I have battled depression since middle school, and have severe PTSD. I lost my baby brother in May of 2011, he was only ten. Me and my sister found his obituary on the internet... it was the most horrifying thing ever. According to the report he shot himself while messing around with the family gun. I still remember calling my step mom franticly asking if my dad was around because he wouldn't be able to handle the news. The responsibility of having to tell the news to my family was a huge weight on my shoulders. I tried to commit suicide shortly after it, but only ended up with many cuts on my body. Then the summer after my sophomore year not only did I go threw a huge break up but when I went to visit my aunt who was dying from Lupus, my uncle had gotten me and my cousin drunk then took advantage of us both while I was struggling to stay alive. I had a surgery when I was younger to keep me from throwing up because I was too malnourished from not being able to control my nausea, so that night I kept choking on my own throwing up and trying so hard to throw it up that I **** myself and passed out. My brave cousin carried me to the bathroom and sat me on the toilet and held the trash can for me after he was finished with her. Waking up the next morning I handed my aunt my clothes to put them in the wash and told her I had food poisoning... I don't think I woke up, moved or even ate till a day and a half later. I knew I couldn't tell anyone so I held in inside until I returned home and cried my eyes out to my boyfriends mother, in fear that if my own mother new shed kill him. October of my junior year I went to a mental hospital because I overdosed on loratabs and the paramedics saw my scars.
My senior year came and I thought I was better, at least things seemed to be anyways. I had a girlfriend, I was seeing my therapist weekly and my head was on better. I was unhappy in my relationship because my girlfriend was very non motivated and well was a couch potato, but in fear from threats if I left her I stayed. Well January of this year I did the unthinkable. Her older brother were big drug addicts, and I have a past with pot. During the Christmas break I stayed at her house and well got high with her brothers all day everyday for a week straight. During that week I ate once a day, and could barely function so when New Years came around not only was I high but drunk. She got sick from my sister the day before we were supposed to leave for Cali, so she slept in a separate room as me. Being as I was leaving to go out of town and back with my family I smoked everything I had left and drank the rest of the liquor. That night her brother took advantage and I ended up cheating with a man that was 6 years older... At that point I didn't really care because I was smoking everything and according to my tox screen, anything as well. I really just wanted to die, fathers side of my family threatening me, older sister who raped me as a child sitting in front of me, missing my daughter I lost... As the weeks went by I got really sick and missed my period. Broke up with her and she found out why. My ex boyfriend found out what had happened and told me it was going to be okay and he was going to take care of me, and he did. Little did he know I was struggling more than he thought, not only was I having guilt from cheating I was also being bullied by a group of people who made my school day hell. The day I got trash thrown at me and crowded into a corner was when I cracked. I came home and cried. In the end I made a plan to go into school and ask my counselor for a referral to my old mental hospital because I knew I was going to kill myself. When I woke up the next morning that plan was no more, I was so hurt that I wanted to make my bullies feel even worse. I was going to go into school and start swinging but knew I didn't have the courage so I took 60 muscle relaxers and 12 anxiety pills and left for school. Got half way to my bus stop and crashed in front of my bus mates. Woke up two days later when I came out of a coma.
Gonzales96 Gonzales96
18-21, F
Aug 19, 2014