It's An Everyday Battle.

I have been braking away from OCD tendencies for awhile. I am doing so much better...but still...some things are there.

It used to be that I'd have to check all the locks in my house several times before going to bed, and touch certain items at the supermarket. At one point in time I remember having to walk a certain way through a parking lot...because if I didn't something bad was going to happen.

And I realized it was ludacris. I realized that it had no basis in reality...but I still felt COMPELLED to do it.

Even though I no longer do those things...I still have points in time that I succumb...and I give in to those irrational behaviors and thoughts.

I remember having a breakdown because I couldn't put on a shirt. I was sitting on my floor, crying into my laundry basket. Picking up and shirt, and then setting it back down...trying on everyone...and not being able to wear any of them because nothing felt right. nothing made me feel emotionally sound.

I was crying over a shirt.

And it's tough because you feel like you can't change...but believe me you can. I have gotten so much just need to trust yourself. Just tell the world to f-off. Scream it out loud if that'll help.

You can make a change. If you don't check the locks for the fifth time, the world will still go on. If you brush your hair before you brush your teeth, nothing will change. Touching the t.v. three times before sitting down doesn't need to happen.

just try it. take it slow. don't overwelm yourself.

It is one of the hardest things I have delt with...but I am dealing with it, and I am better.

There are many people who let it take over their lives...and I have decided not to be one of them. I will not let it ruin my life; because it was taking way too much out of me.

I hope if you want to change, that you give yourself the chance and the tools to change. Find somebody to talk to about it.


kkid kkid
18-21, F
2 Responses Jun 23, 2007

Thank you.

This... This gives me hope that things WILL get better. I recently found out I have OCD, and every little thing I did, I would just brush it off, until it got worse. I have reoccurring thoughts that WILL NOT go away, I have to touch certain things, and, for example, I have to first brush my teeth, then wash my face, then shampoo ( 5 squirts cause I have the little pump thingy. ) And so on... It has sent me into panic attacks, and depression, but I don't know what to do anymore :/

I hate having to share a bathroom with my brother because he NEVER puts the shampoo back in the right place. He uses my soap and I can't stand it. I think it's pretty sad that I have to wear gloves into the shower and actually wash off the soap before I use it, but I just can't help it.