I Want To Be The Woman That A Man Will Go Crazy And Adore.

I've been bully by guys all my life. I been called ugly, tall and ugly, nerd, stupid, retard, have ugly feet, and everything from guys and even worse the females join along. I have no self esteem or confidence in myself at all. I barely talk to guys because I know they just want sex. (***** don't have a face). I don't really trust guys. I only had two boyfriends. One in high school and one in college. All my girl pals had their experiences with guys and their self esteems are higher than mines. When i'm with a group with my friends, they ignore me. The guys run to them. Idk if it's because they think i'm ugly or i'm not that easy. I don't let no guy touch me unless we have a deep connection. Which was two. Girls laugh or look at me strange when I tell them I only had two boyfriends. Think my love life sucks. I wish I was the woman a man would adore. Love me for me and not force things. Love me from inside and out. Is that so hard to ask? How can I better myself? Heels? skirts? getting my hair and nails did all the time? Have a successful job? I'm drained out and all I wanna do is cry and be to myself.