It may not be that big for some but to me, it feels huge! I've noticed how much I miss my friend 'Jon' since I'm not able to be around him on a daily basis. We used to work together. I think he liked me maybe as more than a friend.
He's always there when I really need him. I think about his kind heart and sincerity he holds toward everyone. He's a man of integrity. He reminds me that the man I'm with just doesn't hold high standards for himself...and it tortures me sometimes.
We were out once the whole group when my current boyfriend interrupted with a phone call. You see, he's an alcoholic, I'm the great enabler...I left and went to rescue him. I should have stayed right there with 'Jon' to see what could have been. Now, I may never know...only he keeps me as his freind I have that, I never want to loose that!
The sriking thing is how he is so 'good' even though I sometimes want him to, he'd never 'go there.' His integrity is so intact that he'd never interrupt my current relationship. I care so much what he thinks that I won't tell him, just how much I wish I weren't here, but with him.
I'm adding now several days later that through some searching and a whole lot of Divine intervention I discovered the man in my life now has a bigger secret than I! I
I went incognito dressed very bland and watched my own house because I was so tired of the drinking and the affects on my family. I thought I could catch him drinking and driving, turn him in and he'd go to jail...maybe then I'd have some peace, long enough to catch my breathe. What I saw instead was a fancy new $27,000.00 car pulling up to my house! 'Who is that?' I thought. Then I saw him his kids and a woman who could never be any other than their mother all getting out and going in to the house...MY House, I own it!
So, I was so hurting and angry I wanted to go up but didn't, instead, I called and told the boyfriend about the sick friend in the hospital and how sad I was to see her this way, and how much I loved and missed him. He, like myself, played along pouring out, like a parrot sentiment on the front porch of My Home. He had taken the call out side cause she was inside.
I suspected Drug use before, like pot, but I thought if he got busted I wouldnt have to worry about him anymore so it would be over no worries about me being so unwilling 'holder' in his stupidity. When I went to get a protective order for myself I found the police were aware of him because he is an ex-cocaine dealer!!! I have to finish updates on this story later as now he's getting up! I have to return today for a protective order in court, please pray for me, those who believe!