My Life Up Till Now

My mother didn't like me as a child, If I was standing close to her and she dropped something or something happened to her, I was the one who got hit or punnished.

When I wet the bed, I was made to go outside and scrub the rubber mattress protector in all weathers while my friends in the neighbourhood walked past going to school.

When she had friends over and had been drinking, she used to sing " I'm nobodys child" at me until I cried and she laughed, I don't know if she thought maybe she was toughning me up.

I got married to the first man who asked me, and was very lucky as he was lovely and loved me very much.  We had 2 children, but I realised, selfishly, I was not happy with him although we were together for many years until recently.

During the time I was married I had bother with one of my children and had to put them out of the house at the age of 17 and quite frankly it was hell and an awful decision to make. My mother, father, brother, sister-in-law and nephew never spoke to me after that, but it didn't matter as nothing else was worst than making that decision. They have also ignored my younger child for the past 6 years and I honestly despise them for that .

I wouldn't want then in my life again anyway, enen though I find myself quite lonely since my husband and I split up last year. My younger child is 18 now and lives with me. I have great difficulty trusting people and tend not to "run after" people, if I don't hear anything from them, I don't bother to contact them. I suppose I don't want rejection.

To the world I try to be upbeat, always laughing and joking and seeming to be out going. No one really knows me, but I would say they would think I'm the always busy, things to do, people to see type of person.  I do like my own company, but feel at the moment my confidence is going a bit.

onlywayisup onlywayisup
1 Response Feb 25, 2009

I hope you can still love through all of your hurt.