Several People Actually

Looking back on my past, I can see that I've been pretty messed up in this regard. I don't understand where this propensity for obsession comes from. The way I've behaved because of it is quite unbelievable, but I still remember how I felt. It's given me much unneeded grief.

Surely this can't be normal. Normal people don't obsess about people they know online, friends, people they barely know et cetera on a regular basis do they?

I really am a creep. However, after a bad spell of depression (haha sounds like the weather "there'll be a brief spell of rain, with possibly more ahead") and much introspection, I think that I'm over being like this. Hopefully. It's partly why I don't let people get too close.

I'm still checking someone's blog and twitter and youtube and facebook but it's only now and then. It helps that they're not updated that often at the moment. I'm not obsessed anymore, but because I'm so used to having a particular idea of this person, it still privately upsets me when they do something I don't expect or know about. Yeah.

Okay,
that's just wrong.
ForestSong ForestSong
18-21, F
3 Responses Aug 11, 2010

What you wrote describes me perfectly. I am 24 and I've always been obsessed over someone. And more than once it ended up pretty bad. My behavior just pushed them away. I also don't know where this comes from. Everyone thinks I'm normal and I sometimes think I am too. But I can't fool myself. There's always somebody I am obsessed with and I just can't think about anything else. I'm all day long thinking about them, pretending I'm talking to them, thinking about what to say to them, etc. And I think they can tell I am kinda obsessed. And that's when I start feeling depressed and I say to myself that I need to stop talking or writing to them so much. But I just can't, which makes me feel so miserable. And I of course check their Facebook lots of times each day. When I was younger and FB didn't exist I would check my e-mail all the time. I've been obsessed over teachers, close friends, not so close friends and celebrities. And they all were women, just like me. Some obsessions were as long as 4 or 5 years and others not that long. Oh well, enough talking. I'm going to check her FB one more time before going to sleep. I know there won't be any updates but I just need to do it. That's how pathetic I am.

OMG YOU ARE EXACTLY LIKE IAM! I have always had obsessions with females also. The current one I have has lasted 6 yrs and is a lecturer that I once had a very close relationship with. Like you I too displayed some "strange behaviour" (in my case it was jealousy and anger over a male date she had taken to the college's staff dinner) and since then she has backed off. I have never really obsessed over celebs. But I too have imagined having conversations with this woman in my head constantly. I fanatsize about her inviting me to her home for a weekend and the numerous scenarios that could lead to us making love. i fantasize about what we will say to each other next time we meet. I lfantasize about hugging her a lot too. Her hugs are so divine. They're even better than sex.

My life is very complicated in that I identify as a lesbian and have no shame about it but I met, fell inlove and now am in a four year relationship with a man. He is the most wonderful human being I've ever known and he loves me inspite of my sexual orientation just as I love hime inspite of his sex. We are two human beings that really love and care for each other and want to make each other happy along the course of the rest of our lives. I want to marry him even but this woman is tearing my life apart because she is all I think of. The other night he and I had mind blowing sex but after, when I moved to kiss him on the lips, my mind automatically projected her face where his was. It was freaky, alarming and disgusting all at once. I have been officially diagnosed with depression and for the past three weeks I am battling a serious bout. Though she is not the only trigger for this episode she is a major one. I feel like a fraud, like I'm living a double life, like I'm hurting the the true one I love. I don't want to feel like that about her, It renders me powerless but everytime I feel like I've finally gotten her out of my system she flares up again like an herpes outbreak. I really just want to end it all because I fee like a cheater, a loser and what hurts me the most is she is moving on with her life and I keep starting and stalling like an old car.

Seriously... I know how you feel. I wish I'd be obsessed with someone online... The person I'm obsessed with I see at school. She's a counselor and awesome... And I know exactly what you're talking about- I wish she was just as obsessed as I am. It'd make things 10x easier, and maybe parts of my mind feel free...

Ah I didn't know of that link. Thank you for the kind words.<br />
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I'm doing some google research on this at the moment and it seems that there are quite a number of people with the same issue as me. <br />
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Apart from the fact that being obsessed with someone makes me completely miserable and feeds the depression, I'm worried that I've disturbed someone with my behaviour. Especially since I can see how I might've now that I look back on things...<br />
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I've wanted the subjects to my obsessions to be just as obsessed with me - always trying to attract attention in some way.<br />
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Gosh, this is embarrassing. I bet no-one would suspect something like this from me - the shy, unassuming, nice one.