I Have Not Had Good Luck Dating Older Men

I know a lot of women do well with older men and I can understand that. However in my experience I have been in two serious relationships in my life with men that were at least 10 years older than myself. My most recent was a 2 1/2 yr relationship/engagement that I broke off.

   I like time to myself occassionally and in my experience older men seem to want to be around you 24/7. These relationships felt suffocating to me at times and that drove me crazy. I also had a problem with both of these men being control freaks. The last one even wanted to try to tell me what color of nail polish he wanted me to wear which was pink all the time! Of course I wore other colors and he hated it! You can't always wear pink polish you know? I mean Hello! Winter and Fall clothing alot of times does not match then it looks tacky! He also did not like me to cut my hair. He wanted me to have long hair down to my ***! I am not a 22 yr old young thing! Long hair does not look good on everyone. So of course I cut it and he would get so furious! I would tell him they screwed up at the salon and took too much off! Sad I know to lie about something so stupid but I got tired of arguing about it with him.

    I think this has just been my experience but both of my past older lovers were very controlling, possesive, selfish and they both suffocated me in the relationship that it was all I could do to go anywhere alone. Even just up the street for a pack of cigarettes! I guess maybe I just ended up with two different guys who were both insecure that happened to be older.

  My next issue on this subject. My best friend works with this guy who met me once when I stopped by her job to bring her a Christmas gift. He has been bugging her about me ever since and wants the three of us to have lunch together. She asked me to have lunch with her tomorrow. I totally forgot about this guy and told her of course I will meet you for lunch. Turns out he will be joining us. Which is fine I guess but I am not sure I am interested in dating. The real kicker here that turns me off the whole idea. YOU GUESSED IT! He is older 13 years older than me to be exact. I know he could be a great guy but its my track record with these older men that I don't trust. Am I terrible for feeling that way?

cmost cmost
36-40, F
7 Responses May 2, 2007

don't feel bad..but we are not all bad...lol. Some of us are secure and imaginative.

Reading your posts, you sound like a fine lady that has run into a few messed up guys. I'm not really older (does 51 count?) and after a dozen years of marriage, just had my first date this week - who had much the same story as you cmost. Sorry to hear your plight; seems to be too common.

I would stear clear. Why waste mopre time with the old folks. There is a much higher probability that you will be on the same wave length with someone of your own generation. Have you identified any farther issues in your life?

Wow. I'm glad you gave it a chance, but I am a bit taken back by his actions! Guys on the rebound are such dangerous people - especially if they are still in pain and can't seem to move past it. I'm so sorry you had to endure that, but you seem to have the right fr<x>ame of mind regarding the lessons learned. I wish you the best of luck in the future (and don't give up older men altogether... eventually Murphy's Law kicks in...)!

Thank you all for responding to my story. I wrote this story about a year ago. You would not believe the outcome of this one. I did go to lunch a few times and exchange phone numbers with this guy in the story above. We dated for 6 months. He was on the rebound and had just ended a relationship with a woman he had been with for over 4 years. Well as much as I liked him and we got along so well he could never quit talking about his ex. He apparently had alot of anger towards her for some things they had gone through. Well just a couple of months into my dating him he started having some serious health problems. He had blood clots in his left leg and had a few surgeries to try and correct it. His arteries were too badly collapsed so they could not do an angioplasty. He had to have his leg amputated below the knee. I stood by him the whole time, taking time off work to be there for him through these surgeries. Well here's the sad part. Through all this the ex girlfriend started coming back around and he dumped me two days before he was discharged from the hospital to go back with her. I was devastated. Well you know what they say you live you learn!

I haven't dated anyone more than 8 years older me, but in my experiences they are all different. I've been with incredibly loyal, non-possessive ones and very manipulating, controlling ones. Don't knock him before you give him a chance. Just do as dorobo says and take it slow. It'll give you enough time to tell what he's all about before you get in too deep. Plus anyone who meets someone once and becomes enthralled enough to bug a friend sounds quite interesting to me!

Oh C ... you're not terrible for feeling this way at all. You're unsure, and there's really nothing wrong with that. You sound like a very independant woman, and any man, older or not, should be extremely proud to be with you! <br />
It's been my experience as well that older men do tend to be a bit controlling and insecure. But ... they are not ALL like this, I'm sure.<br />
This guy sounds fun, don't ask why I think this ... I don't know. Gut feeling ... *shrugs*. I'd go to lunch! Don't cancel. Give him a chance. If nothing else, you will have lunch with a dear friend, and possibly start a wonderful friendship with this 'older man'. Have fun! Good Luck! Let us know how it goes! *hugs*