No One to Talk to
I have no family and no friends. Not sure how that happened due to fifteen years ago I had plenty of friends that was like family. I hate feeling alone and having no one to share my ups and downs with. I have a boyfriend that has tons of friends and family. I don't think he understands when I'm depressed about the fact of having no one to hear me. When he has a bad day he doesn't always tell me because he has friends and family to talk to instead. I think its great to have other peolple to talk to however I get very jealous because I don't have that relationship with anyone. His life seem so perfect.
My personality also make it hard for me to have friends because I am a very unique person. Well that's how the world make me feel. I am a naturally tanned person that listens to heavy metal, love baseball, love to dance, and love to ski. Most of the things I enjoy doing is strange to some people. Everytime I try to go out and have fun people are always trying to figure me out. Just because my skin is tan means I suppose to like certain things? I am who I am! Why can't people just accept me for who I am! I always feel like I don't fit in anywhere. No one wants to be my friend because I'm not black enough, white enough, latin enough, WTF! It so unfair! People are hateful. I don't understand why people are so mean. I feel like an alien most of the time. People always stare at me no matter what nationality they are.
Amazing enough I don't fit in with my family as well. They're all crazy! My mother totally forgets the fact I am alive and alone. She forgets the fact that I am the only child and have no relationship with family. My mother has no friends but she has family because she has three brothers and one sister. She lives in another state (not where I grew up) which I hate and so not me. She spends all her time helping her mother. I was isolated from family while growing up because of the differences between my mother and father.
So anyway, life is complicated and sucks! Sometimes I hate to wake up to the same crap everyday. Everyday I hate people all together because no one accepts me. I refuse to take pills for depression and who has time for a doctor I have a career to try to keep going. That's another whole story in itself. Again I'm so different to everyone. Not sure how long I'm going to make it in this world but I'm really really trying. Spend alot of time crying and hating myself. Life doesn't feel to good but you know, I will try to smile anyway.
A long sad story from a lonely person :(