To Put It Simply...

I sometimes feel like I'm battling my mind. If I have a bad thought or one I don't want, I have to replace it with a good thought or try to force it out of my head. And I sometimes can't. I try to think of something.. something so simple... and my mind works against me.. it drives me crazy! It can be horrible. I have horrible thoughts at times... sometimes its just from worry.. but the images are vivid and horrible. And the battles.... oh, the battles.... I'd give an example but I can't think of one! Something like.. say you wanted to think of drawing a man with a triangular hat on.  You are drawing it in your mind. You go to draw the triangle peices... and instead of going straight up at the angle like you want them to, they bounce around and go the opposite way.... stuff like that.. SO simple... and yet it could drive me crazy!!! I feel so alone... am I the only one who battles their mind like this? Am I crazy? Is this some kind of mental disorder? What the hell is wrong with me?!?!? I hear that this is similar to OCD... which I have... but idk... it bothers me not knowing... if only I could think of how to explain!!!
PoeticRejection PoeticRejection
26-30, F
5 Responses Jul 26, 2007

Thanks for your comment, SWATaddict!<br />
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I had another one of those thoughts the other day. I was sort of daydreaming (but definitely awake) about a really hot guy.... but when I went to kiss him... my neck stretched and I couldn't reach him. Then it went back to normal and I got really tall. Then... I went back to normal and my head got really big... stuff like that kept repeating themselves...

Sound like mania to me. I'm bipolar and when I have a manic episode, I have so many thought racing through my head. It's like I'm watching a movie, but every fr<x>ame is from a different film. Like I'll be lying in bed and I'll see a kid on a bicycle, then a hammer, then a carnival, then a boxing match, one after another. It's weird. There have also been times where I keep seeing myself stabbing someone in the neck over and over, not a particular person, just anyone. I'd say if it interferes with your daily life, you should talk to your doctor and consider medication.

Thanks for your comments! Yes, Emerald that would be what its like.. And thanks, halfgone, for the advice. I appreciate it. =]

I have had all kinds of morbid out of control thoughts that were just interfering with my everyday life so bad I had to get back on meds im DX Bipolar. I have been battleing it for many years now but thats the one thing about it that I hate the most are the thoughts that just wont go away. Stay strong and take it day by day thats the only way I can make it by.

Sorta like the really hot guy ( that knows he's hot) that you really want to kiss, but in the end you haul off and knock the shizit out of him??!! (ok, don't know where that came from! Prime example of uncontrolled thoughts? ;P)