I Am a Dying Breed

When I was young, my family did their best to mold me into what they thought was perfect, but I always fought it. I struggled for 17 years to be myself befroe I finally left home to pursue it. Now, I am precisely who I wanted to be all those years, but I find myself alone. I have a few friends to talk to from time to time, but it's almost like they don't take me seriously.

Now I kind of find myself wondering if I did the wrong thing. I should be happy right now, but I have lost what family I did have to get here, and I am watching my friends slowly disappear.

What kind fo person am I? Im quickwitted, loving, giving, often sarcastic but never mean to hurt anyone, I am determined, Christian, observant, and I don't really fit into a social class. I was never one to limit myself to friendships, so I floated. I don't know what I'm doing wrong that would cause me to feel like im losing everynoe, and can't build other relationships.

Please tell me I'm not alone. Even if one other person has ever felt this way, it would be enough to let me know that maybe it isnt just me.

Adyingbreed Adyingbreed
22-25, F
5 Responses Mar 25, 2008

I'm also a dying breed. I feel that I know exactly what you mean by that. <br />
I recently moved away from my very small family to attend school and to so some self discovery. <br />
I have always been a loner. I am kind of awkward with not much to say so I have one real close friend. I can never seem to really connect with anyone..<br />
I don't know whats wrong with me

I often wondered what was wrong or unacceptable in me that I had to be changed. Why wasn't I accepted for myself? My brothers were, what made me different? The truth of the matter is: they don't know you. Suppressing the true nature of a child is really cruel. No wonder I believed I was unloved. I know I am a good person, but there's still that seed of doubt, even after all these years that there's something wrong with the real me. So you can't really let anyone get too close in case they find out and reject you too. <br />
<br />
I wasn't allowed to have any friends who didn't meet my mother's approval - therefore, I had no friends. My reasoning being: that made them her friends not mine. This doesn't do much to help learn how to build and maintain friendships - which is where the problem really lays. Initial contact and making friends always goes well, its keeping friends where I have problems. Its possible this is the same problem you're facing. It's not that you don't have the desire to keep these friends, its not having the skills to know how.

Journey, that seems to be exactly how I feel. And sunyata, no I never neglected them. In fact, I tried to encourage them to be more involved, but I was going in an opposite direction. <br />
<br />
They picked my friends for me, based on the college scholar, preppy cheerleader, and whatever other dreams they had for me. But then I realised that I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, and that I didn't want popularity or any of the same thigns. And while I tried to get them to work with me, instead, they just gave up on me. And as I walked away from their dreams, I lost the few friends I had. <br />
<br />
There are a few friends who still hang around, but again, it seems like there is a gap growing between us.

You are not alone, I have found my whole life has ended with being alone. When I was young I also went off to find myself and ended up with a family that forgot who I was and friends that only used me or were not really that great to be around. Your still young so it may take time but you will eventually not be lonely

well my question is, did you desert and neglect your family and friends to go off and find yourself? i am just curious. if that is why they are cold toward you now, it would explain alot. but if you attempted to try and keep in touch with them, but find they still don't want to have too much to do with you, then you must explore other reasons. you seem like a nice person to me, and it doesn't make sense from my point of view why you can't keep friends or that they won't take you seriously. i can tell you for certain, that you're not alone in having few friends and family by your side. i am the same way. but i don't try and analyze it. i'm a loner by nature and prefer to spend time by myself. i would like to have some close friends, but it takes time to establish true and lasting friendships. i have long since given up on ever having a close family. it's pretty much just me and my kids in this big old world.