"It's Simply Not In The Cards For Me"!

I don't have much of a social life because I am in constant pain. Anyone who suffers with a chronic painful condition also knows what I am talking about.You can not simply go where you want, when you want. When you have an appointment that must be kept, it is worse than you can imagine to have to force yourself to work through such mind bending suffering, to get a shower, dress, and then struggle to get into a vehicle an endure a ride. There are so many things so many people take for granted, I would love to experience them without pain the way I once did, instead of the way I am forced to do. Having to use a walker on most days, people staring, that is so rude. You feel like you are being judged for something you have absolutely no control over. It is so discouraging to go out in public, and have people look at you like you have suddenly grown a second head. Can people get ant more rude, or ignorant these days? I mean, maybe they should be thinking along the lines of "What if that were me, how would the behavior I am exhibiting make me feel, if I were in that persons shoes". I don't want or need anyones sympathy, nut a little respect and decency would certainly be nice. I have never once made fun of anyone who was handicapped, or different. I always tried to respect them for being able to ignore those who did. I have always shown compassion, and tolerance at other situations, It just seems like there are so few who have any real humanity.One day, a situation like this, or worse could land on your front door, seeing peoples true colors from this point of view, sure does change some colors of the rainbow. It is a life altering understanding. I really hope others have had better experience in this situation than I have, as it makes you dread every time you have to leave the comfort of your private little hell. I do have severe anxiety issues as well, but I am not the only one who has noticed these situations, so I know that has nothing to do with it. I used to hear the phrase "there are things worse than death" and at the time, I would think to myself, what could possibly be worse than death? I thought that was such a morbid expression. I no longer find it morbid, I have a complete understanding of what they were talking about that I just didn't grasp before. What I wouldn't give to return to the days of not knowing and understanding the validity of that expression.
TwilightDream TwilightDream
36-40, F
Nov 14, 2011