How I Was Feeling

In the darkness of my silence
When I find myself apart
When my mind begins to prowl
And my nerves begin to smart

And I find myself just standing
On a precipice of jagged stone
With a figure there I’m facing
Yes my OCD and I alone

I feel like a battered leaf
Caught tight in winds of storm
Flung far from any source of light
No place that’s safe and warm

I take a breath to counter
Then from dry lips let fly
My secret words of power
That let me tame the sky

And though I’m scared and shaken
Though I long to run and hide
I reach down deep inside me
Where my true intentions bide

I call upon an inner strength
From a place that’s only me
With a will both proud and strong
I once more chain my OCD

I will not let it rule here
It can never have my life
If I must choose pain or slavery
I will gladly choose the strife

I am my hearts own master
I guard my souls one gate
I choose where I lay my course
I am the master of my fate
Chaoslover Chaoslover
4 Responses Aug 10, 2012

yes you are fighting back good for you i have ocd to iread a book that may be of help to you called Obessive Compulsive Disordersby phd Fred PENZEL GOOD LUCK MY FRIEND VINNY

Thank you captaincube for sharing back. You are right they are like chapters from the same story. The poem you shared in fact reminds me of another poem I wrote not to long ago about all the different masks I feel I wear in my daily interactions with people. Keep expressing yourself and so will I. =D

I felt very strange reading that. I think we could have written each other's words here. I wrote this not long ago because of how I was feeling. They seem so similar to me, like chapters of the same story. Thank you for sharing.<br />
<br />
What is your name<br />
You're staring although<br />
I'm not sure we've met<br />
But you seem to know<br />
<br />
Tracing my mask<br />
With unwavering eyes<br />
Melting the porcelain<br />
Of my vain disguise<br />
<br />
The vilest truth<br />
Was hiding beneath<br />
Cold glass of longing<br />
Like gnashing ghoul's teeth<br />
<br />
Your eyes reflect<br />
All that I've become<br />
That gaze beats to me<br />
That loathsome song drum<br />
<br />
You'd close your eyes<br />
To hide such disgust<br />
Not seeming to find<br />
The charms of my lust<br />
<br />
Turn please around<br />
Redeem what I see<br />
Look in the mirror<br />
And find you are me.

I couldn't figure out how to respond to your email, but wanted to thank you for your comments and words of encouragement. We will check out the book you recommended. Stand firm. Thank you. Happywife10