Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

Life With Panic Attacks !!!

   Living with chronic pain truly is had enough but throw in living with severe panic attacks as well and you often feel that life is just not worth living because you don't really live, you exist. I am not saying I am suicidal, but life doesn't exist for me the way it does for the average person. I don't enjoy getting to go out and enjoy a cook out, swimming, walking, shopping, etc....I have to much pain and any of these activities increase the pain to an unbearable level and that's when I am lucky enough to get it to ease to the point of being able to stand it. I have also experienced a panic attack that was so severe, I thought I was having a heart attack. That makes enjoying anything almost impossible. The worst one that I have ever had, up until a few days ago, was while riding in a car while being convinced that I would be killed in an accident that very day. I put every one else in danger that was in that vehicle but I didn't realize it at the time. I was distracting the driver to the point that he couldn't concentrate because he was worrying about me. He tried to tell me to lay back and close my eyes, but any one who experiences these panic attacks knows that it isn't possible to relax when one of these attacks hit you. I know that he meant well, but he doesn't understand what those attacks feel like, how terrifying they are.
   I also have severe depression, that I have had for many years. I was at one time able to cope with it on my own without the meds or any counseling, but had I known that it would have made life easier, I would have waded through hell and high water to make the appointment and kept it. At the time, many years ago, I smoked marijuana (weed, pot, cannabis, etc...) and that helped with my depression and anxiety. I want to point out that I do NOT recommend that anyone do that, the help of a licensed therapist and state of the art meds that are available now that were not available at the time, can give better results than risking the use of what many often refer to now as a "gate way drug". It is believed that the use of marijuana eventually leads to the use of hard core drugs such as cocaine, heroin, crack, meth, and others including prescription pill abuse. I can honestly tell you that I had no problem with any issues involving any hardcore drugs even to this day, but, that is not to say that I don't know others that smoked "weed" and did in fact end up using hard core drugs. I will not speculate and say that marijuana played a role in the use of harder drugs regarding the people that I am aware of. I can't say for sure either way concerning any one else but myself. By this point, you are more than likely wondering about the Prescription meds that I take. A) Mine are prescribed by my primary care physician, and B) I don't see any other physicians unless my doctor refers me as in the case of the surgery that I had, an the many more to follow. I don't use any "street drugs" nor do I abuse my meds in any way, I have passed every UA that I have been given.
   Life with panic attacks is very difficult, as I have said, especially if there are other conditions that one has to live with in addition to GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder). I am also border line OCD, and pair that with panic attacks and it's enough to drive those around you nuts. I only leave home when I have no other choice.
I check to make sure that everything is turned off multiple times if I have an appointment or absolutely have to go some where. If I am not physically able, I ask someone else to do for me even though I know I get on their nerves in a major way some times. There are also other health problems that I have to contend with every single day, but I try my best to make the best of it and to cope with what my life has been reduced to, which is existing, period. I am scared, not of dying, but having to suffer worse or just as bad as I did for over three years when I wanted so badly to commit suicide every single day, at that time, just to make the pain stop and have some peace from the constant pain. I know the anxiety along with the depression made things much more difficult. The panic attacks honestly made me think that my time was nearing to leave this Earth and the ones I love behind. They were bad, but none compared with the one I had a few days ago. I had pain in my chest, numbness and tingling in my left arm first, that resulted in severe pain even in the muscle of my arm and then it felt so heavy that I couldn't move it. I had someone on here (a very close EP friend) that said that the very same thing has happened to them, but that person believes as I do, that I need to have that checked out just to be on the safe side. I will keep my promise to do so. Living (or even existing) with panic attacks is not easy. Anyone who has the unfortunate experience of living with GAD and has panic attacks frequently most likely will have depression as well..                                       
TwilightDream TwilightDream 36-40, F 6 Responses Apr 14, 2012

Your Response

Cancel

about a month ago i had a panic attack and almost lost consciousness. A strong pain shot through my left arm, and my chest tingled and went numb as i lost my vision....but nope, not a heart attack, just a panic attack. Hypochondria at its finest..First one i ever had, and have had 2 since. No triggers. I saw a therapist who recommended i see a doctor , but also tried to assure me that its likely all in my head.thanks for sharing, now im not alone.

I don't feel so alone after reading a few of your stories. I too am a pain management patient whom suffers from severe anxiety and depression. I hope to find more inspiration in your posts.

Thank you, I appreciate that you read and commented. I am glad that reading this post let you know that you are definitely not alone. It isn't a very good feeling when we feel like there is no one who understands what we are going through no matter what that situation may be. I have always been grateful to find out that there are others who understand me, even though I feel bad knowing that someone else was living in "hell" and having to endure the same things that I have to cope with every single day........

Thank you for your story. Same here gad and attacks.

I'm in the same boat. I'm unemployable because of this.

I miss my insurance. Lol.

I'm glad to hear your better for now. Letting go of parts of our lives can be difficult. Although chronic pain and anguish wears us down as the ocean tide to the rock face, we sometimes can focus on "Life's Little Victories, One Day at Time

And those victories are very sweet. I had a certain friend who is very dear to me, and has become a real inspiration to help me through some of the extremely difficult times. (I want to say Thank you)... !!!!

I'm happy you have a cheerleader in your corner. :-)

Yes, and you do it so well. I miss you, and appreciate you my friend... I hope you are okay.

It is a hard life you are living, TwilightDream, but, as I have done before, I urge you to hold on, to reach down inside yourself where I know it resides and to seize the strength and courage within you. Seeing the vigor and strength of one's youth draining away, being sapped on a daily basis, is no fit life to live but there must still be things for you to do, to learn and yes, to contribute. (Despite all the terrible things I've lived through, I've never had a panic attack until I ended up with COPD after several bouts with H1N1. To feel yourself literally suffocating, unable no matter how hard you try to draw breath while surrounded by a sea of air, something that can happen anytime and anywhere, as it did around 3 just this morning... I've seen far too much death to fear it, but to die such a useless death - a stupid death - well, not... this... time!!!) Fight on, TwilightDream and I shall fight at your side.

Thank you Rassa,I am so sorry to hear that happened to you at all, but especially at 3am. I don't fear death either, just the process, especially if it's due to lack of oxygen. That is the only real fear that I have when I think about death. The other is worrying what will happen to those that I must leave behind. I have been reaching and utilizing that strength for a long time now, it feels like eternity, but I have also decided to enjoy as much as I can, and to be thankful for every day that I am given. Life is a gift, but it does get tiring when you fight every day around the clock. Not tiring as sleepy or exhausted such as after a days work, just tired of having to fight so hard and to be able to endure so much pain. Though I am tired, I am far from ready to call it quits. Some days aren't to bad, but others make me more scare of living than I could ever be of dying. I can't imagine living to a ripe old age and bearing the severity of the pain that will be present as the condition worsens. Then again, maybe surgery can relieve me from some of that horrible misery, and be able to give me a more positive out look. Thank you so much for reading and for being a friend, I pray that you don't have another episode such as the one you did. I also know how terrifying that is.