Ella Enchanted

One of my favorite books as a child was Ella Enchanted. For those of you not up on fiction novels for young adults, Ella Enchanted is a story all about a girl that cannot disobey an order. If someone gives her a direct order she must do it, no matter what. When I was a kid, what I loved about Ella was that she was trapped, but she found a way to find her happiness. As an adult I realize that even then I knew that I was just as "special" as Ella.
By the time I reached young adulthood it became clear that I was living like Ella. My moral code is as follows:
1. Be loyal at all costs.
2. Do not disappoint those who love you.
3. Do not deceive those who love you.
4. Help someone that needs it.
Noble codes certainly, but impossible to always follow. Can you think of a single person in your life whom you have not at one point accidentally disappointed? I can't either. While my logical mind understands that it is impossible to be the perfect person, I cannot break these codes.

What people who don't have OCD can't understand is that it is not a choice. If the codes get broken I have a total meltdown whether or not I did my best to maintain them. My curse has come with blessings, like Ella. I have formed some of the best friendships ever thanks to my unnatural/obsessive attention to my friends/family. But these relationships have come at a terrible price. I have risked my life, I have compromised my health, and I have been stuck in a relationship with a psychopath who was using me because he could. Because I am bound by the codes to that person. One day, I hope that I can be like Ella and find a way out. If you're like me, you understand.

thinningice thinningice
Jan 11, 2013