Just Another StoryMy mother was diagnosed PD last year in the fall. It's been over a year now and she has started treatment months ago. She is 59 years old and I am 22. This has been quite a ride ever since we've known, and I still can't say that things have settled down or ever will.
I have so many concerns about the situation I could go on and on. I am young and my life has yet to begin, I feel this situation is not even going to make it possible for me to go my own way. I wouldn't be able to live with myself unless I was certain that I have provided the best possible situation for her to grow old in.
She has always been my best friend, the person I was closest to. The diagnosis has not only worried me about how the disease is going to progress, but also made me realize that she is really getting old and probably going to lose herself sooner rather than later. The acknowledgement that I will have to live without her someday, has hit me hard. I've always known this, but given the specifics of how that is going to happen (or at least a more specific setting that might occur) has really made a big difference.
I am not married and I am graduating later this year. I live at home with her and my boyfriend is currently living in another continent. The plan was for me to move with him within a couple of years, which is a difficult situation as it is. Now it is even harder because I will be leaving her behind, ill.
I have two older brothers, but they don't seem concerned / involved in the slightest. They did show their concern in one occasion but then went on with their lives and never looked back. The only kind of comfort I can get is that if things were to go really wrong, I would know my mom can call them up if I am not in the same country as her. So for the emergencies, they can work it out. However, the very thought of not being able to be right there with her when she needs help, makes my heart ache.
It is very hard to plan my life and try to make it work, when I have to take this situation into account always. I fear that I might end up not being able to do any job after finish my education path because I must be available to fly back home in case she needs immediate assistance.
I have started having a really negative outlook on life, which is simply not the right outlook a young person starting out their lives should have. Lately a lot of young people I knew have died from various accidents and diseases, which has only worsened my feeling about life altogether. I keep having anxiety outbursts, especially at night, which won't allow me to sleep. I feel that my time is running out, and that I don't know how long I have left to live and get a chance to accomplish the things that I've alway dreamt of (getting my degree, getting married, having a job and a family). I also fear for my mom's life and for the progression of the disease itself.
I don't have anyone to turn to that can do much about this, and I know I just have to find my way to cope. I'm just struggling along the way. Some days are better, some are worse. I'm trying hard and I keep hoping to have results.
My heart goes out to whoever is in a similar situation!
Priskitteh 22-25, F 3 Responses 0 Jan 25, 2013