Fur

Actually this is really embarrassing for me. Since I think EP is the only placed where I am not judged, I'm just going to go away and post this. 
My obsessive compulsive ritual is being perfectly clean, hairless and moisturised EVERY single day. If I don't do it, (and sometimes it has happened) I feel dirty and horrible, like there is something profoundly wrong with me. An example is if I don't shave my legs for a couple of days, I start feeling disgusting and cannot stop thinking about how I must get home and yank everything off. If I had a pair of tweezers on me, I probably would pluck everything out one by one. I think this probably comes from the fact that when I was little I was bullied, and one of the main points was the fact that I was a little hairy middle-eastern girl. I may be from all over the world but my blood and origins come from the east; growing up in a Catholic society, I was made to feel ashamed for it. Now, I've sort of accepted that is who I am, and even though I am not that much in touch with my roots, it's a part of me I am proud to have.
Every day I wake up and the first thing I do is get into the shower. I spend over half an hour separating my body from evil (without the water running of course) and then clean myself thoroughly from head to toe. God forbid if I ever miss anything important like my ears. 
Then after the shower I must put emollient or essential oils. This process takes away one hour of my day, every day; I've also perfected a routine of making it uber-fast if I am late. If I don't do it, I feel like a poor excuse of a human being. 
One thing that I find strange is that I don't judge other people as harshly as others do when it comes to hygiene. Sure, it's terrible when you're sitting in a European bus in August, cramped next to someone who doesn't believe in deodorant, but I don't think it's the worst thing in the world. It's their business.
I've always dated really clean people, but if my boyfriend hugs me after a work-out, I couldn't care less about the smell. 
But when it comes to myself, for some reason it's different. For some reason I am not willing to forgive myself anything, so until I make peace with it I guess I just have to give into the demon. 
LittleMonroe LittleMonroe
18-21, F
Jul 22, 2010