I Am Lonely

My story always seems to get sadder with age. Once I had a great wife and we did everything together. I took care of her and gave her everything she wanted. One day I realized that something was wrong with our marriage, so I did some snooping around. To my great surprise I found that she had been posting on blogs about women where were married to men who where really lesbians. Reading post after post I found that she had been living a lie with me. It was only right to let her go and find another lady with whom she could find fulfillment in love. My life just went down the toilet from there.
Here I was 10 000 miles away from home, no family no friends. living in a country that was not my own. But where else could I live. My house is here and so are all my possessions. Tried to go home to my family for a while, but I realized that, that was not my home anymore either. So I came back.
Love is so hard for me. I had my mind settled I was going to spend the rest of my life with my wife. There was no greater happiness for me than living a life growing old with a woman I love. But when the relationship failed I gave up on finding love. So now I spend my nights watching tv with my 2 dogs. She has been gone for more than a year and I still have not got the courage to ask anyone even to go out on a date with me. I feel like I live in a nightmare gone bad.
No one sees my tears. No one knows how unhappy I am. To everyone at work and church it seems like I am doing great, but there is another me that does not come out until I go home to my lonely abode. People say time heals everything. It has healed nothing for me. Pretending to be healed is a hard task but I seemed to have passed the test with flying colors because no one knows the real me.
friendlyguy101 friendlyguy101
36-40, M
2 Responses May 13, 2012

wounds won't heal by it self u should take care of it or will get worse, get ur self out of this and find someone really deserve to share u ur life :)

This is a heartbreaking story. I have never married but I can relate to finding out the one you are sharing your life with is living a lie. I can also relate to pretending that everything is great. I really am beginning to think there is a theme going on here in my own life. People never seem to believe that I am shy and when I d reach out it pretty much always turns out badly. I think this is something that I have created bc I am afarid of intimacy and am focused and motivated to change that around. We create this life! Maybe there is something we can do about this?