What Happened?

Last night, I could feel a migraine coming on and a slight fever. My head was pounding, my sight would suddenly blur randomly, and my ears would almost ring out... I couldn't hear anything for a split second. I decided to go to bed but couldn't fall asleep until just after 1 a.m. I'm so used to my fiance' sleeping next to me, but he was busy finishing up some things online for school and such (which didn't bother me) but I started having horrible nightmares as soon as I went to sleep.

Dream: The mafia had taken over my grandmother's house where I lived, I couldn't get away, I was chased with an axe, and then when it was all supposed to be over and they were gone, I was being chased by horseback while I was driving a car but they were almost keeping up. I was supposed to have this scan with a doctor to tell me what was wrong with my hormones (I have a hormone imbalance) and was going to be able to tell me if I was pregnant or not. We made the appointment before all this crap with the mafia or whatever and couldn't make it... then I had to sneak the phone to call her office back, and everytime I would try to go it's like my sleepiness would take over in my dream and I couldn't go. I would lay on the grass or somewhere and try to go to sleep.

I woke up early this morning sweaty, a headache, dizzy and disoriented. I got up finally this afternoon feeling horrible. I sat down with my fiance in the living room. He had just gotten done cleaning up some things...he could tell I still felt really crappy. He was watching some fictional murder mystery police show... They were showing this kidnapped guy who was about to have his head cut off and he kept screaming. I don't do well with people getting hurt or being so afraid... in fact, we went and saw Red Dawn a couple of weeks ago and I had a panic attack mid movie. My fiance' is a cop and I don't deal well with what I already said on top of cops getting shot in the head.

He's watching this, not even thinking about it, and I lose it. Start crying and walk in to the other room... I just couldn't take watching this show and this person being so scared and in pain about to die. I felt so out of the world, so dizzy and so heavy-headed. I took my medicine and just threw the bottle against the wall (I take Paxil for depression and such). My fiance' came in there, and was kind of aggravated acting. I was so mad, I didn't even know why... Mad at him for seeming mad and I just got up, got my stuff, and went to sit in my car. I wanted to leave but knew I couldn't drive with as dizzy as I was.

I sent him a text and asked him to get my stuff together. I told him I didn't want him to have to deal with some idiot who couldn't even watch TV and certain movies with him because I'm so touchy and he deserved someone better... I lost it again. Started crying. I felt so ******.

He came out to the car and just held me. Said he was sorry I was feeling so bad and knew I didn't feel good. He brought me inside, put me in bed, and got me some medicine.
I started calming down and just laid down for a while... I started to get to my normal self and was fine in a bit.

Later on, I could hardly remember all my emotions and why I felt the way I did...even now, almost 12 hours later, I have no idea why it happened the way it did.

I hate my panic attacks :(
mkingsbury10 mkingsbury10
26-30, F
Jan 9, 2013