Yup, I Think I Hit It

33 year old female, work as a service advisor for the past 12. My boss is always drunk and grumpy.I HATE spending my day at work, I HATE IT!  I have a 15 year old daughter who doesnt like me, and a boyfriend for 1 1/2 years. I drink more than i thought i could, smoke like a broken exhaust and live like a hermit. I spend my free time wondering how i got here, in this life that wasnt suppose to be mine. i let my self go completely.  I love the people i have in my life, but i have kicked most out and dont allow any body in.  perhaps i feel like its easier to not leave my mark, to just drift off like it never happened. but at the same time i feel this crazy drive in me, but its stuck and wedged and is having a hard time getting unfastened. I have an idea of how to get out, but the feeling of being blahhh has absorbed and kind of in a sort made the absence feel more comfortable in some kind of a strange way.  I know i dont want to feel like this and live this way forever, but when am i going to break the move?  Is it courage im lacking or comfort ive confined?  
tamara4me tamara4me
1 Response May 6, 2012

It all sounds so very typical of peoples lives in this system that is crumbleing and soon to collapse. Everything is coming appart and the pressures are imense. I couldnt keep returning to your job day after day like you do. Your boss is an alcoholic and you should be at a 12 step group like Alanon getting the support you need for the issues you face.