assed. rude people with ugly women and poor dental hygiene. The French have sex in public in front of children on park benches, do not shower or shave their legs but pour on the perfume. I van sling some media perpetuated stereotypes myself here, but I will refrain from doing so and leave this one. I have stated my piece,

How sad. You need to bring yourself up to date on 21st century psychology. It is obvious you have never been to either the UK or France. Your piece has no credibility. You are precisely the kind of person who makes Americans look ignorant.

Its funny that you marginalized the US specifically here, since I agree wholeheartedly. Its also a little disconcerting for me in particular...

What does a person do who isn't attracted to anyone of their own race, and receives a lot of flak for only being honest about it?

Other places may be racist but not anywhere I have lived in the past 40 years of living overseas. I was born and raised in the US and have watched it getting more racist instead of left since I left it in the 1970s. I thought it would really approve after the Equal Rights Amendment of 1964. It did for a while did for a while but racism has crept back in more insidious forms.

Definitely... i have been born in a multinational family, German, Jewish and born in Chile.... Hard to say what could be my race, so i prefer to say: heck! It is that behind the colour or race what i really care about !!!

Besides i have traveled around the world for tha last 20 years, and i love interracial love !!! In the mix lays the taste!!!

Thanks for puttin it here so accurately, Buffalotus !!!! I agree with you...

thanks Holliwood we all know very much about the US, but they do not know much about us out here!!! thats sucks here in France about the US: sorry!

Hi RobicusLocus, Thanks for your uplifting comment. I love "the mix lays in the taste." I'm going to quote you on that!

and for clarification, Europe has a much, much lower percentage of non-whites, but they complain when a Turk (or any Muslim and/or Black) moves into a flat in their buildings (often causing them to move). The way to spot a building full of Turks (& other immigrants), are the amount of satellite dishes on the outsides of their flats in a building.

So, the Americans can, as always, keep kidding themselves, but in reality, Americans are likely more tolerant, as we (Europeans) are not as 'exposed' to as much mixing. But, while most will not stare at a mixed-couple, they WILL be laughed at/talked about later. Nobody wants them here.

And, all this complaining when America has MIXED President, chosen by a huge majority? That will not be happening anywhere here anytime soon. And, this is why we consider Americans so bloody stupid. Look at the hypocrisy.

Yes, it's hard to believe the racism that has been aimed at the president. Unfortunately, mixies get hit from both sides with it. In Obama's case, he has been accused of not being black enough by some blacks because he doesn't speak with a black accent . By whites, he's not directly criticized for being black but they disguise their racism by accusing him of being Muslim. The poor guy can't win with some people. It's embarrassing how badly a good portion of Americans treat their own first mixed president. It makes us look really ignorant in the eyes of the world.

I am 100% German - born and raised. Well-educated, speak and write 5 languages. Have lived in many countries for my profession. Racism is EVERYwhere. In Germany, at least the part in which I live (Berlin), the most hated group currently are the Turks, who the Germans brought in to rebuild after the war. Mixed Children (German/Turk) are not really spoken about, many times the child lives with the German parent. Racism against others, however, runs rampant (albeit underground). I notice most people posting how Europe and Europeans are a bastion of tolerance, are Americans who have visited only one or two countries here on holiday. To make assumptions based on your visits are absurd. You think children don't pull their eyes back and mock the Chinese? You think the 'N' word isn't used over dinner conversation? (Granted, i do not believe it carries the same connotation here).

People here are concerned about the diminishing 'white race'. The Turks and Muslims from other lands are 'browning down' (term used by our media) the entirety of Europe.

I have no problems with Black people, but it's my opinion, and many others I know, who believe that the races should NOT procreate together. We mean the Blacks and Muslims.

I am 100% German - born and raised. Well-educated, speak and write 5 languages. Have lived in many countries for my profession. Racism is EVERYwhere. In Germany, at least the part in which I live (Berlin), the most hated group currently are the Turks, who the Germans brought in to rebuild after the war. Mixed Children (German/Turk) are not really spoken about, many times the child lives with the German parent. Racism against others, however, runs rampant (albeit underground). I notice most people posting how Europe and Europeans are a bastion of tolerance, are Americans who have visited only one or two countries here on holiday. To make assumptions based on your visits are absurd. You think children don't pull their eyes back and mock the Chinese? You think the 'N' word isn't used over dinner conversation? (Granted, i do not believe it carries the same connotation here).

People here are concerned about the diminishing 'white race'. The Turks and Muslims from other lands are 'browning down' (term used by our media) the entirety of Europe.

I have no problems with Black people, but it's my opinion, and many others I know, who believe that the races should NOT procreate together. We mean the Blacks and Muslims.

Hellopity, Thank you for your observations. Where else have you lived?

My friend is from Australia and her and her boyfriend are a interracial couple and she said that when she came over here to see me it was a shocker to her the way the people's stares made her feel, i didnt fully get it having never lived anywhere but in the USA but she took a video and showed me her daily life in melborne and good lord, i want to live there, i dont understand this... suposly the US is the land of the free, then why is people so uptight about this, me personaly i love seeing interaccial couples it does make me smile, i have no idea why but ive been like that since i was a kid...

Hi Caligurl, Thank you for your heartwarming comment.

I live outside the US. I travel 150K miles/year. I've been to the US many times and most European countries. Is there racism in the US? Yes. Is it better in Europe? Absolutely not. Europeans are incredibly backwards and sheltered when it comes to race. Here is something you need to understand- non-whites make up a small % in Europe- even in the UK, non-whites make up less than 5% of the population (yes, UK includes more than London). Whats humorous is that as the non-white percentage notches up modestly in Europe- btw nowhere close to the US' 30%+ non-white rate- in places like Italy and Denmark- you see outrage from Italy's PM that Italian towns look like Africa and in Denmark, you have whites leaving the country in droves to escape the "dastardly" Muslims (who by the way make up a tiny portion of the population). European countries divided up the continent by ethnic lines; they are largely white, and whatever statistically small non-white minorities they do have (yes, dissuade yourself from the myth that individual European countries are diverse), they are bellyaching in a serious way. I could go into anecdotes that demonstrate racism in Europe and the US, but in comparing the two, US is further along and far more mature in how it handles racial matters. Europe is taking baby steps. Europe will not have an Obama in the next 30 years.

Thank you, Jagrmeister. You make astute observations most people wouldn't know except by direct experience. Europe used to be more tolerant than the US back in the 1960s and 1970s, then seemed to back-pedal when fresh immigration waves hit from Africa and the Mideast.
I hope Obama gets another 4 years to continue his positive influence and I hope a similar leader surfaces somewhere in the EU.

Its not americans that cant tolerate interacial couples its racists, and yes they are every where, there might be a more concentrated amount here in the states but Im so sick of the ignorant remarks spewed about "americans" as if we can all be slumpped into one category. If you dont want to be generalized than dont do it to other people. o and isn't real!!!!! please dont base your opinions on millions of people you dont know based on what you see on an old re run of melrose place

I would bet you have never lived anywhere else but the US so you're opinion is not creditable. I have lived in more countries than you can probably name in the last 40 years. Get some experience, read more and then get back to us.


i just now found this story about inter tribal prejudice between two south african black tribes.

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bcj, Hi! Thank you for this!


oh. i did not even notice that point. This was september '94

we had just had our first open elections. Madiba (Pres Nelson Mandela) was elected to office.

we can by property anywhere since then.

it is fine now. the story that you read is a reflection on the social residue of a bad set of statutes. she was basically blackmailed by the "attitudes" in her parents home. she made the choice not to be excommunicated by the family.


This is a real eye-opener, that even inter-tribal unions are frowned upon. It was sad to read in your story "Lost Love" that this broke up your relationship. I'm so sorry.

But the fact that you got housing in an all-white apartment is encouraging news.