Still Dealing With The Scars Of My Depression.

I keep my faith, I keep my hope, I pray every night.. is that not enough? I have a good heart.. I am a good person.. Of course I've made mistakes but who hasn't? I am only human.. This life sucks.. I feel like I'm falling apart literally.. I think I'm losing weight because of my lack of appetite.. I find myself crying out to God... I wonder if he just hasn't got my message? Depression.. why me? WHY ME? I didn't chose this life to be so sad all the time.. I just want to be happy.. been so long I've forgotten what it feels like.. I didn't graduate, I struggle to focus and get my GED. I'm stuck at my moms house.. I finally got a job but I hate it.. and it's not a career.. my boyfriends in jail.. I have no license, no car, and no permit...

As easy as it seems to just fix it all.. I'm stuck and can't seem to figure out how and when. I'm only 20 but I feel like I'm running out of time. I'm stressing.. and to others it seems over nothing.. No one understands me.. no one listens.. everyone just has their own advice which is little..

I find myself having crying spells, anxiety attacks, and break downs daily..
I don't know what I'm saying... Sometimes I wish someone could tell me exactly what I need to to fix my life.. b/c I cant seem o do it alone..
2 Responses Nov 28, 2012

I was in a similar situation when I was 18. I got really lucky though and managed to get my diploma and i didn't have a significant other in jail but I didnt feel like i was going anywhere, hated the job i had and felt opportunities slipping away from me. First off, you need to embrace everything bad because it makes you appreciate whats good, even if it may not feel like much. In your case, that good can easily be an opportunity for a change in pace with your life. I'm not trying to be this guy but it's going to come out that way.....
When i was my most depressed in life I made an in the moment decision to join the military for four years and didn;t look back even though I worried that it wouldn't be the path I wanted. After a bit of hard work I found myself surrounded by people motivating me to better myself, mentally and socially. I just recently started to take college courses and I know i wouldnt have done it without the motivation of all the people around me who had made the same hard choice I did. Not saying it's the only answer, but it's a solid one, and a fun one too. Maybe a change in scenery is what you need to get yourself out of this slump your in. And as far as depression, hang in there. I have it too and sometimes it really hurts, like your worthless but when I'm at my lowest i know the feeling isn't forever and if i keep working at it, one day i'll have very little to be sad about. Feel free to message me if you want to talk. I'm always up for some conversation even if you just need to vent a bit. You;ll make it.

Yep its a real biitch. Welcome to life.