I walked away from my entirely dysfunctional, physically and mentally abusive, controlling family 16 years ago when my son was 10 months old. I still keep contact with one sister (who also has no contact with the rest of the family). I have a boyfriend and some close friends, although I don’t really allow myself to become very close to many people. I always retain enough of myself to enable me to pick myself up if things don’t work out. I expect there are people out there who would suggest I get help for my issues, but I prefer to think of my oddities as self preservation strategies. Besides, I tried on a couple of occasions to talk things through with counsellors but found that I wasn’t able to deal with the emotions that surfaced.


For the most part I lead a good life. I love my kids, I work hard and on the outside I portray a confident, happy, attractive person. On the inside is a lonely, exhausted, misunderstood, sometimes angry and resentful woman. If Im completely honest, I sometimes resent the fact that I am surrounded by people who have families to help them out with everything from childcare, relationships and finances. I also get really frustrated with adults I see taking their parents help for granted.


 I would very much love to have had a mum that I could be close to and feel loved by. The best I can do is to love my kids and make sure they know that I am always there to help them through the ups and downs, and be a good friend. To me it’s the only positive way to balance out what happened to me.


I am sometimes very hurt by remarks from my boyfriend that I don’t understand how a close family operates because I don’t have one. I was left with no alternative but to walk away from my family because they were so awful- not to mention dangerous- and I wish he could see that as something to respect rather that dismiss. I don’t think he could have done what I did then, or every day since. I think he finds it hard to imagine his life without any family support. I hope he never has to find out what it is like to be hurt as much as I have been by the people who are supposed to love you the most. I also hope that he never has to be without their far-reaching support network. It is extremely tough sometimes.

est941 est941
41-45, F
4 Responses Mar 1, 2010

Shinigami69: Thank you for your kind words. I have never regretted waliking away from it all, especially when I look at my sons. It gives me enormous pride that they have no idea what a bad childhood might feel like! I love that I am a strong, confident person and have been able to deal with my experiences and learn how things should have been, so that Ive been able to stop the 'rot' before just passing it down to them.

It's too bad we can't choose our relatives. So many people think that blood relation gives you a free license to be abusive. It doesn't... We wouldn't put up with any of that crap from a stranger would we? Sometimes, I think abusive families stay together because they know no other way to live. It's like an addiction. Good for you, for getting out! You certainly don't want your kids to be around that. Maybe now that you've dropped the "dead weight", you can heal and move forward.<br />
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I wish the man in your life could be a little more sympathetic for you. He doesn't have to understand to be supportive.

I wish you well God Bless goahead

it is tough, you were proactive in taking yourself out of something that meant you harm, that is to be commended. i have friends who have family and financial support....they're thankless, whiny, lazy, and selfish. i believe that when things are not handed to you, you will work hard(er) and appreciate all that you have a bit more.