No One to Talk to

I have no family and no friends. Not sure how that happened due to fifteen years ago I had plenty of friends that was like family. I hate feeling alone and having no one to share my ups and downs with. I have a boyfriend that has tons of friends and family. I don't think he understands when I'm depressed about the fact of having no one to hear me. When he has a bad day he doesn't always tell me because he has friends and family to talk to instead. I think its great to have other peolple to talk to however I get very jealous because I don't have that relationship with anyone. His life seem so perfect.

My personality also make it hard for me to have friends because I am a very unique person. Well that's how the world make me feel. I am a naturally tanned person that listens to heavy metal, love baseball, love to dance, and love to ski. Most of the things I enjoy doing is strange to some people. Everytime I try to go out and have fun people are always trying to figure me out. Just because my skin is tan means I suppose to like certain things? I am who I am! Why can't people just accept me for who I am! I always feel like I don't fit in anywhere. No one wants to be my friend because I'm not black enough, white enough, latin enough, WTF! It so unfair! People are hateful. I don't understand why people are so mean. I feel like an alien most of the time. People always stare at me no matter what nationality they are.

Amazing enough I don't fit in with my family as well. They're all crazy! My mother totally forgets the fact I am alive and alone. She forgets the fact that I am the only child and have no relationship with family. My mother has no friends but she has family because she has three brothers and one sister. She lives in another state (not where I grew up) which I hate and so not me. She spends all her time helping her mother. I was isolated from family while growing up because of the differences between my mother and father.

So anyway, life is complicated and sucks! Sometimes I hate to wake up to the same crap everyday. Everyday I hate people all together because no one accepts me. I refuse to take pills for depression and who has time for a doctor I have a career to try to keep going. That's another whole story in itself. Again I'm so different to everyone. Not sure how long I'm going to make it in this world but I'm really really trying. Spend alot of time crying and hating myself. Life doesn't feel to good but you know, I will try to smile anyway.


A long sad story from a lonely person :(

loner123 loner123
4 Responses Jun 21, 2008

You sound very interesting and active. be yourself. you sound beautiful!

I also feel very lonely, but I prefer to be myself rather than being what others (doesn't matter if they're family or supposed friends) want me to be like. With all my ******* flaws and glorious characteristics, as you say, I am who I am, and it's really nice that you try to think that way. If you don't like your family then you should move on to finding your very own, hand-picked family. As difficult and ridiculous it could possibly sound, believe there are others out there who would not only accept you entirely for who you are, but would also love to have some ice-cream with you watching a sunset. People who would feel at home with you, and you with them. They exist.<br />
I'm sorry, I had a better comment but accidentally pressed backspace and it got erased. I don't count with much strength of will, and I believe it's because of my depression. I also feel like the world is **** at the end of the day, and that 99% of people are not worth it, but you gotta keep on keeping on. In the meantime, try to enjoy yourself, your good part. Be yourself, go out for a walk, go to the beach, do something that makes you feel good. Join a group where you feel welcomed and identified, for that I ask you to revise your hobbies and things you enjoy, and hopefully you'll find others like you, and make at least a friend, but A TRUE ONE, and that's worth a thousand cheap ones. You don't have to necessarily love your family. I mean, did you ask to have them?, do you remember doing that? So what if you got "the same blood", when you can go out to the world and find your very own, hand-picked relatives and friends?

were you just having a bad day or is this how you are all the time? I'm telling you- I was there..and I still feel like that some days..but then I sleep it off and the next day is better.<br />
You have a mom-regardless of what she does and doesnt do- you have family-even if they suck. uhm..and you have YOURSELF. screw everyone else and what they think of you.<br />
you gotta get yourself some goals and keep up with your activities. if u like heavy metal-blast it- you like skiing-travel by yourself to different resorts... this is your life not anyone else's. s ome people suck, but some are real cool.<br />
im not trying to tell you what to do im just saying this b/c i know-i been there and at times still am.<br />
i was raised in foster care..i have family that never helped me when my parents ditched me , friends have been phonies, i've had to work hard for every single thign in my life and hear I am 27 years old, college degree, successful business owner, engaged last month and livin my dream- **** everyone else- i'm still cutting some "friends" out of my know why? If they dont treat me the way I deserve to be treated- then its time to keep it movin'.<br />
do you and those who appreciate and love you will surround you.<br />
ps Im tan too... dominican,irish,italian.<br />
remember lots of people would kill for your natural complexion.

Sounds like this situation is understandably getting you down. I'd be surprised if *everyone* was as judgemental as you perceive them to be though. People these days are a lot more open minded, and it's easy to <i>imagine</i> that people think poorly of you even when they don't. <br />
<br />
Quite often the problem isn't the world, but the way we look at it.