I Feel Trapped!!

I have had ocd for years now, but it has changed over the years also. The earliest thing I remember is being in infants school obsessing over dirt in my nails. I used to think if I got even the tiniest bit of dirt under my skin I would die. I would sit in class trying to pick it out and sometimes I would just make it sink in even more under my skin. That obsession soon passed. Then there was a time when I had to retrace my steps, for example, I would have to go back and pass a lamp post again if I wasn't satisfied the first time. (I can only imagine how silly I must have looked). Next came the checking. I had to check that doors are locked, the cooker/heater and other appliances are off repeatedly. About the same time I had to check many times throughout the night that my family are still breathing. Especially my brother - I would not be satisfied with just seeing his chest moving, in the end I would have to nudge him to wake him up. I would have to count how many times I've heard him breath in and out before I can leave, it would usually be 4 or until I was satisfied.

Now - I have an obsession with cleaniness and repeated 'prayer'. Infact I am religious so I pray anyway. However, throughout the day I have to say the same prayer or repeat certain phrases until I feel everything and everyone are safe. I also get bad thoughts in my head that I have to pray about or else I start to think that they will come true.

Not only is having OCD annoying and stressful, but I constantly have this tense pressure in my head as if someone is squeezing my brain. I hardly go out any more, only if I really have to. Like work, taking my brother to school etc. And I feel trapped!

I have recently seen my GP about it and they have referred me to a mental health clinic which I will be attending on Monday.

Has anyone else been to a mental health clinic for ocd? Has it helped? What do they do?


Daniixx Daniixx
18-21, F
13 Responses May 6, 2009

I relate so much to everything you've said...

i have ocd like you with many of the traits you have getting help is wonderful what helpedme was reding a book on ocd by FRED PENZEL called obessive compulsive disorders i hope going to a health clinic will help you get your life back ocd is a ***** of an illness good luck vinny

hope the book helpes you vinny

If anyone can try reading battlefield of the mind by Joyce Meyer it's really about building healthy thought patterns bless you all

I had a thing for repeated washing of my hands until i got tired after many years now if i get the urge to do it i just switch off my mind towards that thought and the urge diminishes each time and i gain greater control

I work for a docu-series called "Obsessed" that airs on A&E. Our goal is to find people who suffer from anxiety disorders, phobias, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder who have the desire to overcome it. We have fully credited and licensed therapists who use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Exposure Response Prevention on the patients they work individually with. The show offers 12-16 weeks of FREE therapy with a designated therapist and we will document their behavior and improvement over the 12-16 weeks. Season One was very successful and we had many of our patients drastically change their lives. Having worked for the show last season, I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to change their life for the better. The people are really amazing and offer great support. If you are interested or if you know anyone with these conditions that may be interested in getting help they can contact me at tjcasting.obsessed@gmail.com

Thanks LonelyWonderer. <br />
Have you tried to fight it, for example, by not giving into the act of turning the opposite way? If you start to fight it, it may become easier to stop.<br />
I don't know how deep this goes for you, but either way I wish you all the best.<br />
<br />
When I went to see my GP for the first time he asked me, "Is there anything thats happened in your past that may have triggered it?". I couldn't think of anything, but maybe something has happened in your past that makes you feel incomplete if you don't fulfill your compulsion.<br />
<br />
Thanks again for your comment.<br />
<br />

Yeh the retracing steps thing,, its just like my obsession with 360 degrees. If I turn in a circle one way, I have to tun back the other or I just dont feel complete. I don't really have much advie to offer coz I have never tried to find help before. I will be here to help though, if you ever wanna talk.

I really appreciated the useful comments in here. Like Daniixx, I've experienced 'changing' Ocd, and some times have been much harder that others. Now I'm quite fine, I have the odd episodes but on the whole, I keep up. You're right, it's feeling in a trap, and it's even worse because it's all built by our minds. Which gives us the power to change, anyway, like CityZen wrote. All the best!

Thanks Supaglu, and well done on taking that first step.<br />
I wish you well.<br />

I have OCD to and went to see a PDoc but it took me close on 20 years to admit this to anyone, but since getting the help I am much better. I still have OCD and will for life but its not so controlling any more............Good luck, let us know how you go

Thanks CityZen for the books - I'm going to read them!

Thanks CityZen for the advice and encouragement. I will definately look into it.<br />
<br />
And well done on getting over your eating disorder.<br />
<br />

I had an eating disorder and developed some pretty nasty thoughts related to food. I'm over it now, tg! Anyway, if you want to look at the light side, I recommend a book by David Sedaris -- Me Talk Pretty One Day was really funny. Although he never calls is OCD, it's pretty clear what he's describing. And it's nice to have a good laugh. And then there's a book called "The Brain That Changes Itself" which is helpful to understand how capable we are of changing our thought patterns. There's a section on OCD and the basis advice is: consciously work at developing better thought patterns -- remain vigilant and it will get better. Thought patterns are like pathways in your brain: the more you engage in certain ones, the deeper they become and without attention they become ruts. You've got the power to change that! Good luck!