I Feel Trapped!!
I have had ocd for years now, but it has changed over the years also. The earliest thing I remember is being in infants school obsessing over dirt in my nails. I used to think if I got even the tiniest bit of dirt under my skin I would die. I would sit in class trying to pick it out and sometimes I would just make it sink in even more under my skin. That obsession soon passed. Then there was a time when I had to retrace my steps, for example, I would have to go back and pass a lamp post again if I wasn't satisfied the first time. (I can only imagine how silly I must have looked). Next came the checking. I had to check that doors are locked, the cooker/heater and other appliances are off repeatedly. About the same time I had to check many times throughout the night that my family are still breathing. Especially my brother - I would not be satisfied with just seeing his chest moving, in the end I would have to nudge him to wake him up. I would have to count how many times I've heard him breath in and out before I can leave, it would usually be 4 or until I was satisfied.
Now - I have an obsession with cleaniness and repeated 'prayer'. Infact I am religious so I pray anyway. However, throughout the day I have to say the same prayer or repeat certain phrases until I feel everything and everyone are safe. I also get bad thoughts in my head that I have to pray about or else I start to think that they will come true.
Not only is having OCD annoying and stressful, but I constantly have this tense pressure in my head as if someone is squeezing my brain. I hardly go out any more, only if I really have to. Like work, taking my brother to school etc. And I feel trapped!
I have recently seen my GP about it and they have referred me to a mental health clinic which I will be attending on Monday.
Has anyone else been to a mental health clinic for ocd? Has it helped? What do they do?