I Need To Change

I am so unhappy with myself. So totally and completely unhappy with my life and the way i live it..those of you reading this, please continue to read and then leave your comments below...i am desperate for advice and some sort of guidance. I just dont know what to do..thats my main problem..i dont know WHAT to do to fix this..im not even sure i know what exactly is wrong with me. all i know is that each day i wake up angrier and angrier because i dont know how to fix my problems. I am so insecure...thats predominantly whats wrong me..i have immense, deep seated insecurities..i dont know where they came from or what i can do to fix them but they're there and they're killing me. funny this is, ive never been through anything traumatic in life..there's nothing monumentally wrong..but i still feel this way. which just makes me feel worse. My insecurities are getting worse day by day. I feel ignored and rejected by everyone around me..i feel like im invisible and that no one talks to me or looks at me..i feel unpopular..i feel like im just not important. i constantly get mad at people because i feel like they're ignoring me and ive ruined so many of my friendships because of this. i always run after other people's approval..their praise means everything to me...i feel like i have so many faults and that im the worst person in the world. I used to write but ive lost my confidence and i just dont feel like i can do it anymore. anything i do, like interning somewhere, just doesnt make me happy because i always feel so stupid. i honestly feel like i have no knowledge about anything. i feel so ignorant and unintelligent..i want to fix this so bad. how do i feel good about myself? Anything i attempt in my life just doesnt satisfy me because my insecurities get in the way...i fell like ill fail or im not doing as good as some other person..and i have such incredible anger issues. i snap at everyone around me and that makes me feel so terrible all the time..i say such bitter hurtful things but i dont know how to stop..i think negatively about everyone in my life..i get so annoyed so easily and then i say something in retaliation and then i worry that person's mad at me...its the same pattern over and over again...how can i stop doing this? i hate being so angry and petty. deep inside, im a nicer person..i like beauty and happiness and loving people but EVERYTHING like my frustration and anger just makes me forget all of that...i dont know how to bring that side of me out..i deal with anger in such an unhealthy way...i hold on to it and keep thinking about it till it makes me madder. i can be vengeful and catty. how do i change this viscous way of thinking? its so toxic to me...but i dont know what to do about. please someone recognize whats wrong with me and how i can make it better
redtoshiba redtoshiba
18-21, F
4 Responses May 6, 2012

I once heard someone say they would go out to the woods (you could pick a park or private place) and talk to the trees and/or squirrels and just asking yourself these same questions and talking them out loud can help you to understand better. It's worth a try. Feel better.

Thankyou mma1995, your comment helped me alot and i appreciate your kind words.<br />
Flaming obsession, i dont think you're pathetic at all..ive actually been dealing with all my issues lately and i feel like ive worked through most of it..you're not alone, im with you..dont be sorry, your comment was helpful to read

Maybe you should seek help from a therapist or anger management councillor. Instead of expressing anger this way, why not try to convert it Into something else like a new hobby, maybe like painting or try some sports that let out anger like rugby or boxing or something more relaxing like swimming. another thing, dont bottke It all up!!! I have Issues with this myself, but as soon as someone annoys you, tell them calmly. cos If you bottle it up, eventually you'll flip and that could ruin friendships, another thing just talk it out, you can always message me, or maybe make a journal either hhandwritten or on a word document or soomeething. I hope you find something that will help you, much love.

I feel almost the exact same way. All the time. I need answers too. I feel bad that anyone else goes through all this unhappiness.<br />
You sound like this is effecting things more directly in your life, than it is in mine. I definitely effects things, but in an indirect way most of the time for me. I understand if you ignore this, because you are looking for answers. But I would love to talk with you about this. Knowing I'm not alone helps a little, but I also feel pathetic. Maybe it will help you too? I just don't know. Gah. I don't even know why I'm leaving this comment. Here I go with more insecurities, like no one cares. But truth is they probably don't. NOW IM ARGUEING WITH MYSELF. you probably think I'm some physo freak.<br />
Im lost. <br />
I swear.<br />
IM SO SORRY.<br />
So sorry.

Someone cares.