When He Stopped Listening I Lost Interst.

I have been married to a great man for 16 years now and we have been blessed with 2 wonderful children. In the beginning I was so happy. We met when I was 22 and he was younger than me. I was just getting out of a abusive relationship of 5 years and was greatful to have met someone who treated me like a woman should be. Everything was perfect. We had great times together. We never argued about anything. We just enjoyed being with each other. Few years went by and we had our son. I was now 25 and responsibilities started to sink in. We managed to keep the happiness alive in our relationship and with our son things couldn't of been better. We both went through some changes but nothing that would cause us to drift apart from one another. Five more years went by and I'm now 30 and we have a daughter. Certianly things are getting a bit tough. I find myself at a dead end job and wanting to go back to school and my husband stands behind me 100% and takes on all the responsibility of keeping things in check. Things start to change between us. I know being a mom and dad and trying to hold down a job to keep things going can put strain on a relationship, but I wasn't use to having my husband sleep on the couch every night while I slept in the bedroom. The passion has faded and time has gone by but we still remain faithful to each other. However, I am human and I do have feelings. I can't help but wonder if there is something bothering him or if I'm still what he wants. I continue to feel this way for many years but ignore trying to rekindle the fire we once had. I guess I wanted him to want me and desire the feeling of me wanting him. Instead all I got was a quick fix here and there and it seemed to be just fine for him, but it wasn't for me. I missed the passion and wanted it so bad to come back and be what it use to be.

Now I'm 37 and it was just 2 years ago that my husband was in a car accident and injured his back and neck and he probably will never be able to do the things he once did. He has become dependent on pain meds and the desire for sex is never there. We have recently moved into our new home and I can't help but feeling alone. We don't talk anymore and we hardly have anything to do with each other anymore. I work 3rd shift now since I got out of school and he's home when I leave for work to take care of the kids. Finally, about three weeks I did something that would change everything. I found an old friend I went to high school with. We struck up conversation on fb and things got to be a little playful but nothing that either of us would actually act on. Actually, it just felt good to have somebody acknowledge you in a sexual way. I knew it was wrong. I also knew if my husband had done this to me I would be hurt and angry at him. I dont know why I continued to conversate with this person for about three days until my husband took my cell phone and read text messages and he caught me. There was no lying out of it. It was right there and he had me in a corner and I could do nothing but tell the truth. When he asked me why I did it all I could say was..."I was lonely." I know that is an awful excuse, but it is how I felt. Do I regret it? "YES!" I would give anything to be able to go back and fix what I messed up. I should have never played around like that. I know I wasn't going to act on any of that stuff me and this other guy talked about doing. But getting my husband to believe me is another thing. I have betrayed him in the worst way. I know he would have never done this to me. I tried in the past to talk to him about how I felt and how lonely I was but he acted like everything was fine just the way it was. In his world it probably seemed that way, but in mine i felt like I wasn't what he wanted anymore. We have since been trying to put this behind us and he chose to stay and work it out and for that I am so greatful. I love this man with every part of my being. I don't ever want to imagine my life without him in it. I just hate that he feels he can't trust me anymore. Often he throws it up in my face about what I did and it hurts so much but what can I do. I guess I deserve it. Over Thanksgiving we had a terrible argument and whats even worse is our kids heard most of it. I always said I'd never argue in front of them, but I couldn't help it. Things have been very stressful lately. The new home, trying to get a new budget started, trying to get use to working 3rd shift, trying to get in routine of kids school schedule and on top of all that I'm trying to cope with the fact that my husband may never be able to work due to his health because of the accident. So basically everything has been left up to me financially. I have began to wonder if we will ever get back to where we were. I just want him to love me again like he use to. That is all i ever wanted. I was never going to have an affair. I just wish he could believe me. I don't know how to fix this. I'm not even sure if it's fixable. All I know is I want to spend the rest of my life with this man because I truely love him. I am so sorry that I hurt him the way I did. I wish I could take it all back. I just want him to look at me the way he use to. This is killing me...What I did has really messed us up. So if there is anybody reading this that is in a marriage and feeling lonely....please don't do what I did. It's not worth it. Instead go to that person you fell in love with and tell them your lonely. Although I did do that I just wish I made him listen. That is where it fell apart... When he stopped listening I lost interest. Now I'm the one paying for it.
shell0111 shell0111
36-40, F
1 Response Nov 26, 2012

I am very sorry for your struggles. You are very loyal and devoted.

I wish he thought so. Thank you for your comment.