What Is Wrong With People?

You know, I removed myself from my family because I was the one always around doing all the work and helping others in the family yet I was always the bad one. Blamed for everything and people actually believe their own lies. My family was very mean to me, including being kicked out of the house, my mother and brother smashing my car with a tractor and sending it to the wreckers. Borrowing my stuff and breaking it and never replacing it, borrowing money and never repaying it. Burning my childhood memories and other important keepsakes, physical violence etc....I mean the list goes on and on so I moved away and distanced myself from everyone and really speak to no one in the family with the exception of my sister. I mean we talk but even she cannot make a decision or take a side, even though she has the facts, she always steps back and I get angry at times so I only talk to her about "unimportant" things.
Now my mother is going the opposite way, and complaining that I don't speak to her and other related people are coming to me to resolve the issue and saying we should do an intervention. These people don't know the facts and my entire life my mother has always done things to hurt me and I will not put myself back in a position to be hurt again. But they try and make me feel bad about it. There has just been too much pain and hurt and I couldn't deal with it anymore so I walked away, which is what I always thought that she wanted.

Over the past few years I have given up a lot of friends for various reasons but mostly because it came down to a situation of them using me and trying to get away with it and I just got sick of it. Whenever they need something they call me. The few times I need them there is always an issue, they don't show up, they don't call to give an excuse or they do but 10 minutes before they are expected to show up. The borrow stuff and break it and don't return it or replace it, or break it return it and then try and tell me I gave it to them broken. I mean what is wrong with people. I can't take much more of this treatment.

Why do nice, giving, loyal and helpful people always get screwed over? I mean these people are family or friends I have had for 20 to 30+ years . It seems as though ever time I stick up for myself and say no, I am the bad one...how does this life thing work. I am really trying to figure this out but I can't.

Do people want people to be mean and rude and unreliable and never help out? I just don't get it.
exquisitetigger exquisitetigger
2 Responses Sep 14, 2012

II can relate to the cr@p you get, my sister forever borrowed my clothes when we were at home ..without asking...then leaving them at her boyfriends house then i never got them back.then when she moved out i visited her once and kept coming across my clothes and my ex boy friends clothes in herhome too. I put it down to her being a theif cause shes been acting weird round me for years dyed hr hair my colour but cant look me in the eye.
Yes i hate iving out my clithes for sanyone to borrow as i get them back with tares in them are people ignorant these days or what.?
So iv had enough iv backed off from them just see certain people few and far between.
Iv figured out im too nice and it gets to them, i work hard save well and can afford a nice home, holidays, clothes off my own back.
Im here if ever ou need a gripe regarding inconsiderate.
Frieds and family

Ps sorry about the spelling its ep system fault as it was ok before i sent that to you.

I hear you. My BEST friend my whole life stole clothes from me, didn't ask, I would just find them at her house and take them back. As we got older, in our 20's I watched her take $10 out of my wallet and even into our 40's she was stealing stuff out of my house. What is this? I mean ever think of asking to "borrow" something. I could never steal from my friends. If I borrow something and break it I would replace it. She "borrowed" my fire pit, nice ones with legs on it etc. Cost me $260, she had fires so big in it, she burned a hole through it and broke the leg off and never replaced it. Another friend borrowed my steam cleaner for carpets, which I had only used like 10 times. Borrowed it on the pretense that she wanted to use it, she leant it out to someone else I don't even know, then returned it disgustingly dirty and broken, blew the motor in it. Then had the nerve to tell me she is not fixing it or replacing it because I gave it to her broken to begin with. It wasn't broken. I used it and cleaned it right before I leant it to her. She had no business lending my things out to someone else. Then she told me that I should learn how to treat my friends. OMG what is that about. I gave her what I had when she asked for it and I'm the bad one because I expected it to be returned in the condition I gave it to her which was clean and working???
I have the same issues over and over all my friends eventually try to walk all over me and when I say enough is enough I am the bad one.
Recently I invited a girl out that was leaving our work, to go out for a few drinks with me and the few guys I work with. She said yes. Done deal you would think. Then she started inviting a whole bunch of other people and telling me afterwards. I asked her 3 times, if she was done inviting and asked her to stop inviting people. She said she would. What she didn't know was that I was collecting for a gift for her. That I had cleared it with my boss to have it paid for by the company, based on the information that I gave him. That was myself and the few guys I worked with were taking her out and I was going to invite a few, meaning 3 or 4 other people to come knowing she hung around them all the time. It was supposed to be a surprize. Then the day before we were going to go she came and told me not to be mad at her but that she invited someone else. I asked her who, and she told me a girls name that she knows that I do not get along with. I was so upset. I told her that I wasn't going to go because I wouldn't have a good time and would be very uncomfortable but that I still loved her as a friend, just to please understand. Well, she threw a fit, telling me that I never cared about her and went on and on and told me to go F myself and to F everyone else too, that she wanted people to come together for one reason ... "her"....etc etc. I tried to get her to still go as there was a lot planned and I was still going to get her a gift etc, but she refused. So I told her that there were things she didn't know like the company was paying and I had collected for a gift etc.....but I guess all because I didn't care about her. Her own department did nothing for her and I felt bad.
Since when, does inviting someone out, give them the license to start inviting people, and taking over their own party.....We invited her out. No one told her to start inviting people, I think that was extremely rude. If I was throwing a party at my house and invited her does that give her license to start inviting all kinds of people to my house. I just don't understand how people think these days. She ended our friendship over this. The whole time I was still nice even when she was swearing at me etc...I give up.

Also food for thought, this girl she invited that she well knew I didn't particularly like, she didn't even hang around with ever, had nothing to do with her, and she knew I would be upset about her being invited and she didn't care she invited her anyway. But she wanted me to eat ****, and just put up with it. They never talked at work or outside of work but she ended our friendship over this girl. I guarantee you she will never hear from this girl again.

My feeling were she just wanted as many people there as possible for herself. Whether she had anything to do with them or not. My question is if that is what she wanted why didn't she just throw her own party?

Well she did end up throwing her own party but it wasn't very successful. A few people didn't want to go but went to make an appearance because they didn't want her sitting there by herself.

I had 30 people coming. She "managed" to get 6 people to show up, but not all at the same time, they just dropped in...from what I was told.

I just don't understand why people are so hurtful. Then after I heard she was telling people that I was just controlling and that I was causing drama. OMG I am controlling??? Who is the one that took over and started inviting people, and got everything they wanted, with the exception of me going, and then threw a fit and cancelled everything, etc, and then says "I don't do drama". No she doesn't do drama, she causes it. I was perfectly content not to go but let everything carry on the way she wanted it. I was still going to get her the gift and have everything expensed, but no, she wanted it cancelled and wasn't going to show up, so I had to cancel and return everyone's money to them for the gift.

My other close friend at work does similar things. I will tell her stuff and ask her not to tell anyone, then she will go and tell. She tells me after the fact, like as if because she told me it excuses what she did. She also tries to sabotage things I am trying to do. My boss had a birthday coming and we had bought him a Texas Mickey, and a cake. I told her we were doing the cake at 1pm. She told me in the morning that her boss was in, and he didn't realize it was my bosses birthday but she was going to tell him and she said there is a possibility he would take him out for lunch. I asked her if she was going to bring this up to him to tell him that we have cake etc, planned for 1pm so that if he does take him out they will be back. Then she tells me after that she told him, but she didn't tell him we were having cake etc. and near 1pm we couldn't find them anywhere. She then says to me well maybe my boss took him out for lunch you will have to do cake tomorrow morning. I told her I am NOT doing cake the next day especially in the morning, it will be done today.

This is what I mean, she knew all the plans and it was like she tried to ruin everything, purposefully. There is no other excuse when she went out of her way to try to get her boss to take him out for lunch knowing what we had planned, and didn't tell her boss what we had planned even though I asked her to so he would at least know.

Another time same girl. They came up with an idea to do a pasta lunch for the whole plant. I told them I didn't think it would be a good idea and hard to keep up with the pasta as we only have a small kitchen that they could go ahead with their plans but I am out, I didn't want anything to do with it. There were lots of people involved so they didn't need me to do anything. So she didn't like it and went and complained to my boss, who in turn came to me and told me I had to do it to consider myself "voluntold" to do it. WTF is that, why would she go and complain to him that I didn't want to do it, she didn't need me there and she knew I didn't want anything to do with it. I told her to NEVER do that to me again. I told her if I knew she didn't want to do something, I would respect her on it and NOT go and complain and have her MADE to do it.

These people are supposed to be my friends? What is wrong with people???

I here you I have the same issues..but we always pick friends like our abuser,and what really deserve is love ,caring,devotion,and respect.Rather than using you,verbal and emotional abuse,or using you...Stop giving,they should be there for free.I looked for support and then told by someone...don't tell me your pain ..tell it to a homeless person! Well we are home-less..no family

I really don't understand why people purposefully hurt other people. If I don't like someone, I am not mean or rude to them, I just don't want anything to do with them. I would never go out of my way to hurt anyone even those I don't particularly like, I just remove myself.
People should be there for each other, as you say, for free. But I find that they want you for free, but you owe them something for help in return or they never return the favour. Not sure if it is something we are doing wrong.

Are we supposed to isolate ourselves from life so that this never happens? I mean if you cannot count on your family and friends then what do you have?

I have heard people say you come into the world alone and you die alone. Also that to have good friends you should never rely on them for anything, you should just be friends and that is it.

I had 2 friends at work, one I still have the other is gone now, resigned, but I didn't pick them. One by our positions we end up having to do a lot together and I thought we were friends until she screwed me over a couple of times. I don't know who you can even trust these days. Everyone seems to be a backstabber.

I don't see any support groups for things of this nature that is why I posted on this site. I thought maybe someone could give me some insight as to why this keeps happening.