I Want To Be A Real Girl

I feel like I am not a real person. I have two kids and no job, I live far away from my hometown and really don't know anyone in my city. It's kinda complicated; I stay here because this is where my kids' fathers live.  Everyone tells me I'm crazy and to just take my kids and go back home....but I just can't take my kids away from their dads, i feel so guilty every time i think about it.  I feel so trapped and alone.  I rarely ever leave the house. If i go to the grocery store it's like a huge treat for me.  Tonight i went to the store (it's saturday) ans saw lots of women in groups, all dressed up and ready to go out for the night.  I remember that rush of excitement I used to get putting on makeup and getting dressed up with my old friends, wondering where the night would take us....i am so envious of everyone who still gets to go out and have fun. My old friends and I have gone our seperate ways.  I really have no money to go out anyway. I am so depressed and lonely and just want to feel like a real person again!! :(
ewiemama ewiemama
31-35, F
2 Responses Jun 26, 2011

OMG We are so alike! I moved with my fiance and my 2 kids, 4 hours away from our hometown. we have been here for 10 months now. I don't know anyone not even neighbors. I have had to go to my kid's school before when he was in trouble and talk to his principal, it was horrible, I was terrified! I can't stand to be in front of people. I have no job, I am taking classes online, so when I graduate, I will need a job, but I am scared of that too. I feel like I am not "equal" to everybody else, like I am realy small. ANYWAY, I know how you feel. and I don't know what to do to help. But at least we are not really alone.

I feel for you. And on some level I can relate as well. Even though I live in a big city, I have a very hard time meeting people and thus am fairly alone and lonely myself.