My Life Fighting Pure O

Well we all know how painful the thoughts of harming loved ones brings us down. Well I have those and my worst fear is that I will go crazy and hurt a loved one. So I hide things that I see as weapon.Ughh I just want the thoughts gone.
ilovemyson201 ilovemyson201
18-21, F
4 Responses Jan 15, 2013

I feel like I have the same thing, although I'm not diagnosed. I couldn't even look at knives for almost a year, let alone tools or pens because of the images I would come up with in my head. Now after over a year, the anxiety connected with those things has really gone down enough that only once in a while it comes back but now I have another "fixation" so you're def. not alone.

I've had the same thoughts. I used getting nauseous with worry every time I had to use a knife. At least I'm not alone but I still can't stop worrying I'm crazy.

I know exactly how you feel. What makes me feel better is watching monk and realizing how much worse it could be. It makes me glass that it's only obsessions, at least for a while...

Hi, I just really had to respond to you, I am 43 years of age and my son is now 23. From the day I brought him home from the maternity hospital I was plauged by mental images and phrases of harming him 24 hrs a day. I knew I loved him more than life itself but decided I was a nutcase the guilt and shame was exausting, Some how I managed to hide it from the world until he was five, I finaly decided that he would be safer away from me even though he was probably the best cared for child in my town. I got help and realised that my morals were stronger than my fears, but because my morals were so rigid the very thought of somthing bad happening was enough for the anxiety to cripple me. I avoided the news, all newspapers , would not allow anyone in my company to discuss anything that had happened locallly or nationally to a child just incase that was enough to make me become a headline in the paper myself. That is avoidance, it kept it going for years, because you can not hide from the world. I faced it head on and realise my brain was just malfunctioning, it could have took the form of excessive fear of dirt, or trying to crash my car, but it had taken the form of MY BIGGEST FEAR that I was capable of hurting the most precious thing in the world a child and more importantly my child. All I can tell you is the brain is like a constant radio transmitting nonsensical words and pics all day long some we hook on to some we dont, pure o somehow makes us glitch at ones we find so morally wrong, they cause anxiety and disgust and fear so we have to analyze them until we are exhausted because we dont accept them in our moral code. The more we fight them the more we give them power and room. FACE THEM. The very fact these thoughts cause us so much distress is because they do not fit in with our spirit and moral code. Just because our brain relays 24 hr 7 often nonsenical images and thoughts does not mean we want them or crave them let them run past you for what they are just a stream of information gathered from tv, news papers, friends gossip, My son is now a strapping 20 stone 6 foot 2 bouncer. I have never harmed a hair on his head, Just because somthing runs through your brain does not mean that is the truth. It has taken me years to get to this stage and I still have odd intrusive thoughts , but I know it was never the thought that was the problem, it was my response, I accept that my brain glitches , but I also accept I never had this problem because I was a bad person, it affected me so badly because I am such a moral good person. Lets face it if we were not, we would not be seeking help or avoidence of these thoughts, we wouldnt question them or feel anxiety because we simply would not care xxxxx

I have a question... Did it take you a while to accept that it was just a thought and it wasn't important.. It wasn't a desire? Or convincing yourself that you do have strong morals? Cause I'm in the healing process and I just fund myself relapsing to the idea that it's not just a thought that I actually want to do it and that I am not the morally strong person I once was....