What Should I Do?

February 13, 2009 was the last time i had sex with my wife. barely a month?????  Most people that's not bad, however, the time before that was almost a year ago the time before that was about six months before.  In the last two years of my marriage (been married almost four) I've had sex maybe eight times (and that's being generous).  I don't think I'm hurt anymore...I think I'm pissed now.  I spoken to her three times about sex and she allows me for a one timer out of guilt or to please me and then shuts me off until I give her an ultimatum.  As a Christian I'm trying to be understanding and patient, but I'm sick and tired of being the pursuer here.  I'd like to be pursued, desired...loved.  She is a wonderful wife but an incredibly lousy lover.


Any rational advice would be appreciated 

soochullee soochullee
3 Responses Mar 9, 2009

Same advice I get. Romantic gestures? Yes I've done everything that I can think of. I've been romantic I've been sweet, I've been demanding, I've tried everything and i get nothing. She NEVER wears lingerie. Not even for sex exactly but doesn't wear it just to sleep in. She wears dress pants, sweats, or even jeans to bed. Her response to my requests are (in the winter) they're too cold (in the summer) they're are too hot. She spent $250 on these gowns, chemises etc and has only worn them maybe two times each (three items) in our almost four year marriage. <br><br><br><br />
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She now comes home after work turns on the alarm and goes to bed. Even when she wears skirts and pantyhose to work she immediately changes to a "frumpy" look. <br><br><br><br />
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I'm at the point of where I don't want to become aroused by her. She changes in front of me or dries off and i won't look at her. She's dropped weight and looks the most incredible then even when we were first dating, in my opinion always looked great but I don't want to enjoy her.<br><br><br><br />
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I informed her that I was looking for a job in another city and other states (partly because I can't land a job in KC, but started because I'm really thinking of divorce). I think we are on the way out. I think she now finally has suspicions about where my feelings are leading.

Wow.. wish I could offer you some advice but since you read my story, you know I'm in the same situation as you. I can only suggest you try talking to her - it may not get you anywhere - it certainly hasn't helped us but it is worth a shot.<br />
I hope it just helps by knowing that you're not the only one out there struggling!<br />
Good luck x

Has your wife been under stress? Has she seen a dr, she could be suffering from depression. Have you tried romantic gestures, that is something that I would like. For example, going out to dinner at a nice place or going to the movies or flowers or saying I love you. Maybe a hug or asking how she is feeling, being sympathetic. Just some thoughts of what I wish my husband would do.

I feel your pain, it's incredibly frustrating, Most men actually do all the sweet stuff that women want initially, I guess they never make the connection in their minds that when the sex dries up, obviously we will stop being sweet as well. It's really unfair that honest good guys are dragged around through these long relationships so unhappily, I'd much rather my girlfriend/wife tell me I am not attracted to you, don't want sex with you or anyone else. that's a difference maybe I just can't get around and then we have to go our separate ways. Everytime I bring up the subject I get guilted into just accepting the situation because my partner becomes emotional and cries.....I'm the most unhappy I've been in years, and the saddest part is she doesn't even know it......