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Not So Bad

I have mild ocd.  It started when I was a teenager...and got really bad around puberty.  The rituals were things like turning lights off and on, reciting prayers over and over, thinking I could hear messages in songs, carefully setting my right shoe in front of the left when I put them in the closet.  I couldn't shake the horrible feeling of impending doom if I didn't do these things until they were exactly "right."  I couldn't stop the thoughts of people I loved being taken a way or killed in horrible car accidents or whatever.  Huge amounts of anxiety.  Now, it's not so bad.  Even without medicine, I don't have to do any rituals that interfere with anything, and I don't believe in god anymore, so prayers aren't going to help me anyway.  I do take Paxil anyway, though, and it helps me to keep from biting my nails, and stops the thoughts that repeat over and over in my head, keeping me awake.  Usually things like lines from movies, or pieces of music.  I am really interested, however, in hearing about others' experiences with ocd, and not the suffering, but the advantages of having ocd.  for example, as an actress, ocd is beneficial to me, because it makes memorizing scripts very easy.  I am very good at mimic.  It plays over and over in my head until I have the entire script memorized- not only my part, but everyone else's as well.  It's funny though, because in general life, I tend to be very forgetful...I've had to replace my car keys I don't know how many times.  But, I am really good at organizing things, and filing, ironing, and cleaning are very satisfying to me, because it means bringing order to something.  So what beneficial things does ocd do in your life?
TraumaKitty TraumaKitty 21-25, F 2 Responses Jul 16, 2007

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Wow...I totally forgot I even wrote this. It's been 2 1/2 years since then. I have to agree with the test answers. I can totally ace a test- it's like the right answers are almost glaringly obvious, and not always so much because I know the material, as much as I pick up on little literary cues...the particular way something is worded, or the choice of a particular word being the same as something I recognize in the text. I've realized also that OCD is anxiety-based. It's a way of having something solid to hang onto when I'm feeling like the rest of life is out of control. It's still very mild. The last time I noticed anything was a few weeks ago, when I had a vocal tic that lasted for about a month. My husband would ask me "Why do you keep making that little noise?" I couldn't explain it, other than to say that something just didn't feel "right," unless I did it. It was extremely hard to stop myself, and most of the time, I wasn't even aware I was doing it. I was having issues with my mom at the time, and once they resolved, the tic went away. I've noticed that a lot of the other ER nurses I work with also complain of having OCD, and also ADHD. I guess we're drawn to particular fields, where our "disorders" are an asset.

I'm in high school, and it helps me to remember answers on tests, music in concert and marching band, routines for cheerleading, and the script for drama as well. It can get annoying at times, yes, but it is also quite helpful.