I use to leave my childhood home in a dead sprint.  My imagination created a scenario that I had just escaped a prison and was basically running for my freedom and my life.  The thoughts of what would would happen if the "bad guys" caught me sent an energy burst through my body so I ran even faster.  I did this for years and an incident that happened over a decade later made those emotions that surrounded the original marathon come back to life.

During my first year in college I returned to my parents home (not the same house I grew up in for that is located in a different city and province) for Christmas.  Everything went really well for a couple days but then the day after Christmas terror struck that sent my brain into a tail spin.  I don't know what set it off but all I knew was that I HAD to get out of their house or else I was going to die.  I tried every single tool I had to bring my brain back into this reality but nothing was working and the invisible web of this emotional onslaught was becoming stronger and stronger.  I quickly packed up all of my stuff and gave a two second goodbye then I was gone.  Driving away from their home late in the evening trying to control my breathing, trying to get the brutal images out of brain and trying to concentrate on the road for I left in the middle of a snow storm was a neat trick and too this day I have no idea how I made the hour journey back to my college town.  I spoke to my girlfriend (who later became my wife) on the phone trying to explain what had taken place and how I absolutely believed with every eon in my body if I had not "escaped" my parents home that I was going to die made as much sense to her as it did to me a few hours removed from the situation.

I handled this situation like I handled the majority of other difficult moments in my life by pushing it back to the far corner of my brain and basically treating the event like it never happened.  Great plan until all the storage room was used and the past came back with a vengeance.  The doctor would probably say what happened is what is known as a panic attack and I would agree.  The memories of the event and the earlier running episodes can probably be considered an episode related to post traumatic stress disorder.  All I know is at the moment I believed I was running for my life.  Take care

untreatableonline untreatableonline
31-35, M
1 Response Jul 31, 2008

Thanks for sharing your life. What a terrifying experience. The sensation of I know I am going to die despite everything else in my brain is frustrating. But, I know I'm going to die in the middle of this is so scary. I'm glad that you took care of yourself and left and called your girlfriend to help ground you.