Ocd Is A Pain In The Arse!!! >:(

I'm completely new to this. Yikes!
I think my OCD started when I was about 11 or 12 (I'm 24 now). I was at the cinema and my Mum comes in and takes me home because she was worried she left the oven on and she didn't want the house to burn down while our pets where in it. That got me freaked out completely and I kept thinking about the house burning down and all of our pets being killed and it kinda went on from there.
Now I can't leave the kitchen without making sure the cooker is off. I'll check all the knobs on it to make sure they're all at 0. I can check it over ten times and it still won't be enough for me.
We have a lot of cats (16 rescues) and I fear that I'll accidently trap them in the oven, fridge, washing machine or dryer (sounds stupid), so I'll check them a lot too.
When I leave the house I have to check loads of times to make sure that the front door is definitely locked.
I sometimes have to bring my hair curler and straightener places with me just so I know for sure that they're plugged out.
I have two ferrets which have free run of my room and my new fear is that they will get out the window so I'll bang on the wondows just to prove they're shut. My hand will be aching afterwards and that's how I know for sure they're shut.
I count pretty much everything.
I get horrible thoughts in my head that make me feel like a disgusting person but I can't help it.
I have to go check on my ferrets at night and pull at their cage door to make sure it's definitely shut.
If I plug anything in I have to make sure the prongs are dry cause i fear if they're any bit wet then the house will catch on fire.
If I'm driving somewhere I'll check my bag numerous times to make sure I have everything I need for the day. I can be half an hour away from my house and I'll pull in just to check my bag.
If I'm out for a night out I normally end up going home early because I check my bag so much that it makes me extremely glum and like such a freak.
I can't go to sleep at night without saying a prayer type thing, I feel like if I don't say it then something bad will happen.
I check things, count things or say things until I feel like it's 'just right'.... whatever the hell just right is.
I hate it. I hate the person I am today. I feel like a freak. It makes me so sad and glum at times because I want to stop all the counting and constant checking of things but I really can't.
I know I should probably go talk to someone about all this but all my life I've felt like talking about stuff doesn't help. If anyone can offer me any advice then it would be greatly appreciated. I'm getting worse every day and I'm dreading my future.
I get so frustrated and angry with myself that I just want to hurt myself. I want to get flexible enough to kick myself in the face. :)
Thank you to anyone who has been arsed reading this far!
MrsCreepers MrsCreepers
22-25, F
May 11, 2012